It's a Safe_Bet...

Safe_Bet's Loving Spouse and Our Kid's Mom...

Safe_Bet's Amy

Safe_Bet's Amy
In my own little hell, Alaska,
June 06
Missing her while trying to be as good a mom as she was.

FEBRUARY 5, 2010 12:16PM


Rate: 96 Flag

I am Amy and I don't know most of you, but I need to tell you that our Suzy is gone. 

When we went to bed last Saturday night, she told me she wasn’t feeling too well.  I held her in my arms and rocked my baby to sleep.  Just before she fell asleep, she told me that her life had been more wonderful than most people’s who lived to 100 and that she had no regrets.  I told her to shush and not talk like that because she was going to be around for years to come.  I can’t help but feel that somehow she knew. 

Sunday morning she wouldn’t wake up even though it was clear that she was in pain.  I called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital and was admitted by our family MD.  He was in constant contact with Suzy’s specialists at the Mayo, but they could only suggest that they increase her pain meds to make her more comfortable. 

I think the nurses “cheated,” but they moved the other person out of her room and let the kids and I stay with her.  She woke up a couple of times and got to boss us all around one last time and made all of us crawl into bed with her and hug her till she fell asleep again. Her breathing started to decrease after a couple of hours so I had one of our neighbors pick up the girls.  I wanted the girl’s last memory of their mommy to be of her hugging them. 

I stayed and held her.  Suzy woke up one last time, kissed me, told me she loved me “an uber bunch” and fell asleep for the last time.  She passed away a couple of hours later.  

I’m writing this because she wanted me to.  She also made me promise to use her blog to vent and rant even if it made me feel stupid spilling my guts to a bunch of strangers.  She knew me so well. 

I might as well start now.   

I miss her so much.  I’d join her right now if it weren’t for the kids.  She wasn’t my soul-mate, she was my entire soul.  She was my life and now my life is gone.   

Fuck, I hate crying in front of the kids.  They are reminding me of her.  I’m supposed to be the strong one for them, but it’s the other way around.  They keep hugging me and telling me that their mommy is in a better place and isn’t hurting anymore.  I know her pain hurt them as much as it did me.  We even shared a smile when Tina said, “I bet mommy is skipping through heaven right now and is all proud of herself for telling god everything that he screwed up big time.” 

I never completely understood how she could become so attached to you people, but she was.  There are some of you that she left words for, but I’ll just have to get to them later. 

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Oh God... I am so sorry Amy. I know that nothing that I can say right now will make you or the girls feel better so I will just hug you all.

Wakan Tanka nici un Suzy. (Translation for Amy & the Girls... "Go with God")
Dear Amy,
(Sobbing)I am so very sorry about this and my heart is just breaking. Safe_Bet, although I never met her in person, meant a great deal to me...she supported me in everything I did. I want you to know that we are here for you and that you can rant, rage, cry, laugh all that you want to here and we will listen and will be there. Much love to you and the girls Amy.
Oh Amy...I just don't have any words to give you that would make a difference. I am so so so sorry. I know she loved you beyond this life; she made it clear over and over how proud she was of her girls, and how you were her true north.

I hope you will write here. It's crazy but we do become attached. I will certainly miss Safe_Bet's snorts and witty and warm comments. I send you ((hugs)) here because that's all I've got.
Very sorry... just awful.
Sorry, it just has to be said...

FUCK! (sorry if that offends anyone)
There are no words . . . no words . . .

Suzy is much loved in these parts; I will not say "was," because love never dies.

Thank you for sharing this news, and please know that our hearts are with you and the girls . . . talk to us, we'll be here with you and for you.

I am so sorry Amy.
Please know you are welcome and wanted here.
Hugs, prayers and love to you and the girls.
Dear Amy,

I am so sad. My heart is broken for you all. I hope you know I am here to listen 100% of the time. Thank you for sharing this gut-leveling news so we can send our best positive energy out to you and your family right now. Much love and peace to all of you, including Suzy.

I am so sorry Amy... she was fabulous... definitely a little nuts and nearly as surly as I am, but fabulous...
Just as she became attached to some of us; we did her as well. We'll be here for you too, Amy. Man, this sucks. she cracked my ass up!

I'm so, so sorry, Amy. Hug those girls tight.
I remember when Suzy and I exchanged some messages early last fall. I had written a post about the importance of after school programs and she wanted to open up your home to neighborhood kids who didn't have parents at home. I could tell she had an amazing heart. And then she got feisty when she read a story about a woman who was doing the same thing and got in trouble with the licensing people - that's when I saw her "don't mess with me" side. I didn't know Suzy but I sometimes read her words, and what stands out the most is how unconditionally she loved you and your daughters. I am so sorry for your loss, Amy.
I am so very very sorry and also shocked. Love to you and the girls, she always wrote of you in the most loving and wonderful way. I liked her bold comments that were really funny. Sending loving thoughts to you,
I'm trying not to bawl cause I'm not work.

I learned to love you through Suzy's stories. I felt like we had a real connection. Both of us with crazy Italian partners.

I'm sending you a PM and an email to Suzy's email address. I would love for us to continue correspondence.

I am so very sorry.
So deep a loss. So sorry...xo
I don't know what to say except my thoughts are with you.
The woman I knew as Safe_Bet was a wonderful person and she will be missed.
So very, very sorry. Deepest condolences.
Love, love, love to you and your daughters.
I am so sorry.
Dammit. I keep coming back here, and the tears keep coming back. Bumping this back into the feed.
Amy, I am so sorry. Safe_Bet was a woman of conviction who will be missed on OS!!
Oh, Amy - I am so very sorry. Suzie was a big part of our universe here. Sending all my prayers to you and the kids.

Thank you for letting us know. I'll say my prayers for Suzie tonight, and remember her as she was here, full of love and life.

If there is anything we can do for you, anything at all, just say the word.
But I wasn't ready for her to go. I so loved that goofy girl. There are words and there are words. Now I will have to go find them. Amy, hugs for you and the girls.
**huge hug**

" I’d join her right now if it weren’t for the kids. "

And that right there is the reason most of us stay on this dirt ball called Earth ----
son of a bitch. love to you...xx a
I'm not one to say much, on this subject. I however feel your loss! Just remember, why you are not joining here right now. She would want that!
Hi Amy...I don't have words right to you and the girls...
Nothing helps this. She made a difference.
I am so incredibly sorry, and will miss Safe Bet's presence here. May angels wrap their arms around you.
I'm so sorry, Amy. Hug those girls a lot.
I am so sorry for your loss. Suzy will be deeply missed here.
Very, very sorry for this terrible loss you and your girls have suffered.
I am very sorry to hear this. Safe_Bet always told it like it was and I admired that even if I didn't always agree with her. Please accept my condolences to you and your family on this saddest of days.
I am so very sorry. She loved you and the girls so very much. Nothing I can write seems like the right thing. I'm sorry.
Oh God . . . honey, I'm sorry. SB was a wonderful woman and so dear to many of us here. {{{{hugs to you and the kids}}}}
I am so desperately sorry for you and the girls. I knew she had M.S. and so does my husband so we connected over that. My deepest condolensces to you and the girls. And she had a great sense of humor!
Amy, thank you for letting us know. I never shared a PM or an email with Safe_Bet, but she was a presence in my OS life and the story of her passing is just so sad. All of us here are sending love-vibes to you and the kids. And please, come back to rant -- share your pain. There are many of us here who have experienced just what you're going through. Much love, Sarah xoxoxox
I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your girls.
Oh this is so sad but thank you for coming on and letting us know. Thoughts are with you and the girls.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
I am sorry for your loss and grief and that of your children.
I am so very sorry.
In the wake of this magnitude of a loss in your life, I say tears are a wholly appropriate response. I'm so sorry, however pitifully inadequate those words are in response to this death.

(((Safe Bet)))
Please Amy I encourage you to write about it here.
I did read some of her writing an she was known here by so many.
We are here to listen now to you.
Hugs those girls and hug yourself tight.
I am so sorry.
I care. I do care.
{{{HUGE HUGS}}} For you Amy...
This is so very sad and heartbreaking. I will miss her very much.
Need anything get a hold of Robin or myself.. Okay..

I love you Safe-Bet and I will miss you deeply.. You were a great and wonderful friend. I will remember you..
I was thumbing through some of her posts and came across this. I trust that it's okay to paste it here today.

Your mommy’s favoritest poet of all times is Lefty McGee. Here is my favoritest poem by him:


violent motion
by an impassioned
sense of lust
into staccato sequence.

a segue
into private discourse
from a public place.

although no one was watching
when her modesty slipped,
all noticed
flaunted serenity
when she lied with her smile
and languorous caress.

I'm in shock. Jill informed me a few minutes ago. I just lost my Dad the other day too and I feel for you. We lost Dakini Dancer last year and now Safe_ Bet! They both regularly posted comments to my posts and were both so welcome in what they said. It brightened up my day. This is very painful.
I am glad I got to know her for a brief time.
I am so sorry. So very sorry. My heart goes out to you with great love. I wish I could do more than that.
Oh my god. Amy, my heart goes out to you. And another hug.
I remember one of those last posts about being in so much pain and not being able to sleep. I'm so sorry for your loss. xoxo
I remember one of those last posts about being in so much pain and not being able to sleep. I'm so sorry for your loss. xoxo
I am so sorry I had no idea. I loved reading her work and I hope you can also find comfort here and love. We are here it seems as a group to offer hugs and love.
Hug the children close and I hope find peace though them.
So so sorry her presence will be missed terribly.
Hello Amy...I just came back...when you're ready, I may be of some help in the grief process...sorry, I'm still in shock...xox
I'm very sorry to hear this. She was a special person, and one of my friends here.
Amy, I am so sorry. I had no idea how sick she was. What a shock! I'm so sorry....
Hug those girls then hug them again.
Amy, I feel like I (all of us at OS) have lost a dear friend. She and I didn't always agree when it came to matters concerning the Catholic Church, but she was always respectful and I was to her, too. She challenged me, but always remained a friend. I can't tell you how bad I feel right now. I had no idea of how sick she idea.
I'm very sorry, Amy. This has become a real community and every loss affects me deeply. My thoughts are with you all.
This hurts me. I can't imagine how you must feel. I am so deeply sorry.
I am speechless. I am trying to find the words to make this okay, and there are none. But please, please know how much she was loved here. And that you and the girls are welcome.
OMG! I'm stunned! So sorry for your loss!
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hugs and warm thoughts to you and your family.
I keep coming back to this because I can't get over it. I'm hoping it's a bad joke....
Amy- Deepest condolences to you and your children.
Oh Amy, I'm shocked and so very sorry. She will not be forgotten. Holding you and the girls in the Light and sending you comforting hugs and wishes for peace.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I am so so sorry for your loss.
Oh no! Please, God, no, not Suzy. Oh Amy, I'm so sorry for you and the girls. I wanted so badly to get back your way this summer and see you guys and the new farm but there was no time. This is such a blow. We have lost so many on the AH and now Safie. I just can't stand it. Peace Amy, peace Suzy.

Uncle Bear
this is horrible news. she was such a standout here, like no one else. my heart goes out to you and the girls. so so sorry.
Amy, Suzy loved you beyond words. I hope you have read the posts she's left for you and the girls. OMG, I cannot believe this has happened so quickly! She is with you, wherever you are, she is there!!
So sorry,
Julie Kiernan (junk1)
I'm so very very sorry, Amy. This is horribly sad news. Thank you for telling us and I hope you do use people here for support if you want to.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Amy. *HUGS*
Amy, I just watched my sister lose her husband to a sudden stroke. I can only imagine how you feel, but she knows all too well. I've seen the tears that seem to come from a bottomless well...and I've seen her love for him, before his death and since.

Here is something that she posted on his memorial page: "No matter how far you go, no matter how far you are, my heart will always belong to you. No space, no time, no distance will heal this wound. No life, no love, nothing will change my love for you."

I saw how Suzy spoke of you elsewhere and she loved you very much. Remember her fondly, with all the love you have, and know that she will never be far away from you or the kids.
thank you for a beautiful, simple telling through your pain. i'm sorry you (and the world) have lost such a loving partner.
Dear Amy,
I'm so, so, so, so sorry! Thank you for honoring Suzy's wishes by contacting us. Prayers for you and the kids! Hopes for solace and healing...

Eva T.
*cries* Oh Amy. *hugs* to you and your girls. I only knew dearest Safe through the internet but consider her to have been a true friend. I'm so horribly sorry for your loss. I hope it will be alright if I post this at Lit so that her friends there will know.
Hugs and strength to you and the girls. You'll be in my thoughts.
So, so sorry. Take care of yourself.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you comfort and peace on your journey ahead.
Hi Amy.
I just heard about this and I am so sorry. I didn't know Suzy well, but she was part of our community here; a "regular" if you will. She contributed a great amount and opened many a discussion.
These words that she said to you:
"...her life had been more wonderful than most people’s who lived to 100 and that she had no regrets."
Hold onto that sentiment. You were obviously a part of that.
I know that feeling, and people don't say that unless it's true.

My Deepest Sympathy,
What Spotted said, and also - my heart is with you. Any peace you may enjoy will be a blessing. I wish you much peace.
I am so sorry to learn of Suzy's passing, Amy. I didn't know her as well as many others did, but reading some of her posts and stories made my days brighter. Even in written word, it was obvious how much she adored you and the kids. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs to you.
Let the girls be strong for you Amy. They want to be, and you need them to be. There will be times in the future where they'll need you to be strong for them, and you'll more than give back what they're giving you now. I only wish we could be there, as well. Our hearts are with you.
I am so shocked and immensely sad. Her comments on posts were just amazing to read. There was always a sincerity and perfect humor. And now I know she was strong, too. I will miss her greatly. Amy - my sympathy to you and your daughters... Please do continue to post here - this community will hold you up. Much love.
Amy.. share with us anything you wish. We welcome you and will see how much of an impact safe_bet made in your life.
I'm completely lost for words. What a shock. Really, I'm so very, very sorry.
I am sorry for your loss.
I particularly liked Bill S's tribute. Safe Bet was
definitely beloved.
It is a nice way to be remembered.
Wow, I don't know what to say. She is loved and will be sorely missed here. My hugs to you and your family.
Amy, if you would send me the address where I can have flowers sent for her services, I would appreciate it greatly. I can't do more from so far away. I wish I could.


You have no way of knowing this, but represented here are the best of the best on Open Salon, the people everyone reads, and the people everyone wants to be read by....out of the thousands and thousands of people who post here, these are the best....and they are all here to pay homage to your partner.

Death finds us all, and we're rarely ready....we all want more....but sometimes, we arrive at the finish line right on time, our work still unfinished, because work never is, but passing along the things that remain to be done to the hands that come after us to pick up the unfinished work and bring it closer to completion, until it is their turn to pass the work on again to yet another pair of hands.

The biggest souls leave the deepest holes when they move on from here, but that's just the challenge they leave behind to be more and do more to fill those holes and lay down the next row of bricks for the next generation to build on.


I am so sorry, Amy - I just found out.

I never exchanged PMs or anything with Suzy (I'm a longtime lurker/rater) but I really felt I had come to know her and your family through her posts and comments. I loved her wit and her personality and I ALWAYS clicked on anything in the feed that had her avatar next to it without even looking at the titles; I knew whatever she had to say was going to be worth hearing and thinking over regardless of the topic.

I wish I could put my arms around you and the girls, but I'll have to settle for holding you close in my heart. Please know that Suzy WAS very much loved here, and we'd love for you to stay if you can.
I just found this and I feel stricken. I am so sorry. My best to you and your family Amy.
Crap. I am so, so, so, SO sorry. Sending gentle thoughts to you and yours.
Very sorry to hear this. Safe commented on a few of my posts in such a way that she made me feel like I am not a crazy person, and that meant so much to me. Her presence will be missed here at OS.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Peace.
May you, and yours, be comforted among the mourners of the world.
My heartfelt condolences. Suzy/Safe_Owl was a beautiful person with a beautiful voice here. Many of us are shocked by this. I am happy that she had you in her life. Hugs and love.
What a wonderful woman. So sad for your loss. Join OS yourself, why dontcha, when the time is right. A beautiful community of folks who love each other for no other reason than that we connect by sharing bits of our souls. Your Suzy sure did share hers. Namaste.
My apologies. I wrote a comment early this morning. I mean to say Safe_Bet, not Safe_Owl.
Hi Amy, i hope im not intruding but i was just typing some random things that have relevance to me in to google, hoping that i might find some random answers and i stumbled across what you have written. I thought i should let you know how beautiful i think it is and i hope someday that someone might think of me the way that you think of suzy because i believe that would make everything so worthwhile. You should be proud xo
I am in tears as i type this. I am so sorry for your loss. Suzy taught me about her MS as I have primary progressive MS, and she taught me hope. I have not been in here for a bit dealing with my PPMS, and seeing this is killing my heart!! My blessings are with you and the girls!!
I had to read this again. Amy, so many of your comments make me crack up laughing. Sometimes I forget what you have been through, losing Suzy so young. I don't know quite how to say this, but though I am sure the ache never goes away, I hope that time has dulled the edges, and life has transmuted and brought happiness for you and your daughters. And I'm glad you have stayed to become a raucous and ribald denizen here. Hugs from Cindy
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