Warning: This blog's writer may contain the flu. Though this virus is NOT virtually contagious, you may develop symptoms just by reading about it.

The college that I am currently taking classes has just been notified that there are three cases of this flu. No one has gotten overly sick, and most are simply under quarantine and not allowed back at school for another week.

Stranger still was the notification that  the Swine flu took a swing back to officially being named H1N1 flu. Again. That must be awfully confusing for the poor virus. Who is it? Does the name indicate it's victims? If you are Muslim and don't eat pork does that make you invincible against said virus? I think they need to market this one a little better, a flu for the masses. Mexican flu really doesn't get the enough folks either. H1N1 is just vague enough to be for everyone. Everyone, that it, that can read above a third grade reading level.

My daughter was reading the news over my shoulder tonight and said, "h-i-n-i. Heiny? What's Heiny flu? Does it make your heiny sick? Does it make you feel like a butt?"

I would love to leave the toilet humor far behind (dammit, there it is again), unfortunately, my favorite characters won't let it rest until the render every giggle and guffaw.

So watch out for the heiny flu. But more so, watch out for the fear pandemic, which I think might be much worse. Symptoms include, restlessness, aches, stress, sleeplessness, paranoia and agoraphobia. These symptoms may be far more debilitating than those of the heiny pandemic,but are guaranteed to last much longer.