Mitt Romney is loath to discuss his Mormon faith for one very simple reason: He knows that the more people learn about his secretive and mysterious religion, the less inclined they’ll be to entrust him with the security, safety, and well-being of America and Americans.
For example, Mr. Romney believes that Mormons, and Mormons alone, are given a set of secret handshakes and passwords that will get them through the Pearly Gates and into heaven.
While Romney may be tempted to share this valuable information with non-Mormons, especially undecided voters in tightly contested swing states like Ohio, he will never do so, and for a damned good reason: As a young man Mr. Romney took a solemn oath to never reveal this knowledge. The penalty for breaking this promise is gruesome: His throat would be slashed and his heart, lungs, and liver would be ripped from his torso. (See videos below).
It all sounds like bullshit to me but the man who wants to send Barack Obama back to Kenya believes this to be a sacred fact.
Romney was asked if he is a strict adherent to the tenets of the fastest growing religion in North America, and he replied, “I’m not a cafeteria Mormon, if you will, I’m true-blue through and through."
(Per Romney's suggestion, I left a message regarding the handshakes with the LDS Temple in Salt Lake City, but have not yet received a return call).
So if the former Massachusetts governor is to be taken at his word, no sure thing based on his history of “nuance,” we have to assume that Mr. Romney is a fully committed Mormon who in his heart believes that a comically-odd looking series of handshakes and passwords is sacrosanct.
You want to get into heaven? What’s the secret password?
For most Christians the pathway to heaven is fairly straightforward. As I understand it, you accept Jesus Christ as your savior, pray for forgiveness whenever you do fucked-up things, obey a few basic rules (that are fairly easy to live with unless you have an uncontrollable urge to murder your neighbor and covet his wife), rinse and repeat, and you’re pretty much good to go.
But in Romney’s world, that's not enough. You also have to know the series of four secret passwords and handshakes, that Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith lifted from Freemason induction ceremonies, to gain admission to the Promised Land.
Following is a short video reenactment of the secret ritual. The accuracy of this video has been confirmed to me by noted ex-Mormon and retired history professor, Richard Packham.
Although the Mormon Church abandoned the following ceremony in 1990, this is the ritual that Mitt Romney would have gone through as a young man.