Bowing to pressure from his GOP critics, and not wanting to let the BP oil spill become known as "Obama's Katrina," President Obama today donned fins, a facemask, snorkle and wetsuit, swam to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, and successfully plugged the oil leak.
After thirty minutes the President resurfaced, out of breath but jubilant. "Mission accomplished," he said with two thumbs up. "That sucker's not gonna leak anymore."
When a reporter started to ask a question the President held up his hands, palms facing the reporter. "No time for questions today. I have to go through the no-fly list, eliminate any mistakes there, and then make sure that we arrest every disgruntled, angry Muslim-American in the country and strip them of their citizenship. After that I have to find a Supreme Court nominee who is slightly to the right of Orrin Hatch and then I promised Mitch McConnell that I'd rotate his tires."