MAY 7, 2010 1:26PM

Obama Caves to GOP Pressure, Swims to Gulf Floor, Plugs Leak

Rate: 18 Flag

Bowing to pressure from his GOP critics, and not wanting to let the BP oil spill become known as "Obama's Katrina," President Obama today donned fins, a facemask, snorkle and wetsuit, swam to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, and successfully plugged the oil leak.

After thirty minutes the President resurfaced, out of breath but jubilant. "Mission accomplished," he said with two thumbs up.  "That sucker's not gonna leak anymore."

When a reporter started to ask a question the President held up his hands, palms facing the reporter.  "No time for questions today.  I have to go through the no-fly list, eliminate any mistakes there, and then make sure that we arrest every disgruntled, angry Muslim-American in the country and strip them of their citizenship.  After that I have to find a Supreme Court nominee who is slightly to the right of Orrin Hatch and then I promised Mitch McConnell that I'd rotate his tires."

 

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I'm sure faux "news" immediately put out a statement complaining about socialims and big government interfering with the capitolism of free enterprise leak plugging.
Didn't he also suck up the floodwaters of Nashville with a straw?
r
Yes they did ocular.
John, he's going to Nashville tomorrow. How much can he do in one day??
Thanks.
that was after he promised to only speak using unintelligible platitudes that are factually incorrect and historically inaccurate to appease the sarah palin/tea party folks.

i *love* this piece, roger.
If he's not too busy solving the Greek financial fiasco, perhaps Obama wouldn't mind fixing the alignment on my Camry.
awesome -- but i'm a nerd...how exactly did he plug the leak? i'm sure he must have stuffed it with something... awesome ..r!
Kyle, a) he didn't respond slowly and b) Katrina came with a several day warning.

Thanks all.
YES! It's about time he get busy! Woo hoo! Go Obama!
I thought black people couldn't swim? Wow, he's an amazing example to black people everywhere!!

hmmm, He is 1/2 white.
(humor people)
Oh Kyle and c) I'm not fair and balanced:) Thanks.
Gary,
When you lie about Bush starting the wars you make the rest of your statement meaningless.
Balls--toujour balls! Gawd, this is the best laugh I've had all day.
Roger you are too too funny. You inspire hilarious commentary too. I hope you're keeping all this, it will make a gut-bustin book.
Gee Kyle, you mean when President Obama send the Coast Guard to the disaster as soon as it happened it was the exact same as bush the lessor singing "Happy Birthday McCainyyy" after the hurricane struck and the city was being flooded, then flying back to the White House to figure out who to blame, and then 5 days later releasing emergency agencies, while "heck of a job Brownie" bitched about having to go to work and losing his dinner reservations?


Yeah, I can see the similarities.
Apart from plugging the leak, I'm confident he's well on his way to accomplishing the other tasks you quote him as attempting.
He is my hero. I loved the photoshopped pic of him as superman during the elections. To me he can do no wrong. Goosebumps thinking of him able to do all that and be home for dinner with his perfect wife and kids. And he is even nice to his mother in law. What a guy!
Damn, he can free dive 5280 feet? I thought I was hot stuff when I could free dive 90 feet, well he did grow up in Hawaii!