Dummy

Literary Ventriloquism At Its Finest!

Robert Brenner

Robert Brenner
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Robert Brenner is a humorist, critic, and ventriloquist. His work has been published in New York Magazine, the Huffington Post, Grin & Tonic, and Happy. He has been interviewed on LeMorningShow, the first Twitter talk show. He is a proud graduate of André Aciman’s Writers’ Institute at the Graduate Center at CUNY. He lives in New York City with his child bride and two (imaginary) cats. Email: rabrenner@prodigy.net

MY RECENT POSTS

 

chris christie 
Earth! A shiny blue marble in the firmament! A lush green gem that hangs in the frozen void of outer space!

But there are those who look on our world with avaricious eye stalks. Let us turn back the calendar to that fateful September last year. On… Read full post »

AUGUST 6, 2013 6:04PM

Carlos Danger vs. the Muslim Menace

weiner wedding 2
 The name is Danger. Carlos Danger. You think you know everything there is to know about me. But you ain't seen nothing yet.

It all started innocently enough several years ago when I was a freshman in Congress. I was invited to a Democratic networking party. It was there that… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 7:59PM

WILLARD Mitt Romney

Willard 
 
A lonely, middle-aged Mormon named Willard sat in one of his many bedrooms, gloomily studying the polls. No matter how he juggled the numbers -- a skill honed in the private equity biz -- he could not escape the inevitable conclusion: he was going to lose in November.… Read full post »
AUGUST 7, 2012 7:03PM

Total Total Recall

JULY 27, 2012 9:11AM

The Dark Knight Fails

catwoman

My latest for the Huffington Post:

The Dark Knight Fails  Read full post »

JUNE 9, 2012 12:07PM

Romney Prometheus

MAY 1, 2012 9:55PM

Republican Avengers Assemble!

avengers 
 
August. Tampa, Florida. The Republican National Convention.

NICK FURIOUS: The world has changed. The war has begun. We're hopelessly outgunned. 

AGENT MARIA HILL: What is it this time--Loki? Ultron? Kang the Conqueror?

NICK FURIOUS: Barack Obama. If we don't stop him now… Read full post »
APRIL 25, 2012 7:24AM

Fifty Shades of Mitt Romney

 fifty shades of grey
 
America was feeling strangely dissatisfied. She worried that her best years were behind her, that she was a nation in decline. Other countries -- India, China, even that slut Brazil -- were starting to catch up with her. Once considered the land of milk and honey, she… Read full post »
MARCH 19, 2012 8:26AM

Dr. Strange vs. Rick Santorum

Dr. Strange 
 
Dr. Stephen Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts and Sorcerer Supreme, was tired after a long, hard day of battling evil wizards, dark gods, and eldritch monsters. He just wanted to meditate, smoke a hookah, and maybe get in a little tantric exercise with his beautiful alien disciRead full post »

galactus 

In his secret lunar base hidden on the dark side of the moon, Newt Gingrich licks his political wounds and plots yet another unlikely comeback:

NEWT: They called me "unstable," "erratic," "grandiose!" I'll show them! As soon as I've completed my death ray,  I'll decimate the rest… Read full post »

JANUARY 18, 2012 8:53AM

Captain America For President

captain america 
 

I said I would never get involved with politics. I've always been much more comfortable fighting bad guys like the Red Skull or Hydra. But I can no longer be a member of the Silent,… Read full post »
DECEMBER 20, 2011 9:03AM

Tintin Über Alles

 tintin
Grrrrr! Who are you? What do you want?

You're a reporter? I guess that's all right. I thought you were a member of the accursed Mossad. Those people never forget. Look at what they did to poor Eichmann.

You want to know what Tintin is really… Read full post »
DECEMBER 5, 2011 3:20PM

Mitt Romney's Diary

Mitt Romney 

Dear Diary:

WTF? I'm the handsomest, richest, most electable candidate in my class, but the GOP still won't ask me to the prom. My feelings would be hurt -- if I had any.

It was bad enough when they passed me over last time for ROTC captain John McCain.… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 25, 2011 10:57AM

Batman Invades Occupy Wall Street

dark knight 

 The "Occupy" movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment. "Occupy" is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly moRead full post »

NOVEMBER 9, 2011 2:57PM

Hulk Occupy Wall Street

 

hulk 

 

 Hulk See Greed. Hulk Smash! -- the Wall Street Journal

"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

How many times have I said that? Over the years, I've become something of an expert on anger management, ever… Read full post »

OCTOBER 24, 2011 8:46AM

Herman Cain Is The Anti-Christ

herman cain 
 
The end is near -- or so it seems to a segment of Christians aligned with the religious right. The global economic meltdown, numerous natural disasters and the threat of radical Islam have fueled a conviction among some evangelicals that these are the last days. -the New YorkRead full post »
seven beauties 
 
A German POW camp. The Commandant, Angela Merkel, is seated behind her desk. The prisoner, Silvio Berlusconi, is standing before her.
 
BERLUSCONI: Good morning, Herr Commandant!

MERKEL (slapping her riding crop on the desk): Silence! Speak only when spoken to!

BERLUSCO… Read full post »
ed koch
 
 
Former Mayor Edward I. Koch's strategy seemed almost nutty at first: ask Jewish residents in Brooklyn and Queens to vote against an Israel-loving observant Jew for Congress to send a message to President Obama...Now Mr. Koch is considering taking his critique of President Obama'Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 7:06PM

Three-Way Dance: Romney, Perry, Bachmann

perry bachmann romney 

VENTURA:  Good evening, fight fans! This is you host, Jesse "the Body" Ventura.

ROVE: And I'm your color commentator, Karl "the Brain" Rove.

VENTURA: We've got a real slobberknocker for you tonight! It's a three-way dance--the Mighty Mitt Romney versus Rowdy Rick Perry versus Beau… Read full post »

AUGUST 12, 2011 8:56AM

Super Congress vs. Justice League

justice league 

With great debt comes great responsibility:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/super-congress-vs-justice_b_920281.html

 

  Read full post »

AUGUST 2, 2011 8:59AM

Michele Bachmann: "I Kissed A Girl"

michele bachmann  
Michele Bachmann is lounging around the house in a filmy negligee.
 
BACHMANN: Jesus Christ, I've got a headache. I feel like my whole head is going to explode. It's a good thing I don't have my finger on the button, or I… Read full post »

super 8 

Scene 1: Midnight. A deserted train station. A group of kids are shooting an amateur porno with  their smartphones.

DIRECTOR: Okay, baby, I'm going to make you famous! Take off your clothes.

BLOND GIRL: Are you sure this is the way Rebecca Black got started?

MAKEUP ARTIST (evening… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 15, 2011 8:56AM

FoX-Men: First Class

x-men 

In a secret underground bunker, located far below Fox News, a group of superpowered Republicans gather. Roger Ailes, the brains behind the outfit -- codenamed "Professor FoX" -- addresses them:

Ailes/Prof. FoX: We have to stop Barack Obama from destroying the United States. One of you… Read full post »

JUNE 6, 2011 8:26AM

Alpha Male Economists: I.M.F@#ked

james bond 
It is an international island in the midst of the American capital, a sharp-elbowed place ruled by alpha male economists. The days are long, and employees are regularly pressed together for weeks on end during overseas "missions." It is a  climate in which romances often flourishRead full post »
MAY 22, 2011 8:27PM

Buying Porn For Bin Laden

bin laden tv 

WARNING: Adult Content/Juvenile Humor 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/buying-porn-for-bin-laden_b_863953.html Read full post »