Thank you for your notes today.

I apologize for being a little bit off my rhythm lately. The thing about depression is that it's so damn needy! In an odd way, though, depression and I made our peace a few years back. It has its own cycles; their timing is not… Read full post »

After my second nap of the day, I woke up at 5pm. Something had shifted, sure enough. Locked back in. I just got back to the cave, and it's bedtime (I am determined to not give in to the night curse).

And suddenly I can connect with many things to… Read full post »

My body clock is goofed up again, in spite of going to bed before midnight every night for the last month and waking up rested after six hours of zolpidem-assisted sleep.

Last night I got to sleep by 11:45. I slept all night without waking up. At six my alarm… Read full post »

A guy goes to the doctor. He says, "It hurts when I do this."

The doctor says, "Then don't do that."

Written January 15, 2004

One cold January morning, a man went for a walk. He had walked before, but this morning was different. The man was not walking to get thin. The man was not walking so his cardiovascular system had a prayer of continuing to function.

He was… Read full post »

Really, trust me when I tell you you won't be missing a thing if you just skip right over this blog entry. You see, I haven't written a thing all day. I have to write something, I want to write something, but I have no idea what I'm about to say.… Read full post »

I've never been a fighter. I'm no good at it. I vaguely remember in elementary school some kid got pissed off at me. He said, "Choose ya!" I went, "What? What does that mean?" Then I think clocked me.

For some people fighting seems to be as natural as breathing. Not… Read full post »

I was looking through old journal notebooks this morning (for some reason). Mixed in among the "writing" I found this:

It appears there was some sort of struggle going on, wouldn't you say? Welcome to my nighmare! It depicts me making decisions based on both what I am and… Read full post »

Male jealousy is, at best, useless. At its least damaging, it merely makes the man experiencing it anxious, angry, and miserable. More often it serves as both the justification and the fuel for acts of intrusion and violence by men against women. Jealousy is not unique to men, of course,… Read full post »

I grew up on the west side of Denver, Colorado. My dad was an attorney, and he had a client who was part owner of recording studio in Golden. One day while I was a senior in high school, he arranged for me to visit Applewood Studios. The moment I stepped… Read full post »

During last night's sleep my brain was BUSY! Gawd, the people, places and times I dreamed about. The cabin in the mountains of Colorado where our family used to go. A flood. My old next door neighbor telling me it was no wonder the plumbing wasn't working because I'd done it… Read full post »

This evening I have been living in the realm of Linux, DNS, Apache, PHP, SSH, and FTP. I'm bringing up a new virtual dedicated server so I'll be able to provide online access to all of my present and past work archives, personal mementos and photos, and scrapbook-style pictures and notes… Read full post »

Awoke at four this morning, for some reason. So I read and commented on a few posts, took my bupropion, then went back to sleep until 8:30. Pondered what I wanted to write about, and wrestled with the reality that there are some things I'd better do outside the cave if… Read full post »

I got through twelve of the twenty hundred-word writing starters I listed in the previous post. Now "non-literary" duties await my attention, so attention they will have, happily; the last eight will have to wait.

In the raw:

Life in the cave
I described the cave earlier... Living here feels natural.… Read full post »

I've always written the morning pages in quiet and alone, but this morning I have music playing: a CD my oldest daughter made just for me three years ago. It's a "mix" disc which she titled "Don't Know Much." All three of my kids have made CDs for me at various… Read full post »

Scribbled Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 10:48am CST:

Parked and walked five blocks to the UNL student union. Several televisions. Good idea to come here. About 300 people, all young.

Opening prayer. it's quiet. People are listening!

"United by our commitment to freedom and justice for all."

Individual… Read full post »

Since I gave up TV ten years ago, in order to see the inauguration I could find a stream on the internet and watch it on my computer, here, alone in my cozy little writing cave.

You could watch it on the internet, or on television (if you have one).… Read full post »

I can wish that for you here because there is absolutely no possibility that you will know of it. Happy birthday! Your gift? I have nothing you would want. Certainly nothing which would hold a candle to what you gave me.

I feel gratitude for family and friends this morning: Barby.… Read full post »

What in the hell do you think you're doing?

I'm trying to write. What do you mean? I'm trying to live. I'm trying to tell a story or two. I'm trying to live it out on paper. Why?

No one cares. It doesn't matter. The best things you have done in… Read full post »

Writing on the fly, not thought out ahead of time, prompted by Brian's morning piece, and his comment on Carol's lovely thoughts this morning:

Happiness is not a choice. Happiness is an emotion, and we don't choose our emotions. We choose what we do, not what we feel.

Happiness is a… Read full post »

What's different about now?

Love no longer hurts.

As I was growing up and began my travels through adulthood, I carried a distorted concept of love as something which was supposed to burn. Desire, mindless devotion... and need.

Maybe it was biology, part of what is necessary to ensure… Read full post »

While going through boxes of 'memorabilia' earlier this month, I found a 1928 Liberty Head dollar coin. I decided to slip it into my pocket and carry it with me as a tangible, portable connection with the past.

OS veteran Verbal Remedy recently posted a thought-provoking piece entitled For re… Read full post »

With no port for natural light here in the cave I couldn't know how long I slept. I woke up without any cues of morning today, as I have for the last ten days or so. I knew I had slept a bit longer - how long? What time is it?… Read full post »

A quick jot before bed, partly to flush those last two difficult pieces from the "recent" feed, and partly to flush them from my attention.

Barby and I shared a wonderfully gentle anniversary evening together in "our spot," Doc's Place tonight. Thank you for everything through our years past, sweethe… Read full post »

( Link to Part 1, to be read first)

A journal entry recorded after my second visit to the strip club Babydolls:

Folks, there is a whole range of life on this planet.

I decided to go back to Babydolls tonight, partly because it was kind of… Read full post »