Doomsdayers, brace for disappointment: Doomsday will be postponed. Again! Sorry for the news, but trust me, cancel your date to the prom.
Just when Armageddon was added to your bucket list, reality will swoop in to snatch victory from the jaws of Rapture. Yes, it will be a Tim Tebow kind of year – with a steady build up of excitement, doused with a splash of cold reality. One day you’re Tebowing, the next day, you’re, well….
That’s life. So doomers, take heed of what happened last year. Christian Radio host, Harold Camping, promised Judgment Day on May 21, 2011, with the physical Rapture to follow October 21st. Well, oops, no cigar. Double-doomed by a Doomsday failure.
Fortunately – or unfortunately – for Camping’s followers, they are all still earthbound, but carrying a lot less baggage since they rid themselves of their earthly possessions last year to join Camping’s cross-country caravan to … the Department of Human Services?A year later, it’s 2012. And now the Mayan prediction of doom on December 21st is upon us. Rumor has it that Fundamentalist Christians are already preparing to “check out” before December 21st. Jesus! I was only joking when I said, “I wish some of you would board the Armageddon Express.”
Nevertheless, I understand the need to answer a calling. But doomers, uh well, it could be a wrong number. So this time around, please keep your possessions, just in case, you know, you find yourselves earthbound – again! – then the DHS and the nation would not have to experience an even greater economic strain with more people added to the ranks of the impoverished.
There’s no room for gloom this year. And who better than President Obama to keep this country focused and functioning? In case of a mass exodus to heaven on December 21st, a likely scenario might be a massive beeline to the DHS later. Keep in mind what a republican president would say, “Aw, too bad, so sad! Goodbye and good luck, doomers!” It’s the Conservative Christian way.
So small businesses, rev up your internet engines! There will definitely be a squeeze on you this year. Good luck, because a Doomsday forecast just three days before Christmas is everyone’s sales nightmare. Until then folks, show some love to your favorite mom and pop store; we can’t have all big boxes!
2012 will be a fascinating year if we all don’t freak at once. Religious fervor on December 21st may create an attempted self-fulfilling prophecy, but it should be nothing disastrous. Sorry to say, doomers, your doom is stuck here with the rest of us! Good tidings and good humor to all. Cheers!
© January 7, 2012 Reiko Eoh