Reflections of a shallow pond
- Location
- Seattle, Washington,
- Birthday
- August 28
- Bio
- I'm a middle-aged dad, clinging to my daughters' waning youth and my sanity.
MY RECENT POSTS
- Give Us a Chance. We're Just
Like You.
May 23, 2013 02:31PM - Crap. Does This Mean I'm
Officially an Old Man?
May 17, 2013 03:59PM - The Real Mother's Day.
May 12, 2013 04:32PM - Thanks for Watching Vietnam,
the Sequel.
May 09, 2013 11:42AM - Your Guide to Finding the
Perfect Toilet.
April 28, 2013 06:48PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “I'm really loving each
and every comment. Thanks
for
fantastic anecdotes and
enco…”
May 18, 2013 06:19PM - “Gosling makes my wife's
heart stop.
Though she
knows he's been tweaked in
Photosho…”
May 13, 2013 12:26PM - “Really nice work in
wrapping up the complexity
of
motherhood.”
May 13, 2013 12:22PM - “This may sound strange,
but I think just the fact that
you
are assessing your
abi…”
May 13, 2013 12:21PM - “Those were great. I
especially like number
9—spending
money on
things that…”
May 13, 2013 12:13PM
Reflections of a shallow pond's Links
Bless the Beasts and Cabbage Patch Children.
Seriously, this couldn't have come at a better time.
After basking in eighty-one straight shimmering days of Pacific
Northwest sunshine, I awakened at five-thirty this morning nearly
as grumpy and sore as Jerry Sandusky after an evening horsing
around with the prison tickle monster. Things were dam… Read full post »
Confessions of the Family Runt.
The living room was the stadium, our avocado carpet serving as the faux turf field and the fireplace mantel the glorious pay dirt of the end zone.
Clutching the football/… Read full post »
The Greeting Card Doesn't Have to Die.
Dear Hallmark,
Why did you allow things to get to this point without calling me?
Come on, you guys, you know I'm here for you.
It's obviously too late to reverse this current wave, now that
you've announced the impending layoffs of seven hundred and… Read full post »
Why Obama Won the Debate.
I'm obviously in the minority, here.
Apparently, I can be counted among those groups whose memberships
are painfully small:
Those who feel O.J. didn't do it.
People who decided that it was finally safe to open the sliding
glass door and let the raccoons meet the kittens.
Parents who choose a… Read full post »
Learning Tweenglish: An Adult Primer.
I didn't quite reach those aptitudal levels yesterday, but I came close to becom/… Read full post »
Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing, Baby.
Ouch.
For the past three weeks, these poor guys have been bloodied.
They've been battered and bludgeoned. They've been abused more than
a dog whose tag is etched, "Property of the Romney Family. If
found, please hose off and return."
The National Football League Referees Association has been on
strike/
Hell Is So 2001.
An Act of Faith.
September, 1987
The tires of our U-Haul brushed against the curb as my roommate,
Dave, and I pulled up to our new home, a duplex in Seattle's
Central District. We walked up the porch steps, opened the door and
gazed at the narrow stairway which led to our top-floor… Read full post »
The Enchanting Kiss of My First Girlfriend.
"Yeah, of course I did," I lied.
"Where?"
I lied again. "You know...over there...behind the portables."
"When?"
"Um, like...last Wednesday...maybe before that." Lie number three.
"Decent. Good deal, bud."
It was the autumn of 1976, I was fourtee/…
I Guess We Know What They Don't Want.
What are your core beliefs?
I know that's a pretty loaded question. Most of us have sort of a
"belief pyramid," where our really intense convictions are firmly
ingrained up top where the stonework can't get tagged with graffiti
or some teenage boy's spent Copenhagen wad.
And then… Read full post »
It's Her Last First Day of School.
At 7:31 this morning, she bounded out of her room and grabbed
her backpack.
"Bye, Dad."
"Bye. Have a good day."
"Thanks. You, too."
She strode out of the door, her footsteps heavy and confident.
My daughter is a high school senior—and today is her last
first day of school.
After she left, I sat… Read full post »
Why Mitt Romney's Got My Vote.
I finally got him last night.
Or should I say, he got me.
Mitt Romney's hit some potholes along the way, no doubt about it,
but he keeps coming back like a a grinning rash with graying
temples.
Remember pretty early on, when he had to explain the whole… Read full post »
On Turning Fifty and a Special Message to Jon Stewart.
I've got a few friends who don't like to acknowledge their
birthdays, especially those that end with zeroes.
Maybe it represents another year of dreams unrealized or jeans
unwearable. Perhaps it's just the notion that some of us have
scampered substantially past life's fifty yard line, the end
zone… Read full post »
Stupid Men, Volume 73
During the pre-internet age, they served as definitive series on thousands of topics. If you had to write a report about Neanderthals for fourth grade science, you could drop into the school library, slide out a volume on early primates and copy a few meaty paragraphs word-fo/… Read full post »
Fighting Big Food With a Plastic Knife.
It's like choosing between Rocky and the Soviet killing machine (played by a nice Swedish man who studied chemistry at Washington State University).
It's similar to picking between the 1980 USA hoc/… Read full post »
Sheriff Joe, We Need You.
Sheriff Joe, we need you.
Don't you want to feel wanted again? Isn't it time to thrust up
those chubby little hands and say, "Peace out, Arizona."
Look, you're being sued by the Justice Department for
constitutional violations, which, you know, seems… Read full post »
Google: Hiding More Cookies Than a Sorority Girl.
If you had to choose, would you consider the word "Google" to be
a more of a noun or a verb?
I'm going with verb in a landslide. "Googling," which has come down
the trail a couple of miles behind "xeroxing" and "spooning," has
now… Read full post »
Fighting Change Is Possible...If You're Willing to Change.
Throughout our lives, we hear more sage phrases, more ironic
parables, more downright clichés, regarding the word
"change" than any other lone word I can pry loose from the corroded
cast iron that is my brain matter.
Whoa, that was a long sentence.
Our… Read full post »
How cool are the Olympic Games? I'll go ahead and answer that,
but in terms my kids would use.
They're wicked hella filthy sick.
Which means really cool.
For ninety-nine percent of the participants, it's the one
opportunity every one-thousand-four-hundred-and-sixty days to step
from the shadows of o… Read full post »
Stranded on the Interstate: It Was Quite a Blowout.
I'll Never Forget You, J.P. Patches.
Ever Been a Third Wheel?
Remember back, whether in junior high or high school, when you really had a crush on someone? Sure you do.
Maybe it was that guy in Earth Science who grinned seductively at you every morning before asking for a number two pencil and a piece of paper.
Or/… Read full post »
Romney is: a) stupid b) naive c) insane d) all of the above
You've got to hand it to Mitt Romney.
Acting under no duress or even the influence of a strong
frappuccino, Governor Bushwood stood before the NAACP on Tuesday
and chose to lambaste our first African American president.
Hey, Mitt, Charles Bronson called and wants his Death Wish
back.
In my jaundiced… Read full post »
Where It's Christmas Every Day. God Help Us.
Another one in the books.
Hopefully, I'm not boring you to distraction with tales of family
vacations. I've expounded on so many—Vegas,
Disneyworld,
San Diego—yet each trip drips with the newness of a
thawing icicle teetering over an exposed cornea.
Yep, these trips continue to evolve.
Eac… Read full post »
I Do Apologize.
"I'm sorry, sir. I do apologize. Unfortunately, there's nothing
I can do."
Have you ever heard those words or a similar combination of them?
Let me rephrase that—how many times have you heard those
words?
A hundred? Maybe a couple of hundred? Since my brittle carcass is
rapidly… Read full post »
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