What I wish people would not post on Facebook as a status update.

1. "Please pray for my husband, John Doe, as we go in today for his prostate biopsy!  He's been having such a hard time peeing lately.  Hopefully, this will help us figure out what's wrong!"
2. Sonogram pictures.
3. "I have a colonoscopy tomorrow.  Talk about greased lightening!  Shew, I tell you!  This cleanse is a doosey!"
4. More sonogram pictures.
5. "John Doe is home from the hospital now.  They said he would probably pee blood for a week, maybe, and he's on pain medication, and said it doesn't hurt all that bad.  He's been eating a lot of ice cream and says he deserves it, but I don't want his blood sugar to go because then he'll become a diabetic, but please keep him in your prayers!"
6. "Socialism is just like me maxing out my credit cards!  It's just fine spending other people's money until it's all gone."
7. "Praise God.  Amen, amen, amen.  Praise Jesus."
8. All of those frickin' "your e cards" with seemingly witty quotes and pictures and posting one every minute.
9. "John Doe and I are still waiting for the results of his biopsy.  He has a cavity in one of his teeth now, so we'll go the dentist next week for that and on the same day as my 38th birthday!  Does it ever stop? Haha!" 
10. "ROTFLMBO!"

What I can't post on Facebook because I'm friends with my mom.

1. "I need to get laid."
2. "I'm adding alcohol to the list of mind enhancing drugs."
3. "Can we say, 'Hello, hot men!'?"
4. "Wearing The Christmas Sweater to the family function today - ugh."
5. "Accidentally drank too much wine - whoops!"
6. "Accidentally drank too much wine again - whoops!"
7. "My mom needs to rethink her living room curtains."
8. "I love beer."
9. "Pretty sure this battery operated device is the best purchase I've ever made."
10. "So glad the marker they use to mark the back of your hand with an X at the club is now invisible glow in the dark ink instead of black!"