You know, I thought I had finally come to a place of understanding in regards to the opposite sex.  Alas, I am at a loss.

Guy With Two First Names and I had made tentative plans for Saturday afternoon.  He emailed me at 11 PM Friday night to confirm... "Sorry for my slacker response..." ... huh?  And, then, one hour before we were supposed to meet up on Saturday, he canceled, saying he woke up not feeling well, that he was sorry as he was looking forward to it, would I want to get together one evening this week?  I said "Sure, feel better soon.  I can get together any evening except for Wednesday this week."  I emailed him yesterday saying that I hope he felt better and there's no response as of today.  

Ok, sure, maybe he's really sick.  And, the ex-boyfriend who wants to see me called me yesterday and we had an uneventful ten minute conversation.  I don't get it.  I don't understand you men!  Look, I know there are bigger things that need my attention in the world right now and in my life in general.  

For instance, I wasn't admitted to my first choice school for a doctorate, but was offered a generous package by my second choice school...which is in Oregon...across the US.  I'm suddenly terrified of this adventure (what was I thinking?!) and I have come to realize this about myself:  I don't deal with change as easily as I would like to or thought I did.  

The psychic tarot card lady said this in my reading in January: (& for the record, I did the reading on a whim, with skepticism, and, yet for fun.    Plus it was half off the regular price, so what a deal. I told her nothing about myself other than I'd never had a reading done.)  She said:

1. Ten years from now, I don't want to have regrets.  There is a move in my future, but nothing to worry about as it's for the best and I would only be a plane ride away from where I am now.  The job I have now is not right for me, it was intended to be temporary, and it's time for me to move on.  I've made my plans, and now must follow through with them or I will regret it.
2. I already know who my soulmate is and that I would recognize him within two weeks of the reading.  She described his physical characteristics, his type of employment, and his age range in relation to mine.  She said I would call her in April about this, and that my soulmate would go with me when I move.
3. She saw no heartbreak in my future, no money troubles, no health issues for me or my family.  She did see that I had a health issue last year, which I did, and that I am ok now, which I am.

Number one is self-explanatory.  Number two is the ex-boyfriend that now wants to see me.  Two weeks after the reading, he crossed my mind when I was flying back from Oregon and, for some reason, I really wanted to talk with him.  I suddenly wanted him back in my life, but the horrible ordeal at the end of the relationship was all I needed to reconsider and keep me on my course without him.  The physical characteristics, employment, and age range are all accurate.  Although, at the time of the reading, I couldn't figure out who it was, which she said I wouldn't be able to do.  I should just go about my business and I would realize who he is.

I told the Ex about Oregon on the phone yesterday and he was completely supportive, but I just don't know about him being in my life again.  I need to figure out some coping mechanisms for change, I suppose.  How the hell am I going to do this?  Move across the country?  It's suddenly so daunting.  At least I have the summer to say "Goodbye, DC!"