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Random Chick

Random Chick
Location
Like I live in a city, dude., California,
Birthday
June 15
Bio
I write in between paid work, cleaning the house, raising two children, maintaining a marriage, paying bills, eating, sleeping, etc. I have self-published a book of poems entitled, Stupid Poetry: The Ultimate Collection of Sublime and Ridiculous Poems. I write a weekly column for Castro Valley Patch where I ponder about life and other absurdities. I am also a recovering Starbucks addict. "Hi, My Name is Random Chick and I'm an addict." The first step. Check. Eleven to go.

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Salon.com
JANUARY 17, 2012 3:22PM

Walmart Fashion Report Card

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Many of you have recently witnessed the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet Report Card. I mean, who didn’t think this star looked like Ziggy Stardust without make up?

(Click on this photo and the others to get a LARGER view, if you dare.)

I don’t know about you but I am sick of seeing celebrities all dolled up in custom made designer clothes and diamonds from Queen Nefrities vault. As if we could even come close to that crap. So I decided to create my very own Walmart Fashion Report Card!! These are REAL clothes that don’t cost the GDP of a small nation. No stylists here. Just good ol’ clothes off the rack.

By the way, not all these photos were taken from the PeopleofWalmart.com web site.


Now, Norma Kamali is a New York fashion designer best known for creating the parachute pants (Can’t touch this!) and has a fashion line at Walmart. I think Norma should have stuck to pants because this outfit looks like someone from The Adams Family decided to go to college. Like this chick would even ride a bike. As if! Fashion Grade: C


Stand back! Who knew Lady Gaga shopped at Walmart? I actually think this is Lady Gaga’s little sister. Isn’t she cute? She’s trying people, give her a break. Just don’t stand to close to her ninja boots. Fashion Grade: C-


Not too shabby. You can actually get this outfit at Walmart and pretend like you are a red carpet reject, like Tara Reid. Totally fab! Fashion Grade: B-


Britney! You’ve REALLY let yourself go. You need to get on Slimfast. Stat! Hold on…I’m calling Jennifer Hudson so she can get you a discount to Weight Watchers. Fashion Grade: D


We all know where Beyonce gets her fashion taste from: her mom! This is from Tina Knowles line sold at Walmart. This is how you do purple (listen up Britney – see previous fashion faux pas). Love how this dress acentuates the curves of real women. (See Ziggy Stardust lady at the beginning of this post – does she even have a butt?) Fashion Grade: A


Uh oh…someone didn’t quite make it to the bathroom. The map of the Oregon trail on her jacket didn’t help either. Please! For the love of GOD, people, LOOK at yourself before you leave the house! From ALL angles. *sigh* Fashion Grade: F

Well, there you have it. Stay tuned for future fashion posts where I’ll grade Mall Fashion! Whoo hoo! If you just can’t wait until then you can go here to read previous fashion posts I’ve written. I take no responsibility for your eye herpes.

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