President Barack Obama

President Barack Obama
July 04
I was born a poor black child. Now, I'm a white man's worst nightmare. I eat Tea Partiers for breakfast, conservatives for lunch and have Republicans served on a platter. It's my world now and I'm here to fix it - and you!


President Barack Obama's Links

OCTOBER 6, 2011 2:23AM

Obama Christ Superstar! I'm BACK, baby!

Rate: 10 Flag

The word is out! I'm back, baby! Even that runt Bill Maher says I've got my mojo back. I'm partying like its 2008. I've been reading those progressive blogs and they are right: I've been nothing but a big ass pussy, walking around while grabbing my ankles with a "Kick me!" sign on my back - one that I wrote myself!

After the 2010 elections I even had to change my sign: "Kick me HARDER!"

But those days are over now my job is in jeopardy. The new Obama is B.A.D.A.S.S! If Republicans are the disease, I'm the cure. Did you see where I said they would "fundamentally cripple America"? I'm taking those bastards down!

I also changed my code name to "Shaft" with the secret service.

Like my predecessor said, to be a truly great President you have to be a WAR President. I say bring on the war, baby! Happy now, Osama bitch? We're picking off those terrorists one by one, civilian casualties be damned! What the hell, it's only the people you know who count. I've got over 7,000 predator drones flying around popping people left and right. Bet you didn't know so many people needed killing! Well, folks, that's super secret special knowledge only I have!

And this year I'm asking Congress for FIVE BADASS BILLION for even more drones. If you think there's a better use for that money you're just sick in the head with NO sense of reality. Sorry, folks, but I'm telling like it is. Want to know how important terrorism is? I even announced waivers for countries using child soldiers! We have to be nice to them so they'll let us kill terrorists who could hurt my chances for reelection. (Oh, spare me your liberal guilt. They keep them drugged up so they never know what hit them.)

Hey kid, smart people know politics all about the compromise.
And I'm so badass I'm compromising you!

And don't forget the economy (I know I did. OOPS!) I know unemployment figures have not improved, the big banks are bigger than ever (In 1995, six of the largest banks controlled assets equivalent to 17% of GDP, in January 2011, their assets controlled over 45%!), the future has been mortgaged by my No Banker Left Behind program and the outlook is very grim. But that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing!

I have those greedy bastards under my thumb now! I've gotten all sorts of super great regulation passed along with a whole new agency in the name of protecting little people. Of course, I could have given them the money to pay off their mortgages instead of giving trillions to the banks but hey, it's too late now. No more money left! These are the economic realities what we adults in the room have to face.

Trust me, the bankers will never, ever take down the economy again. Now there's some hope and change you can believe in!

Now that I have them all under control,
it's OK to let them escape any prosecution!

So I'm asking you, friends, Do you know what time it is? It's time to "Stop complaining, stop grumbling, and stop crying." In other words, if you're suffering how about a nice big cup of STFU! Nobody gets saved when you criticize your savior! Praising me is praising yourself! Don't you want to believe your President is a good man? Then just do it! The only way to believe in yourself is to believe in me. And I'm here to tell you I believe in YOU!

We're a good country at heart. We may be greedy but there's no price to pay for that. Baby Jesus loves our wars making us safe. I'm fighting the good fight only I can. So please, suffer your woes and worries unto me, the Democratic Jesus, the savior you must support or DIE!

After all, who do you want fucking you? A godly Democrat or a mean ol' Republican??

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
I'm firing up the base like a pan of Jiffy Pop!
Imagine me reelected, dear voter! On that no one can compromise. Stand by my principles!
Actually was worth reading through all that cry-baby bullshit to get to that great song and production number.

Kate, haven't You noticed, yet - apisa NEVER answers any questions, except with hyperbolic slogans.

He has NOTHING to add to intellectual discourse
(nor intercourse, for that matter).

I agree with You, Kate (however, frank is question averse)
I don't know rather to puke to the Left or the Right!
Get it ???
I swear I'll stop grumbling, complaining and crying if only you'll fuck me like a godly Democrat. All hail Obama Christ Superstar!
First the complete breakdown of society and now lynch mobs - hell, you probably also killed Princess Di. How do you sleep with yourself?
Ooops, wrong post - the pad thingy on this stupid laptop jumps me all over the place, but my questions still stand.
Hey Kate…I hear that Jessica Alba is a Republican. If that is the case, the question answers itself. But thanks for asking me to go on record. Good grief, would I love that. And…I have gone on record that I would do Sarah Palin is a heartbeat…even if she were spouting her bullshit while I was at work.

Ahhh…I don’t want to get in trouble here (I have friends who read my blog), but I also know a couple of foxes who are rather conservative in their views…who I would do in a New York second. (Just kidding, Nancy!)
Bet you got a bunch of good free goodies in your "illustrious" "career" as a strip club manager, didn't you, frank?

No, I won't tell, Nancy. Women are smarter than you think, frankie-boy. They know a rotten apple when they see one.
Frank, you are my crybaby bullshit expert! If you detect any let me know! It's time to stop complaining and start reelecting!

Kate, it's always good to hear when a male Republican is actually having sex with a woman.

Mark, I'll put you on the payroll Frank's mentor.
Scanner, puke in both directions just to be safe.

Heidi, Jesus got nothing on this boy!

Nana, Mr Tink will explain how to sleep with oneself!
Mr. President:

I have to admit to getting a little bit concerned over you, as you appear to be exhibiting bipolar personality disorder. First, you're extra submissive. Now, you're extra aggressive. Have you had your meds lately?
I'm trying to reach out to both sides as always, Mr. Lefty. One day I'll bring them both together just like I did with Congress!
Oh I love baby Jesus and grown up Jesus too. If little baby Jesus loves our wars making us safe then that's good enough for me. I feel safer just knowing you made millions more people hate us than hated us before you took office (many of them here in the US).

Everybody just sing along "Who are you? What have you sacrificed?" Thank you for saving us all!
hope i don't have to wait for the movie to come out on this, but I'll keep the popcorn hot, just in case
Who needs cable? Not I.

That there are still those who think the differences between the Dems and the GOP are in any way relevant in today's world, where they're both owned by the same interests, is proof positive that somewhere, somebody, has figured out how to "fool all of the people all of the time."