Yesterday, I learned something new about a little manly technique known as "the thin end of the wedge."
Men have often leveraged women into doing things we mightn't already be interested in doing. They do it without thinking, at times, and other times quite on purpose. (Not that women are incapable of doing the same--I just find it interesting it seldom has ever been my experience to have a woman apply a similar wedge technique.)
For women, this is an odd era. We don't often get our needs met without struggling. In addition, there are others' needs to be met, infants to be nursed, children to be supported through every new phase in development and/or every crisis, partnering to be kept up with, and even our parents may require that we look after their needs in old age, just when our children have finally taken wing to pursue their own goals.
Throughout the history of the known world, men have often been the goal of most women. That there are fewer of them than there are of us, and that they know how some of us do struggle adds an edge towards male narcissism.
That's a word that's come up here frequently of late on OS. Narcissism. It sounds pretty heavy. It smells of the tainted thinking of the centuries, and smacks of a lack of gentlemanly intent.
When a man wants my attention, but he cannot really believe I have no interest in spending time with him right then, he might take umbrage. I have no problem with most men. In fact, I have had really good friendships with men over the years, two of which blossomed into something deeper.
When I want another's attention, but that person has entered into a discussion group with his mates, and/or with a group to which I cannot belong by virtue of innate circumstances, I will not pursue that person's thought, thereby thoughtlessly barring him from deciding with whom he'd rather share his time at that point. Apart from the fact that I do not tend to act in a rude or rash way, then, for me, any sort of brash interrupting would only embarrass me, and make me look less appealing as a friend or compatriot.
My best bet, then, is to allow that he's going to be a little busy for a while with his mind in other areas besides me or anything I might have to offer.
That's life, isn't it?
We cannot always belong to every discussion group or gathering.
So, to have men trying to invade the space of an all woman gig seems pretty lousy to me and to many of my female friends here at OS (and offline).
I set up my space around three principles: Fairness, Calmness, and Civility. When I notice somebody may not be able to maintain his calm civility towards myself and those I care for, I tend to think pretty carefully prior to saying anything. This may take me time. I reflect, being rather a phlegmatic kind of thinker. I may pause, catch my breath, allow things to percolate for while, and then pronounce my own views.
However, there often is not time enough for a phlegmatic approach, as action may be called for. Action, as of yesterday, which may be raising more than a few hackles among our male members here on OS.
Let's look into what happened. A certain member kept re-asserting his right to say what he likes whenever and wherever here on Open Salon. We women then had to keep adjusting the whole tone of our gathering around his presence so as not to seem too harsh towards him. Nobody likes to be thought of as harsh or tough towards any of the guys who have not caused a fuss here on OS. We tolerated his presence for two hours, until it became blatantly clear he could not stand to allow us to have our all-women time without his male input.
At the point when nearly all of us were getting really weary of having our thoughts interrupted by his ideals on what women as a gender should be all about (constantly relenting, allowing him to always have a say in the proceeding, regardless of any inentions which did not include ANY men whatsoever) he tried it one more time. When one of us finally could not stand one more word, she took it upon herself to steer the commentary in the direction of making him pay for his hooliganism. This involved some imaginary waxing of one of his legs, with some imaginary duct tape used to keep him still.
"We are not pleased, Mr. Fellow Blogger," we said by getting strong on him in this manner. "You were not invited. Nor was any other man invited to this shindig of ours. If we wanted male input, the event would become a coed event, thereby assuring you of a seat among women friends today at OS."
Quite frankly, that's not what our female-oriented gatherings are about.
So, what are they about? You're probably wondering.
I'll tell you.
My All-Woman events are there to lend support to my female blogging compatriots, some of whom have been having one personal crisis after another. Their lives are full of other people's needs and desires, all clammoring for their attention--that's what being a mom and/or a wife/girlfriend often can mean. We don't have enough of our own needs met for half the time we're alive, we chicks. To share with each other an understanding, a favorable intent which is all about sharing and caring and nurturing each other is then to heal on many levels. We don't want your input during those gatherings, men, because, quite frankly, we live on a different planet known as Venus, where Martians just don't get the lingo. You may try, and we honor all many of you have done to try and get with us gracefully, with a growing respect.
But is interrupting us in the middle of our fun respectful? No, it is not. It is rude, pure and simple.Had you merely come by to say, at outset, and prior to things really getting underway, "Have a nice time, ladies! See you tomorrow!" or words to that effect, then we'd know you really would not be trying to horn in on our time.
I do not want this to happen again. I liked this male blogger at outset. Now, I'm quite frankly not certain how to view him. I do know one thing: It gave me no pleasure to have to begin deleting his content from the comments queue. In fact, I found it an odious task. Nor did I enjoy having to delete any of his male compatriots' content, but I did it, and I'd do it again if given the same choice.
Why?
Because this is Chick Territory only one day a week. Women may join me for free or very low cost films of higher quality than the average, and they can trust I'll let them be themselves, no matter what. They can share their ideas and feelings, if they care to, or leave their worries at the imaginary door marked "OS Foodie Tuesday Chicks' Night In Palace". (It's an imaginary suite, but we call it our Palace just because.) Maybe they need a little time away from a boss who's given them the runaround, or just a break from having to be a mom, or maybe even just a place to veg. Even if it's only for 5 minutes or so, maybe they can breathe a little easier afterward. No man to have to negotiate with. No man expecting us to be what they want us to become.
And, men, may the Powers That Be bless them, seldom do get what we really want. No offense, guys, but that's how it's panned out for those of us in this group, and with nearly every other female whom I have ever had the chance to get to know at all intimately.
To pretend otherwise is to argue for an untruth.
The fact remains, we did not invite men to our semi-private gatherings because we are interested in being ourselves amongst those of our kind who understand us best: other women.
Now, there may be chances for coed parties in future. Quite frankly, I am not in the mood now to even go there. Running a coed blog party takes a lot more effort than a simple Chicks' Night In gathering of souls. And right now, my life is full of plans and dates and money difficulties and problems getting around town, along with wildfires cluttering up the atmosphere with heavy toxins. I do not need a further hassle or more difficulty. Stress has been greater for me lately that usual, owing to my imminent move. They say moving, weddings, deaths, divorces, and births are the top stress-inducers. Add to that my health condition AND a local wildfire, and all I want is some down time with my female peeps, and no pressure to conform to anyone's idea of who I am or how I should or shouldn't proceed.
That was my preogative at outset. And this is my blog, not any man's. At least one of you men is in the habit of leaving just the one positive comment, not engaging us in conversation, along with his kind rate. (Actually, there are two who have only ever left just the one comment for one party) which did not seem an intrusion. Most of the OS men are confident we'll return refreshed from each all-female gathering, so they tend to stay away and allow us our time. This portion of OS maleness deserves my applause.
I only posted this due to the fact that I could hardly stand how things were another minute. I began to dread having my friends over for movies and goodies, all because I knew I would have to constantly be watchful against gate-crashing partygoers without the right credentials required.
Do I have to spell it out in blunt terms? Such terms make a woman like me feel put out, as I'd prefer to be on good terms with all my friends here at OS, and not just the female variety, either.
Here are those terms:
Any man caught leaving a comment during our Chicks' Nights In had better keep it brief, as in a brief, positive statement, and then disappear. Anything beyond that will be summarily deleted. As you were never invited, and are not welcome for the duration, be careful what you do. Should you, in protest, take on a false feminine disguise (as in an alter ego account at OS) expect that to get seen through pretty rapidly.
You have all been forewarned.
Now, kindly leave us alone during our gatherings. Were you truly and sincerely interested in us as people, posting my intent need never have happened. As it is, you have shown us your disrespect for our fun and our private world as separate beings. We don't need men in order to have a good time. Does that bother you or something? Then think only this: What have all the men's clubs, throughout the millennia really said to womankind? "Stay out! We don't want your input."
We rely on each other to be understanding as only one's kind can be. No man that I know of really gets this. But maybe they could, were they to try hard enough for it.
A grown up viewpoint is always nice, one that says, "I'm glad you're having a nice time, guess I'll let you alone to contuinue doing so."
Now, gents, have we finally got your attention? And are you actually going to respect our choice to have our own womanly conversation go on uninterrupted? (This will be only during Chick Time in my blog, mind you)
I dearly hope so. But if not, I can always delete your every comment and blog happily away as though those words of yours had never been posted in the first place.
Capiche?
Peace
PW
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Comments
You give succor to males who wail?
`
I read Adam was lonely in `Paradise.
Adam tilled and hoed alone. Ay Eve.
She came from Adam's spare-rib.
`
If I got a pain in my left rib?
I mean under a rib cage?
Am I a left paw rubber?
smile?
I mean my sore rib?
I get a wife asap?
I sure hope so.
`
What for supper?
ask scupper? huh?
Just eat blue berry.
Chew berry up good.
Chew berry 32- times.
It's feminine to gaze.
Eat in quiet. goo goo.
Watch each eat fruit.
`
Sometimes OS reminds me of the Joke Wall on "Laugh In".
http://youtu.be/sf_Oz9yFAak
I tried to participate a bit yesterday but I my internet connection was spotty and I was exhausted causing me to be less than patient. That's what I get for cutting costs and cheaping out.
It looked like everyone had a blast, you were the hostess with the mostess!
muhaaa!
In a way, I kinda wished you named the man who did that. Male chauvanism may not be dead but the few men I know here are angelic and would NEVER do such a thing.
Women usually have the capacity for instant rapport with each other, are empathic and all those good things. I wonder why HE was so threatened and equally why you all put up with him, given that he sounds over the top. RRRR
I guess I feel honored to have you pay us a visit with your poetic response to my blog's content.
Thanks for stopping by!
V.Corso: Well, he did ask for it. Without thinking you might choose to cleverly do something retaliatory. It was not fun for me, personally, in that I tire easily, and had plans which had to be continually scotched, all because this handful of men could not keep away.
Then, too, all the PMing I had to do got in the way. As his mood deteriorated, I then had to deal with the fallout from that.
I do not want to sond so hard-nosed, but enough was enough.
I'm glad you cyber-waxed him, and that we virtually taped him to a chair. I would never have though of that as an option if you hadn't stepped up to the plate. You had my back. I thank you for it.
Asia: You are so kind! Thank you for those sweet words! I was so tickled to see you join us, even tho' so late in the game.
Ya gotta cut costs somewhere, I suppose. We all have to cinch our belts in this era.
I agree with you in
" I set up my space around three principles: Fairness, Calmness, and Civility'' .
I liked reading your work.
Thank you for sharing .
Perhaps your sister was unaware how I do not have ALL OS women in my Favorites. Without you as a favorite, I cannot PM you, can I?
I guess I can take care of that little problem right away here!
:)
To tell you the truth, the fact that I'd always thought fairly highly of this chap was partly what makes it all the more sensitive an issue. How does one tell someone one would like to continue being on god terms with that you'vc had enough of his interrupting the fun, and would he please get lost? That's rough!
After lots of PMing, I finally got him to back off. But this was not what I needed. I needed refreshment for the soul, not another hassle. Not only that, but it's fatiguing for me to have to continually deal with any stress-producing issue. That this wore me out sooner, and kept me less than cheerful throughout, is surely the case.
I haven't erased all of his commentary. And the party post is still up.
Thanks for the support.
And you and any other female blogger friends here on Open Salon are welcome to come join the fun next time around.
:)
I was trying to tease Olga: as in gawd, what a question!
You work really hard on creating the film nights, both in your research and writing, then in hostessing with the mostessing. OS has been running low on fun, and your efforts to create some are much appreciated. Thank you.
:)
Greenheron: My dear, your kind words here act like a balm to my beleaguered spirits. Thank you so much for that kind thought.
PW, I think you've expressed yourself very clearly and I'm a hundred percent in agreement with you. Thank you once again for your kindness and stalwartly acting. You're in my thoughts for relief.
R♥
You are a dear. Thank you for the good thoughts about relief.
:)
Olga:
I'm so happy we've resolved our issue and are becoming friends!
Lezlie
You've brought a smile to a somewhat saddened blogger's heart.
I think I was probably a bit of a pain in the ass once we got it going. I wanted "us" to be "doing" more, consciousness raising more even. Eventually I just stopped trying to push the river and enjoyed it for what it was. Looking back, the main thing it was just a nice place to hang out and talk. Sometimes the talk was fluffy, sometimes heavy. We were always so haggard in the hallways like Lucys and Ethels with the assembly line of kids not chocolates coming at us to be tended and seen to at an exhausting pace.
The blowback from some of the male fellow teachers at the school, and not the guys I would expect, more some of the gentlemanly and quieter ones, was stunning. They seemed angry and threatened by such an organization. Say what? Many, mind you did not care one way or the other. But SOME became really hostile to me, that I was organizing the women to sit around and presumably castigate men in general and our fellow teachers in particular. Tupperware and weight loss were probably discussed at the time far more than men, any men.
But it was a projection of anger and fear that I and we didn't deserve, but it was there. It soon enough died down but it startled me that the simple "right to assembly as women" was putting up a troubling barrier for some men. Especially in a world that was heavily male-oriented ... I mean growing up I saw women's jobs as for teachers, secretaries or nurses. THAT WAS IT. MY OPTIONS. Thankfully that has changed.
I am glad I grew up during a women's movement but there was a lot of re-processing to be done, and re-learning to be done, and that isn't easy when the second-class citizenship is kind of in your hard-wiring and probably still is in mine to some extent to this day. And that gets passed along to younger women in our lives, too. Maybe the rhetoric is progressive enough, but our behavior leaks out some continuing oppression of spirit. And with the political regression of women's rights .. but that is for another longer blog.
Those glass ceilings. Yes, women are up to, many, or a respectable number in middle management now, though sadly some of them embracing the dark patriarchy oppression instead of extending empathy and opportunity to their sisters. Some on the other hand do mentor.
But that tippity top 1% group is still mostly men and I am thinking the only women the overlords there probably let in are the seller-outers of fellow women. I mean you can probably count on one hand the economic power house women. I think of the Streep character in Devil Wears Prada. But I digress. :-)
The Tuesday salon is a great idea. The boundary keeping from what I had read was jocular and good natured which maybe prevented it from being as seriously taken as it could have been, but that is how often women send messages at first. I know I do. I think I am pointing out my boundaries but I am sending a mixed signal by not letting enough of my firmness show early enough.
Then again, firmness especially women to men can trigger blowback. There is the saying if a man starts a war he is considered maybe "aggressive", if a woman puts a man on hold on the phone she is often immediately declared a downright "bitch". THE NERVE. Double standard.
Lately my stressed out workplace is beginning to extend more and more opportunities for abuse of status by middle management workers to those of us on lower rungs, especially women on women, sadly. Being on a lower rung if you give back some of the disrespect you are getting you will be fired instantly for insubordination. yeah, the way of the world. Eat shit and smile is the name of the game, especially now, since finding an alternative job is damn near impossible. Bound to happen. But it sure SUCKS!!!!
Anyway, you are underlining your point about keeping your and our Tuesday night chicks night for women. I think it is an interesting and healthy forum, in terms of bonding and also sharing of all kinds. Maybe the men will have their own, but that is not any of our business. Hmmmm. Come to think of it, would we jump into their blog as readily and teasingly as they did to yours and ours? Maybe some. Maybe not. I'm thinking mostly not.
I thought threatening with virtual leg waxing was a very funny and effective way to discourage men from testing the boundary. But it was jocular. You are now underscoring the importance of women ONLY in THIS blog and that is a great thing, PW. Makes me take it all the more seriously and appreciatively as a sacred opportunity for bonding and also appreciate your extra responsibility as organizer and structurer of the night and hostess and the extra pressure to defend the boundaries you established.
Sometimes it takes someone like you to say, wait a minute, or WAFM, to underline rights and/or needs and/or opportunities that the rest of us have minimized or denied.
Thanks for doing that, then and now. :-)
best, libby
The "good old boys" network are scared of women being orderly and timely enough to create their own scene.
The shocking part for me has been, I did not see this coming from the person delivering it.
So sad. He can be likable, even wiser than some. So when I began to intuit that there was a rift in his thinking between what's favorable for women and what men expect of us, well, I started taking another look at his commentary.
This man either childishly thought I was teasing by setting my boundaries, or else he downright wanted to flout them , to force his way in on nearly every discussion.
Why?
he'd seemed better suited to real friendship up until that point. He'd had thoughts which seemed fairly enlightened. We chatted amiably in the days previous to this party. He'd seemed all right to me before.
So what happened?
I just don't understand it.
It was almost as if he wished for any attention to be directed HIS way, and not on the party itself.
But WHY?
Why not take in a picture or two with the guys, and let us chicks have our time doing the chick things we like doing?
It just did not make any sense at all.
Art wanted to ask me if I "give succor to males who wail."
What succor is there for any man with a narrow-minded agenda that does not take into account the views of others?
(Bless him, I doubt he got all that was really going down at that point.)
Libby, it's like being engaged in any peaceful protest: We will not be moved!
Often.
It took a bit to realize that you were NOT teasing about the men being excluded. I did not have the advantage of both written word AND body language or tone of voice to pick up on your jocular push backs..and did not envision it being as serious a thing as you write here.
I have never noticed a scenario like that in OS before, where the word "open" is not so much. But that does not mean I cannot and will not respect it.
Now, I can read above and appreciate what you say and feel and think, and I can certainly respect the view point and be very very certain to stay well outside of the lines you have drawn.
But I have to say that I am also dismayed a bit to see this post, written as it is.
It would have been wonderful in my mind to have a post to call out that indeed you are serious, but to do so while poking however carefully on this individual, seems...well....unnecessary.
My apologies for not being more sensitive early on to your desires with regards to this.
RATED.
I have been phone banking for Obama to Colorado. Nice people...
It does get really sensitive when we have altercations with certain individual personalities on open salon. We rely on a natural cronyism -- usually both parties rely on a natural cronyism for support -- and often both parties are disappointed with the unwillingness of many to empathize as much as we would like or become as out front involved as much as we would like.
Sometimes the two parties need to work it out between each other or choose not to. (I have also found in my life when I have covered someone's back from loyalty and become involved, once the crony makes up with their adversary I am still on the adversary's sh*t list, so to speak. There are considerations.)
Anyway, don't underestimate the power your messaging has in your blog above and even from that night. It will resonate to those relevant to this blog forum on open salon and relevant to the issue and the particularly party you are most frustrated with I am sure!
The confusion and frustration you were feeling and are highlighting at the time deserves empathy. But some of the issues may have to be addressed by you privately if at all possible with the individual you are clearly most stressed with.
You were in a unique and very responsible position. I appreciate that and am sorry for the energy and fortitude it called on in you. And the ambushes you had to weather.
best, libby
Think back on the women's movement, continuing. Look at what crap they got for pushing for the right to vote, and all the rest of it! This present crusade is just another chapter, important, no matter what its scope! best, libby
I have a condition which rounds out my days with a worry. I lack all sorts of help in my home life, and yet struggle every day to keep my lifestyle afloat on too little money.
As outlined above, to hold any coed event takes reserves of strength and time which I simply do not have to offer at this point. Yet, I do enjoy having gatherings now and again, virtual gatherings being the one and only way a person in transition between two locations can afford or manage to do.
I believe we called it Chicks' Night In to denote whom the party was for. It's self explanatory.
Can the men of OS not hold their own retreats just for guy time? What's wrong with that?
You get to hang out with me and my female fellow bloggers the other 6 days of the week. Who's spoiling anyone's fun?
Not the women. That's for darn sure.
And I'll tell you something else.
It is very tough trying to share with others how one feels about such a set of circumstances without describing for others the whys and wherefores. Had I not include the story above, people would have been doubting I really meant all that I'm saying here. More challenges would then get issued.
Also, this blog is coed for most of the time I am writing for it.
Yet, I have noticed that it's only when I hold a party that many of the men are likely to show up.
Am I some kind of party machine?
Is party time all that people want of this blogger?
Last Sunday morning was a real shock for me, as my little post about my "Real Dad" was in the 4 Hour Feed, and at the top, and stayed in the Feed for many hours, while everyone came by who then visited.
But when I blogged about a fire, and how it would be good of at least a few of the OS members to help the Red Cross, I got maybe 10 visits.
I get the impression y'all want me to be somebody I'm not, to either spill my guts or throw parties everyone gets to come to, or get lost.
What difference does it make? I made my valid point above. Those who witnessed how bad it got at one point keep PMing me with supportive notes. They saw it all. They know what happened. They already understand how hard it is for me to handle too much at once. The newer folks who have not known me long enough maybe may be excused. But a kind, calm request to cease and desist should have been all that was necessary.
Saying "please' is the kind way. Must I be rough in order to get understood? I find such stressful situations almost unbearably tiresome at times. I'm not kidding.
You also add this: 'I have never noticed a scenario like that in OS before, where the word "open" is not so much. But that does not mean I cannot and will not respect it.'
"Open."
Yeah. I get the drift.
With a heavy heart I now add the following for you to think about in the days ahead:
I am blogging with my friends here on OS, but I consider the women friends I have made here to be of more lasting value to me than many of the men. That's only natural, as I am a woman.
We women do enjoy a good gabfest. Generally, in real life, most men wouldn't bother to try and add their 2 cents' worth to any such gathering were they to run across one in someone's home or in a restaurant somewhere. To do so would only be considered as rude or abrupt.
But if we're at Open Salon, this means ANYBODY can see what we're talking about. There are no separate "rooms" per se.
That still does not excuse any rude horning in once boundaries have been set up, guarding the hearts of those participating.
I won't be lenient on these issues because I know the moment I would do so, ALL the men would wish to jump aboard, and start slanting the conversation in the direction that suits their mindset best.
That's not for you or any man to choose, JD. I'm sorry.
And my Chicks' Nights may dwindle for a time while I'm moving, but I will be back around for more fun in a girls' Night venue which I create for my female blogging compatriots here on OS.
I will leave you with one last idea to let percolate:
Here, we blog freely. Benignly, I offered this service. Yet some are questioning the motive behind it. I am not trying to exclude anybody out of meanness or insympathy.
But I do enjoy all girl activities.
So that's what I planned for.
And it's about all I am currently able to handle.
Think about that before you judge me or find me "guilty."
Men don't like women to suit themselves without male input.
What makes this so, JD?
Peace to you
We live in an era when everybody's nervous systems are jangling over many worries and thoughts having to do with war and pollution, social injustice and the constitution, etc.
Who gives a flying fig whether I have it in mind to provide a little respite for female bloggers only? What's stopping the men from doing anything similar?
And why was this supposedly flout-worthy to any males who happen to take it unkindly, when I am meaning it as a service for my women compatriots?
These questions yet remain unanswerable. It may be the men have no idea what bothers them about this. Or it may be as simple as JD's outlook, re the "Open" portion of Open Salon.
So many more men did not try and add their commentary than have.
I think this speaks for itself.
patrick: THANK YOU! I'm so glad you get what I really intended isn't meant to cause trouble not hurt feelings.
PMs flew back and forth between us for awhile, and the rest is history. It's between the two of us. I won't go there in this public venue.
Thanks for stopping by.
Now may be I will be able to again.
Let's hope!
;)
"Their lives are full of other people's needs and desires, all clammoring for their attention--that's what being a mom and/or a wife/girlfriend often can mean. We don't have enough of our own needs met for half the time we're alive, we chicks. To share with each other an understanding, a favorable intent which is all about sharing and caring and nurturing each other is then to heal on many levels."
I think I missed much that happened later and wasn't aware that it created a problem last night as it seemed people were having fun in the beginning. I understand and agree that part of having chicks night is getting to do the silly things we do to lighten up and mutual female friendliness, it's relief from the serious and the non-stop necessary stuff that's about everyone but me.
Perhaps you'll need to add a brief paragraph at the beginning letting the men know that we like them and look forward to seeing them on other blogs, but respectfully tell them to not participate with us here on this one night. Unfortunately sometimes you have to get rough and they still don't listen, football coaches don't drop clues, they scream for a reason.
Again, I had a wonderful time last night, I really felt a sense of belonging. Today that joy stayed with me and mom and I watched Charade. First I showed her your blog and the fun comments, I pointed out the states and countries some live in and what these ladies mean to me, we laughed over the party elephant and brownies. She got to see me laugh and smile, last year she didn't get to see me smile much. Women nurture other women well.
Thank you for the work you did especially since I know what stress you're under. Love and peace to you.
What a lovely, life-affirming comment!
Thank you so much. You have just made my day!
:D
For one thing if a guy tried to do that, it would be the shriek heard 'round the blogosphere. Figuratively speaking of course. This is reverse discrimination.
There's other considerations too. Sometimes men bring the best food and also, some of the men around here, like James, are more like women than a lot of women. (Of course I'm not implying in any way that James is effeminate, rather, he "gets" how women thinketh much as he doth protesteth too mucheth otherwiseth.)
You can hardly keep Scanner away with threats; he LOVES to be harassed by women.
And some of the men may *in fact* be women, incognito. I have it on good authority Matt Paust's name is really Mattilda. MTN (Man Talk Now) has been accused of being all kinds of things, including a woman. Joisey Shore, he of the enviable, eternally silky, almost-a-ponytale pose may really be a very beefy gal. Then there's Kim...
What about women who may be mean? Drew-Silla and Amy are *supposedly* female but I'd put my money on either one of them in a cage fight. And Phyllis, who never turns around, may in fact be "Phil". It is all very confusing.
If you continue down this slippery slope, I see stormy and divisive days ahead, PeeWee. How do we even know you're a woman? I mean, your avatar's a flower and you call yourself "Poor Woman" but for all anyone knows, you could really be Ptolomy Wysocki.
How do we know "Pretty In Pink" or "Cutie Patootie" or "Shrinking Violet" aren't males (I assure you, these are all avatars of other extremely virile and manly men who blog as females simply to stay in touch with their feminine sides without shame or reproach).
Scrolling through the comments, I see zebras and flowers and birds. They mean nothing! Even the ones who look like women -how do we know Asia Rein isn't really trig's better-looking, smarter alter?
We don't. Perhaps we are all more alike than we are different.
You state, "I set up my space around three principles: Fairness, Calmness, and Civility." For short, FCC, ha.
I however find you in contempt of FCC fairness regulations and requirements, none of which I know but I'm sure exist. Therefore, I am withdrawing my funding for your blog and revoking your tax-exempt status until you allow men (or women who pretend to be men), to participate.
Sincerely,
Margaret Feike
(or am I?)
I may do what I like, say what I like as an adult here at OS, including how it pleases me to entertain any women up for it only one day a week (and then not even every week will this occur).
I am not beholden to any man here.
Most of the men have been fine with us women enjoying a once-a-week-every/so-often-Chicks' Night In.
I even alerted you, only you never joined in (unless you yourself have more than one identity here).
It's insane, calling any such enjoyment "reverse discrimination."
And, for your information, I am well known to a few from these parts, one of whom has actually chatted with me on the phone a few times in the last year and a half. She would share with you I am most certainly a woman.
Are you?
Your avatar could be your sister's photo, and you might be a pool shark from Georgia named Billy Bob for all we know. I do not care, Margaret.
If I wish to have a party anywhere, including online, and invite only my female peeps, I'm entitled.
And before you stick up for James, you'd have to be privy to the entire story, which I can tell you cannot have been hitherto. There are two sides to every issue, and certainly more than one opinion as to what's real in any situation. As you decided not to and/or could not ( I know not which) show up the other evening, and therefore did not witness the entire disagreeable scene, you have no say in its final outcome, either. No offense, but it takes more than a passing knowledge of what went down to get what's real in this particular instance.
Also, I would not mind one bit if our gang of guys chose to have their own get togethers sans female company. I do not enjoy their kind of fun, and it would not trouble me in the least. Were I satisfied that I and only I could hold events here at OS, then I think you could call "fowl." But as anyone can, there can have been no discrimination added to the mix.
Is it discriminatory not to invite men to a Bridal shower? I assure you, most men would find such a scene an even bigger bore than the average chick flick.
I am not hiring or firing. I do not make policy. I'm only holding small gatherings for my female peeps.
Anyone having a problem with that needs something more important to think about.