just phyllis

just phyllis
Small Town, Indiana, USA
November 13
Blogging with PTSD --------------- "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia _____________________________________ All works ┬ęPhyllis45, the author of this blog. _____________________________________ Also posting at Our Salon http://oursalon.ning.com/ http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/Phyllis


JULY 24, 2013 7:05PM

For the Friends of Sirenita

A face without a name 
A heart so full of love
what is there to spare
when the call comes from above

How do we go on
when the love we knew is gone
where do we go forth
when a life is said and done?

We come together here
We sing a song of joy
We celebrate… Read full post »

JULY 20, 2013 6:57PM

Moving on the Fence

Hooray for me, today I bought the beginning of my new fence! I am going to do the west end first, where the neighbors are, and where the sun goes down, so I can sit on my back steps and watch it in peace. 

(I did get a swift kick this… Read full post »

Melissa Noble, I need you to step up because she is bringing you into it, too. If you agree with this statement from the Facebook page, then please state here, in my comments, that you do. Otherwise, you are complicit in the harassment.

From V's Facebook page this morning:

 "Phyllis usedRead full post »

JULY 15, 2013 1:02PM

The Next Step in Fence Building

fence map
Building a fence. Building my fence. Bringing my metaphorical boundaries into physical shape. We talked about my fence at my counseling session on Friday. Last night I measured it out. Today after work I will get prices for the material.
I have been procrastinating. Of course, w… Read full post »
JULY 12, 2013 1:00PM

Is This Real Life?

Life has a flow, it is hard sometimes to slow down and see the patterns. I have been noticing patterns around me lately that make me wonder about things.

I have a routine now, and I seem to have found a routine that is pleasant.

I stop at the same… Read full post »

JULY 6, 2013 3:41PM

A Rainy Day Garden Update

As I was watching my beets cook, it occurred to me that I haven't made a garden post in a while, so here, today, is an update. It is raining, intermittent showers which are making my ponytail frizz mightily and making it icky to pull weeds, of which I have many.… Read full post »

JULY 4, 2013 8:58AM

Happy 4th of July!

Now turn off your computer and go make some good memories.



  Read full post »

JULY 1, 2013 1:02PM

Sweet Bouquets

Hello. I found another saying by Dr. Amen recently that said that smells affect the deep limbic system in your brain, and that surrounding yourself with sweet smells works in a positive way. So while this can't be a scratch and sniff post, I hope these photos bring you memories of… Read full post »

JUNE 29, 2013 9:13AM

Hope is a Passive Agressive Sneak

Always alone

Always will be alone

I just looked at the calendar in my phone; there's a good chance that this incredible funk I am living in is hormonally based. While that would be nice, hopeless is not a fun place to be, I have spent the couple of days wondering… Read full post »

JUNE 26, 2013 9:10PM


Young James suggested that I let my anger out. He's over there writing about sex, so I guess I could write about violence.

 I have to admit, the thought of being able to purge it all through writing is a wonderful dream. Who wouldn't like such an easy, low impact way to… Read full post »

JUNE 23, 2013 6:16PM

Strangely silent

I can't talk

Speech is beyond me

Things I want to say

But I can't find the courage

Would anyone care

If I do say what I want

Setting myself up

Letting go of control

Wanting to, needing to

Not being able to

Not knowing if they care

Making dreams out… Read full post »

What is this life
How do we wend
When the bogey man
Is around every bend?

How do we go on
When we are scared half to death
What do we do
When gasping for breath?

I, too, am afraid
Of what, who knows?
Life is just scary
And so on it goes.

But why do you fear me?
I don't… Read full post »

JUNE 14, 2013 4:17AM

Anger and PTSD

Live love slander loss libel good evil spite

Two things have come to my attention this week, from two independent sources. The first is that I tend to grumble a lot, and the second is that you have to be careful whom you talk to because no conversation is… Read full post »

JUNE 8, 2013 8:51PM

Flower Power

Today turned out to be a lazy day. I woke up energetic, went into town to get a haircut and some cat food; PetSmart had 15% off today so I bought extra and I bought a 42 pound package of cat litter for $15.49 - 15%. I then got some… Read full post »

JUNE 6, 2013 12:32PM

Joyous Abandon

Oh, to be filled
with joyous abandon
to be young and be lithe and be gay

Oh, just to feel
this joyous abandon
to be bright in the month of May

I want to be
that joyous abandon
to run and to shout and to play

Oh let me live
in joyous abandon
to the end of my final… Read full post »

JUNE 3, 2013 8:42PM

The Past Eleven Days

The past eleven days have been enlightening. You may remember that it was a Thursday night eleven days ago that my older sister called to tell me that she had to move into my house and the narrow escape I had; she didn't move in. I finally got a text from… Read full post »

JUNE 1, 2013 11:18AM

On the Rebound

Being self aware is something that is not for the faint of heart, especially when you have emotional issues to deal with. I make no claims to being self aware, but I am becoming more so, I hope.

Some of you may have read my posts about having to delve into… Read full post »

The next word is tragedy. So what, once you experience tragedy you're no longer young?

Maybe it's the acceptance of the tragedy that ages you. I know I feel older every time I have a PTSD episode, be it a flashback or the hell I just went through for the past… Read full post »

MAY 29, 2013 12:34PM

Sharing My Lunch!

Today, I am in a good mood. It hit yesterday as I was leaving work and is still upon me. The headache still lingers, I am sitting in the sun as I type because I chose the wrong seat (I'm going to move now) (safely moved), and I am fully edematized… Read full post »

MAY 27, 2013 12:07PM

For Memorial Day

This was just shared on my Facebook page, and it feels right for today. Kaziah Hancock, who paints portraits of fallen military personnel.

The video is a few years old, but it feels timeless. I wish we could quit sending her people to paint.
MAY 24, 2013 7:16AM

The Phone Call From Hell

Joyous news!!!! She's not moving in!!!! Dad got through to her and she did something smart for a change. Thanks to all the good spirits who intervened and saved my poor head from exploding. 

I got a phone call from my sister last night- she has blown an opportunity to get… Read full post »

MAY 19, 2013 2:59PM

The Epitome of Fearless

I went out into my yard today to plant and pick up mowed grass and pull weeds, enjoying the sun and the music from my Walkman and being peaceful. I dug up the spot for my cabbages and brussels sprouts, tilled it, raked it, and began planting. I stood up after… Read full post »

MAY 18, 2013 6:08AM

Weird Dreams and Dizzy Spells

Another experiment in pharmacology seems to have failed for me. What is it about my physiology that doesn't allow me to live inside of an FDA approved bottle of chemicals?

This post won’t be a lesson in physiology as I really don’t know enough on the topic to expound and… Read full post »

MAY 14, 2013 3:05AM

2 in the morning

What are we doing
     at 2 in the morning
That compells us to lie here
     awake and alone

This magical hour
     of 2 in the morning
It catches us wanting
     to not be alone

Asleep then awake here
     a/… Read full post »

A copy of

The Constitution of the United States of America,

graciously provided by the American Civil Liberties Union.


Wally is standing guard...


Throwing the Constitution out of the window...


Wally is watching...


It would probably work… Read full post »