I just have to say, it is absolutely gorgeous in my backyard today. The sun is shining, birds and bugs are chirping, a nice breeze is blowing, neighbors down the block are renovating their house, dogs are barking, and Yahoo says it is 81°F. I believe them. We had a pretty good thunderstorm roll through. It started raining last night, finished this morning. My yard has a definite green look to it that is grass and not weeds. I used the drought as an opportunity to find all of my weeds and kill them. One patch is not dead because every time I spray them it is a signal for rain to fall. Perhaps I should have been spraying them more often?
Puff and I started our day with her getting breakfast in bed. The thunderstorm was booming and she was hungry, so I gave her a treat.
She left when I started singing to the radio. Maybe it was the song? She usually likes my singing.
I finally got up at 9:30 and went to a neighbor's garden to pick green beans. Oh, it was muddy but I didn't sink in, thank goodness. I got a bucketful. After dumping them in my yard and hosing the mud off I threw 1/3 of them away. Still ahead by 2/3 of a bucket, though, and I gave some to Dad when he came by. I should have given him some for my sister, but I didn't realize he was going to be seeing her when I bagged up his. They are working on trading in her Ranger for a PT Cruiser. Cheaper and better mileage. Which also means we will be a family devoid of trucks. Good thing I can rent one if I need it.
This is Puff's postition when I came outside. This is truly a nice way to spend a day.
This is what I see when I look up. I think this is a wonderful view, btw.
Also seeing the world around me and enjoying it, but I just love this umbrella and the unfinished patio and the table and my lawn chair.
I had mentioned before that I wanted to write a series of posts on emotional pain. I have started on the project. One post has been written, and I would like someone to review it but am balking at the thought of sharing it with anyone. I want it to be good. I want it to make sense. I can't show it to anyone where I live because there is too much in it that they don't know about. I am now reading a book that was going to be the second installment, and I can't quit thinking about what happened 25 years ago.
So before I go any further I am going to talk to my counselor. If I am going to do this I am going to have to consider that I may be sharing it with the world. So far my audience is limited to you guys. I'm not breaking any records on most viewed, here, and this is a safe place for me to share. And it could be that my offerings on emotional pain will garner the same amount of views. But, if it doesn't, if the tags draw in readers and some editor somewhere thinks it's worthy of cross-posting and sharing, then I will be way out there.
I have also noticed a plethora of articles on this topic lately. More Magazine has had two issues with them, that I've read. The college newspaper did a striking story last Friday of a veteran. Here's the link for you to read it. The sentence that got me was "Claire said Dan spends so much time trying to forget, he is losing the ability to remember pretty much anything at all." I have noticed that myself, and have been pushing myself for a few years to get my cognitive functions back.
I read so much in these articles that I have to wonder what I could offer. Or is that an excuse? Don't try so you can't be rejected. I'll talk to her on Friday and try to figure this out.
So back to my lovely Sunday in Indiana. Salt of the Earth neighbor just started cussing again which is his way of having a casual conversation. That's okay, I don't have to live with him. I'm going to clean out my shed.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
theig86
CatholicGirl
six foot skinny
john guzlowski
evictoria
Stacey Youdin
Salon.com
Comments
We finally got some rain and the grass needed mowing!!!
Beautiful post, well written, well received.
I picked almonds Friday - 200 or so. And, I've got 5-6 dozen fresh figs. So, I'm to get everything ready to make almond stuffed dried figs.
Tomatoes are starting to come in - bell peppers - eggplant still coming along. Looks like squash borers are going to get the melons I planted a few weeks ago.
I'm glad you were able to get your first post written! Take are - have a good week.
Dianne, she does a bit, doesn't she. Thanks for your nice comment.
Oryoki, the rain is cleansing; my head is less stuffy today. Puff accepts all pets, just don't try to pick her up. She's never been fond of it and is now arthritic. :)
Just fooled the squirrel. It's sitting on the tree next to me wondering what's up. It came almost to the table before it saw me. We'll get there.
R♥
"Take are" should be Take care!
Fernsy, I have been trying for a while to convince the squirrel that I mean no harm, but no luck. It did sit in the tree for a few minutes, though, before dashing away. Progress.
Mark, I kinda feel that, sometimes, bugs need to be eradicated. Like weeds. If you let these guys go they'll be worse next year. I've still got some- the baby ones made mincemeat of one of my lettuces- but nothing like what was on the pumpkin last year.
A line of severe storms is bearing down on me and georgie puppy.
huh. maybe i will send him outside...
for payback for stealing just about everything of mine today...
no i shall not.
dont worry..
........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Blessings(ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★R
I too started to have the same cognitive difficulty and it was from listening to morons, many with medical degrees. The advice to put the past out of your mind is just stupid. It fails to take into account that memory is a vital brain function that tells us where to return for food and where danger is. Humans are not exclusively subject to history repeating itself, rabbits who fail to remember where coyotes hunt are doomed to be eaten. If people put half the understanding into humans who have been traumatized that they do into abused animals we'd have less problems. I have made more progress with accepting that there were terrible things that happened and finding ways to deal with the memories can resurface when triggered. If it's inconvenient for others that I can't heal on their schedule, it's not my job to accomodate their needs. My job is to continue to fnd tools that work, not to walk around forgetting to eat or basic functions to accomodate simpletons.
Quite franky, bad advice based on ignorance that's shoved down my throat has started to really piss me off. If someone doesn't understand brain function that's okay, not everyone understands or researches it, but they should shut up instead of giving me an unworkable treatment plan based on their opinion of how a brain should work. It's beyond insensitive and useless, it's harmful and neither ignorance or stupidity is an excuse for it. It wears me out to have to explain to them why I'm what they perceive as overly-sensitive and can't just get over it because they order me to. I don't have time or energy to waste explaining it to them when there are plenty of average people who make the effort to understand, and that's where I put my energy.
"Claire said the lowest of their lows are “suicide days.” Dan avoids talking or thinking about his problems at almost all costs; but on these days he vocalizes thoughts of how he’ll never be OK again, how he’s just so tired of trying."
The article was insightful, as well as sad, I relate to Dan and Claire. It would be easier to be dead and I have those thoughts, trying to be okay when you keep hitting brick walls is exhausting. Just like with many other people (some much worse off than I am) the reality is that I will never be fully okay, there was too much for too long. Constantly trying to be okay feels like a never ending task, there is no time line on when recovery comes, or what techniques will work, it's not like rehabbing a limb. Unlike being able to keep weight off a damaged leg, there are new injuries added to old. The new injuries trigger memories of the past, like seeing garbage on the side of the road here reminds Dan of the times they walked looking for homemade bombs.
Many days I'm sorry I woke up and wish I died in my sleep. I didn't go to the hospital a couple of years ago when I had heart attack symptoms because I have little desire to survive. I'm tired of living but maybe tomorrow or next year it will get better. In the meantime, last week we had a cool day where I sat outside, at least once a week I get to see the baby and now I'm going to art class and have pencils to sit and draw. It could be a lot worse, and it might get a lot better so I just get to keep trying and enjoying when it feels good.
I'm grateful for both for articles and posts because if there's acknowledgement then solutions will come. As long as we pretend there's no problem, there is no hope for solving them. Everything I read holds a tiny glimmer of hope for me, for now, I'm operating strictly on hope that maybe someday someone will have a solution and I will truly be okay. I'm glad you're enjoying a beautiful day, thank you for the post and the hope.
Bleue, thank you for reading the article. It is so profound and hit me on a lot of levels, too. Your phrase "It could be a lot worse, and it might get a lot better " exactly describes me and how I view life. You have your pencils, I have my patio. I am happy that you have the baby now, too. I think she's going to be very good for you.
And thanks for your comments on my Oak Creek piece. Much appreciated.
Rated.
Scylla, it was a grand day and promises to be a grand week.
Hiya, Cupcake! Puff allows me to wrap my arms about her but no pressure can be applied. She's creaky. But she appreciates the thought that people want to squeeze her. It does make me chuckle that the 80s are temperate weather but I'll take it.
No, not really!! :D
Tink, then you're not doing it right. :0)
You've got so much going for you.
~R~
V., I like you, too!
M.C.S., I'm glad you enjoyed it!