Disclaimer: I am going to rant because I have to vent my spleen. My niece is getting married Saturday, and it's either get all of this out here, where it's safe, or eat my last roll of Thin Mints, keep all of my spleen inside of me, and possibly erupt at the wedding. So if you don't want to share my pity party I'd leave now.
I had another revelation in the shower this morning. Two, actually. I hate weddings. And I need a man. You know the kind of man I mean. The guy you hook up with in a dingy apartment on mostly clean, cheap sheets, screw each others brains out, then go home in balance again and get a good sleep. His apartment, not yours, so he doesn't know where you live. But you can always go back to the bar next weekend and see if he's still interested. If you want to.
Why do I hate weddings? I've been thinking about that. First, I've never had one so I don't quite understand why you would spend thousands of dollars on a dress, flowers and renting tuxedos when you could use that money to hire a band and throw a party. Second, I've never had a friend or a family member invite me to help plan a wedding. There's all this magic and emotions and bonding and remember when going on and I am ostracized from being a part of it. I'm always invited to come and bring a gift, though, and watch the inside group have fun from a distant table.
High school- three of my friends got married. One asked me to watch the guest book but on the day of the wedding one of his family members showed up so they asked me to step aside. One invited me to watch her wedding. One didn't invite me for anything.
My older sister got married twice. I didn't really expect her to invite me to share because she didn't like me. Or me, her.
My younger sister got married twice. The first time she was in Texas and I was in Indiana. The second time, we were both in Texas. She thought I hated her husband so she barely invited me to the wedding. I think she wouldn't have if Mom & Dad hadn't been around.
Did I hate her husband? No. I was jealous and hurt because she dumped me flat as I was coming home from Desert Storm because she started dating this guy she met at a bar who was in and out of jail, and I never got a chance to know him, but I didn't hate him. You can't hate someone you don't know.
My bosses daughter got married about two years ago. She told me I couldn't come to the wedding because she didn't want to turn it into a "work" event, but she secretely invited two people who didn't like her to attend. She didn't know they didn't like her; they were that two-faced. She has since told me that she goofed but that doesn't help much.
Now my niece is getting married. I thought, since she keeps telling me that I'm her favorite relative and she loves me more than her Mom, that I would be invited in. I was wrong. She wants me to come and watch and not be involved in the preparations at all. Her friends her age are in the wedding, as it should be. No problems there at all. She has another friend a bit older than me who is doing the table favors and setting up the reception hall. That hurts. My sister got to help with the bridal shower. I was invited to attend. Then my sister was going to skip the bachelorette gig because she can't drive at night and the bride asked me to bring her down with me, which I was going to do anyway just so that sis wouldn't try to horn in on the later night festivities. She's getting a bit prudish. So apparently I'm good for a chauffeur, too.
So again, I am shut out. I don't understand why it happens as it usually ends up with the other person regretting it. "Oh, I should of asked you to be there. I'm so sorry I didn't." is what I usually get to hear. Do they mean it? Or do actions speak louder?
So, this morning, I realized my self-destructive streak has kicked in. I need to go somewhere with music and booze and get hit on by a not-trashy guy. Prospects for men at work are hopeless. I was talking to our Xerox rep today. A very classy woman a bit older than me who lives in Indy and lived in D.C. for a year. Cosmopolitan, well dressed, intelligent, good looking. She can't find a man, either, and she's actually trolled the dating sites and lives in a city.
So here I sit in my back yard in a breeze that's cooling off feeling sorry for myself. No prospects for trouble, not even my newly divorced neighbor because he already has a new girlfriend. She hasn't moved in yet so he's still friendly. We'll see if he cools off. He did when the wife was there.
I have to get over myself about this wedding before 2:45 p.m. Saturday. That's when I have to be at the church for the family pictures. Yes, I get to participate in those.
I know- It's her wedding. She gets to choose. But why didn't she choose me?
Time to stuff it all back inside now. And I really wish the bugs would quit landing on my legs. The little shits tickle.