I live in a world of "Why." It's a fun place, Why. Lots to learn, lots to explore, lots of questions to ask all starting with the word, Why. I love Why.
This may surprise you, but the majority of mankind doesn't like Why. Why, you ask? I don't know, I reply. Everyone visits the land of Why. In fact, you just did. Caught ya there, didn't I.
I have ever been a hypervigilant person. I am an excellent observer and I am pretty good at drawing conclusions based on observed behavior. At a guess, I'd say it started as a survival instinct in childhood, and became a honed skill after the rape. But, not all observed behavior is easy to draw conclusions from. People lie through words and actions. Why, you ask? I don't know, I reply.
So, what do you do when you are surrounded by words and actions that don't fit your conclusions? Personally, I start asking why. Why does this person behave the way they do. What is their goal? What do they hope to achieve? And why do they feel their current behavior is the best way to attain said goal?
Surprisingly enough, these questions annoy people. Why, you ask? I don't know, I reply. At a guess, it is because they know that they would not appreciate their behavior being played out by someone else directed at them. But that is a theory. I do know that when I get through to them that I am not a threat, that I am not trying to change anything, that I just want to know how things work so that I can make it through the day, their behavior changes and fits with the conclusions that I am able to conclude. By then, of course, my trust in them has been damaged so that I no longer care for their good will; I just want them to stop their bad will being directed at me.
So my quandry arises when people assume that my questions are actually complaints. I guess they could sound as such, but the eternal question is why. Why is this, this way? A simple explanation to illuminate the logic behind the situation is requested. Part of the hypervigilance. Blind faith is not a strong point in my life. Been there, done that, didn't get a t-shirt. Previously in my adult life I did rail against the fates that put me into these unfair situations. Eventually, I figured out that the world has a back story and the best way to navigate it was to find out what that story was. Unfortunately, I didn't get, or perhaps I lost, the secret password so I am at the mercy of asking the eternal question, Why. Why, you ask? I don't know, I reply.
Luckily, I have found a few souls over the years who saw my eternal Why-ness as a quest for understanding and were willing to indulge my need for knowledge. As I came to recognize these individuals, I began to see them in previously unexpected places. There are several in my life now, but not the people you would expect. My boss is one. My niece is not one. Which prompted this post. To end the conversation, I had to agree that she was right. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
It was easeir than trying to ask, why do you assume I am complaining when all I am do is trying to figure out why.