It shouldn't matter but humans are social creatures and we need somewhere to belong. I'm feeling a bit lost myself.

It helps when someone else can identify.

Wow, are we not all a bit lost here? We hang here for the community of kindred spirits, devoid of race, sex, age and other abstractions that our culture likes to etch on walls of caves, even written on pages for the eyes of others ... the warmer media.
Patrick, you definitely speak for me, one who has felt quite as you do. But here we are, sharing and communicating as though this were the fifties somewhere ... people would sit out on summer nights, talking on their porches, the heat of the sidewalks right under sweaty necks, just being there with the people like yourself.
Very strong post. Thank you for sharing what many experience in each breath of their day.

Ah, Patrick, you know we must avoid words like "shouldn't"
and the feelings that are associated with them.
Everything "matters"...it is how we incorporate
it into our personal universe, our story,
that is the challenge.
It's natural to feel these emotions of anger, shame, betrayal...
it is unnatural to cling to them.
I wish I could take my own advice better.

Very human feelings...it does matter to be included and seen and respected, especially within our families. Thanks for sharing this, Patrick!

It does matter, because we all need to feel that we have value. But first we must feel that way about ourselves. When we do...it shows.

Most of my family members do not read my stories. They aren't interested. Other writers, friends and neighbors are interested. That is because we are kindred spirits and not just kin. ( re: inthisdeepcalm)

You have a lot of talent and your nonfiction is excellent. I haven't heard your music, but suspect is also very good. Your family may not appreciate you..but that doesn't mean you don't have value to others.

It is strange that we often find more empathy from strangers rather than family. And there is a reason. It is harsh but true. Strangers have no investment in us. They can walk away. Family has ties and connections.

I am sorry that you are having a down time right now.

Perhaps you remember this, but it comes from a story I wrote about survival. It is a little trick. Talk to yourself in the mirror. (privately of course :).... Convince yourself that you are strong so that others will see you that way. Say and repeat: "I'm so rough and tough I scare myself"...
Say it until you believe it. How we are perceived is how we are received. I know it is harder done than said.

Hope there is sunshine soon.

No should have to take any of that
Well done Patrick
~R~