Breaking the Silence

Figuring It Out One Day At a Time

Pamela Tsigdinos

Pamela Tsigdinos
Bay Area, California,
June 12
I'm left-handed, six feet tall, and I like broccoli but not cauliflower. I'm Michigander by birth, Californian by choice. Oh, yeah, and I'm infertile. There. I said it. Now you'll understand how living in an era of designer babies and helicopter parents served up loads of material for my book, Silent Sorority ( When I'm not working with startups in Silicon Valley, I am exploring ideas and write about some of society's norms. At the keyboard is where I am most relaxed. So join me here as I try to be less type A and maybe figure a few things out....

JULY 9, 2011 1:47PM

What Betty Ford Taught Me

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"It was like going to a party you're terrified of, and finding out to your amazement that you're having a good time."

That's how Betty Ford, who passed away today at 93, described her life in the White House during one of the most turbulent times in U.S. history. I was only 10 years old when she became First Lady. I didn't fully appreciate, until I was older, how much she influenced my life. She didn't shy away from her struggles, she talked openly about them.

As I read some of the coverage about her life this morning I realized we shared a few things in common: both of us were born in Michigan; both had dreams of lives that didn't quite turn out the way we hoped; both of us talked openly about taboo topics (breast cancer and infertility, respectively).

She shocked many with her candor, but she also didn't pretend to be something she was not.  She championed women's rights and encouraged others to overcome their personal demons. Her life story is teaching me one more thing -- the lesson of authenticity.

As I alluded to in a previous post it's not easy to be different, to not conform to what society expects us to be. My, how things have changed since Betty Ford was my age. Where she once had to stand up for the under-appreciated role of motherhood, we now live in a world where MOM has become the go-to descriptor or modifier.

This now prevalent turn of phrase seemed to take hold with "Soccer mom" and has since become the defacto primary way to describe or even define women (where applicable). Just look the ABC News website: "Atlanta mom," "Tot Mom," "Botox Mom," "Tiger Mom."

It's enough to drive a woman to ... well, fortunately, Betty Ford also taught us how to overcome that tendency, too.

The pendulum continues to swing, so I trust by the time I'm 93 we'll once again celebrate and describe women for the multitude of roles or interests they possess, and not just the one that's in vogue today.

Meanwhile, having been socialized to assume that my life will not be fulfilling or valued in a world where I'm not a mom, like Betty, it's with some amazement that I find I'm having a really good time.


Pamela Tsigdinos is author of the award-winning book, Silent Sorority

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