When you find what you were never searching for...

Outside Myself

Outside Myself
Location
West Coast Body, East Coast Heart, California,
Birthday
January 19
Title
Mom/Provider
Company
Don't even have to knock...come on in.
Bio
I am now 45 and perfectly OK with that. I've been a mom for over 12 years now. I live a rather simple yet difficult life of trying to make sure my daughters are polite, well-educated and know they are loved beyond question. I do my best to give my family whatever they need. And I'm trying to take care of myself. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am infinitely trying to make people happy, make people laugh, make people feel good about themselves. I compliment often, but only with sincerity. I spend way too much time thinking about what might be the "right" thing to do in any given situation. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx This is a personal journey for me. I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible. AND AN UPDATE: Don't forget your worth. This speaks to everyone, not just me. xoxoxo ~~~~ And thx, B. My heart was beginning to thaw but your beautiful friendship has melted it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx FURTHER UPDATE: - B, darling, you have brought me love and peace. You sent the words, "Be gentle with yourself." I am able to do so only because you have been gentle with my heart. I love you, soul mate.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx And now, it's been 18 months... So incredible to recall where I was and where your love has taken me...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx And now, two years have passed since those first simple PMs...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxAnd now, three...

MY RECENT POSTS

Holidays are quite a big deal in our house.  I've been Santa, The Easter Bunny, The Valentine, whatever the entity is that leaves candy in the shoes outside around Christmastime (I can never remember who that is but my girls never forget!), and a host of other colorful characters.  And, on… Read full post »

I've spent some time thinking about Torman's Open Call and thought I would answer that question when I came up to my one year blogiversary, which I will.

However, it dawns on me that there is a greater question at work in my own heart and that is "Why DON'T I… Read full post »

Did you know that I was the youngest out of six girls?

Yeah, OK, I know you knew that.  Just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't a bad kid.  I had reeeeeasons for my actions (or so I tell myself).  (Denial is a lovely tool.)

My older sisters had… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 10, 2010 2:16PM

NotUsingMyRealName Asparagus Recipe~Can U Spell "CRESPELLE"?

asparagus  

 

In response to the Salon Kitchen Challenge, in which we are required to use our real names, I must forego participating officially, but love this recipe SO MUCH I just HAD to share... 

CRESPELLE WITH ASPARAGUS AND PORCINI MUSHROOMS 

The BONUS here is t… Read full post »

 

 

Hello, my dear, dear friends on OS.

I can't start out by saying anything other than a deeply felt thank you.

I have been gone from OS for what seems like months although in reality it's only been 17 days.  Wow, how does it feel like it's been a… Read full post »

 

Dearest Barry, 

I will never find the right words to convey what you mean to me...how you have changed my entire life and indeed saved it.  My heart was in despair and my life was lived inRead full post »

 
 
 
Dearest David and Mel, our hearts are with you... 

With love,
Barry and Angela 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
FEBRUARY 9, 2010 12:34PM

12:34

As I've mentioned recently, I used to sing in a quartet.  

Four women.  Acapella.

 

We did not live close to each other geographically, but we were close friends which made the experience a most enriching one.

 

We were: 

I have been off of OS for a few days as I have taken my girls to the snow.

I was cruising OS just briefly last night and just as one of my daughters passed by, I read that Safe_Bet had passed away and I gasped. She asked what was wrong… Read full post »

Comments are now closed for this post.

For about four years I sang in a women's quartet and we were very fortunate to perform in various shows, at various venues and in concert with many holidays.

Christmas performances were always magical. The audience seemed to have a special light about them as they smiled at us, singing in… Read full post »

JANUARY 27, 2010 3:30PM

I wish for you...

girls Faith (l) and Grace (r), back when they were 4 & 5

Visiting a local historical home on Grace's birthday 

 

 I WISH

 

 Every "wishberry" - each dandelion -

you grasp excitedly in front of your lips.

Your eyes gleaming.

You close your eyes

concentrating.

You bl… Read full post »

This song is dedicated to anyone who wonders if there is someone reading their posts.  Sometimes you may feel you are writing alone, but believe me, there is someone here for you. 

 

We're here for you!

And we're worth writing for!

 Read full post »

broken heart 

 

Each Valentine's Day

I remember you.

 

Each Valentine's Day

I remember

the pain.

 

You caused.

 

And now

after all these years...

 

. . . David . . .  

 

I imagine you can't know

the damage you've done...

lasting.

 

You changed my life.… Read full post »

JANUARY 16, 2010 5:35PM

Rain - A Poem of Love

beautiful rain 

The rain does not fall.

It is as if the earth pulls it from the gray. 

Calling for it, begging for its nourishment.

 

It inhales as the rain places itself upon its lines.

The sound, the feel...

It is seductive.

 

There is life which awakens.

Deeply hidden.  … Read full post »

I coach one of my daughters' basketball and volleyball teams at their K-8 parochial school.  Every couple of weeks, a few of my players must miss practice after school because they have detention.  

As they tell me this, I always just put up my hand and say, "You don't have… Read full post »

 

 Q:  What vegetable do plumbers like? 

A:  Leeks!

 

(Wow, that was stupid.) 

 

(* BTW, leeks are different from green onions/scallions.  They are about 5x larger and the stalks are very tough.)

 

Since my cookbook addiction post, I've thought a… Read full post »

JANUARY 11, 2010 4:19PM

"WE LIVE"

I wasn't planning to post today, but as happens to me so very often, I see that others need healing and a positive message, and I want to help however I can.

So to those who are hurting, to those who have struggled with a career, or with parents who are ill,… Read full post »

So...

It seems bendan bendan is a voracious reader.

It seems bendan bendan has taken one of those speed reading classes.

(As an aside, if you'd like to make your friends and family laugh, hold your palm outward as you quickly drive by a palm reader and say out loud,… Read full post »

JANUARY 5, 2010 8:46AM

Admitting an Addiction is Humiliating

It's no accident that I chose to write under a pseudonym.  I knew, going into it, that there would be things that I wanted to write about that I hoped to heaven no one who knew me could ever find.  Ever.

I know most of you know me as a nice… Read full post »

Open Salon ~ July 3, 2009.

A simple message sent with innocence.

A simple reply sent with innocence.

 

Real Life ~ January 3, 2010.

Two hearts that are no longer lonely.

Two souls that were moving towards each other for 42 years.

 

 heart words

 

I want to reside in… Read full post »

OK, it can't just be me.

Sometimes, I hum your name as I wander through the kitchen.

Sometimes, I repeat your name over and over in my head until I'm annoyed (but in a nice way ;). 

Sometimes, I wonder what on earth led you to your name.

Sometimes, I want… Read full post »

OK, here are some songs that make me want to dance!!!!!  I know, they are not your favorites...but ONE might be.  As I say in the comments, I have very eclectic musical tastes, from Primus to Sinatra, to Contemporary Christian, to kids' music, to instrumentals like the harp...don't try to f… Read full post »

To bring some holiday cheer, I wrote this little song and once again, just recorded it with the built-in mic on my iMac (I'm not even sure where it is, I just sing towards the screen! :)

 

He did the illustrations yesterday so I could make this into a YouTube video… Read full post »

 

"This is the UN-scenic route?  Wow, you ARE spoiled!"

Everywhere I looked, there were an infinite number of trees, in postcard colors.  They don't make trees like this in California...not like this.  So sure, we were on a freeway, but I couldn't swallow that this wasn't conside

Read full post »
DECEMBER 16, 2009 8:43AM

Now

lonely 

Life.

It may not hold a place for us.

What if, in the last breath, we are separated? 

Now.

Now is not within our grasp.

But I fear tomorrow.

A tomorrow without you.

What if there is no tomorrow?

And today cannot begin until then?

 

 

 

 

 … Read full post »