If the GOP really wanted to ally itself with women's interests- and, let's be honest, their husband's- they'd forget all this birth control shenanigans and focus on ending menopause. You heard me right. Guaranteed slam dunk in the election.
Menopause is that "middle period" of life for women. Some say it lasts for a year or two, but women in the know will tell you it lasts for 5, 10, sometimes 15 years. The slow agony of decline that not only has the power to take down any reasonable woman, but slay those all around her. Women's troubles are not over when they stop popping out eggs every month. NOOOOOOO. That would be too easy. Was this also god's plan?
It starts with that unrelenting feeling of unease, maybe around the mid 30s, when suddenly everything that annoyed you all day follows you to bed and keeps you from going to sleep. Click click click, like a reel tape, playing back what you didn't do. This signals the slow decline of progesterone, as the eggs don't always make it into orbit, and stop sending their precious mind soothing hormone. PMS gets PMSSier. Wine looks like an appropriate alternative to prozac. Chocolate is the cure.
But, we get used to this, just as we get used to the slow but certain spread of thickness in the middle. Not too much at first, but it only takes one Disney Cruise vacation to pack on 15 pounds. There is photographic evidence, which must then be destroyed. How can a family have family values on display when mom won't get in the picture, and dresses like a depressed teenager in an oversize T?
Still, we relent and move forward, fighting as best we can, watching what we eat even though we have lost most hormonal capacity to burn fat. Our fat storing hormones are in the permanent on switch because we have lost a signal from the sex central. I'd like to want to have sex. My libido went out with "the Rachel". Hair, now much thinner and stragglier, can no longer be manipulated to poof a suggestion of curvy backside onto someone's mind. It gets lopped, as it would be just another thankless chore to maintain.
A late game spurt of activity calls the fighting ovaries back into the ring. A zing of estradiol hits our brain and makes us red hot mad. Waves of uncontrollable heat surge through our bodies, we would take down everything around us if only we could move without dripping everywhere. The bathroom calls, to towel off and check for sweat stains. A woman resembling our mother stares back at us from the mirror, smirking. Did you really think you'd stay young and beautiful forever?
We look out at the sea of options before us. Work is crushing us with longer hours and more responsibility. Children are crushing us with more demands and no reciprocity. Our parents are leaning on us to help them maintain their lifestyles. Our husbands, if we still have them, have drifted into two camps. They are either begging us to see the doctor "about those hormones of yours" or they are experiencing andropause- the middle period when men grow hips and boobs and start to look like women. Unrelenting pressure from all sides slowly forces in and makes us into diamonds. Crystal clear and hard as a rock.
Why is this not top priority? Nothing screams louder than an angry, menopausal woman. She can't sleep anyway, why not organize this mega force into backing the cause with all they already manage? These women are already taking care of the nation's elderly, the middle aged, and their grown children who have moved back in after college, or who have had a child or two they can't pay for. What's one more job?
Declare the war on Menopause, and win the election!! Whose in?