Oryoki's House

Where's the Mojitos? I have the guac!

Oryoki Bowl

Oryoki Bowl
February 03
Quaker buddhist, kinda quirky, loves cooking and knitting and movies. Dr Who fan, Scandinavian-aquarian and cat lover. Would love to be paid to travel around the world and write about local healing cultures. While eating and drinking and dancing. One day I will have a health cruise in the fjords.


APRIL 12, 2012 5:49PM

Who makes me feel like a natural woman?

Rate: 23 Flag

Oh, finally the truth is out!  Everyone is waging a war on women: the GOP, Obama, Congress, Susan G Komen, Planned Parenthood, the Catholic Church, the Mormon Church, other churches, Warren Jeffs, Hollywood, Tucker Max, the media, Islam.... everyone but Oprah and your mother.  

Personally, I don't care if Mrs. Romney has ever worked a day in her life.  Since she doesn't need to, it's a good thing she hasn't taken a high paying position out of the hands of another woman who may need to, and obviously she doesn't want to or she would.  She speaks from a rare place of privilege and choice, and that is also her business.  Unfortunately, she doesn't understand that she is no longer the role model she grew up to be.  Everything she dreamed as a girl that she has achieved to be a high status, successful wife and mother is no longer impressive to everyone.  We have watched Downton Abbey in fascination because it is so anachronistic with respect to gender and social structure.  Perhaps because we can see that money should not equal the power that is always has and always will.  Perhaps because we know that aspiring to be her (or women like her) is either irrelevant or impossible for most other women in the US.  I don't diss on her achievements- but they are not mine. 

 I am an educated woman, self paid and self made.  I have no husband to support me, no children to devote myself to, and no one else's spotlight to hold for them.  I also work, pay taxes, and expect equal and fair treatment at every turn.  Not because I am a woman, but because I am a person.   I have shirked the historical definition of what a woman should be in favor of the personal definition of the woman I want to be.  How hard is that to figure out, fellas?  I don't define myself by my relationships to men or my reproductive status.  

In my world, marriage is still a good idea and people like a good match.  There's a catch, though.  If there are no children, or sufficient financial incentive to do it, it is also not a requirement for social or professional success.  I am not trying to join the Women's League or the PTA.  I have known many women who are bright, educated, and professional until marriage and children pull them out of the game.  It is a difficult place to be, with many obligations in turn.  Half of them were forced to step up and get back in the game when economics made it impossible to stay at home.

Adaptability, flexibility, and communication make this work.  Not strict gender roles and authoritarian relationship models.  Of course, those are making a comeback these days as more and more couples seek out alternative lifestyle choices to make their marriages work.  Like reenacting traditional and biblical mandates for male dominance and female submission.  Even when the woman is the breadwinner. Thankfully, Mrs Romney hasn't been forced back into the job market.  What a kerfuffle would that be? 

Who makes me feel like a natural woman?  I do.  I can compare and I can self negate, I can be bitter or I can choose denial, and I work hard every day to NOT follow the status quo when it comes to self respect.  I don't think I need to look or act like a pornstar to have a satisfying sex life, and I don't think I need to look or act like June Cleaver to have a valid relationship and good family life.  I dress for myself, and I like to look nice.  It makes people respond well to me, but I don't spend much time wondering what they think about it.  It's par for the course in the professional world.  I look at good, solid marriages around me and hardly any of them involve the Traditional American Marriage - even if outward appearance implies it.  Each and every one has had a relationship tested by problems that were handled not by the wife's appearance- but by her fortitude, confidence, and respect from her husband.  

I imagine any of them would prefer to be a Michelle Obama to an Ann Romney.   Me, I don't want to be anyone but myself.  Is that so bad? 

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
Great post. I agree. I want to be known not by my gender, but by who I am.
I second that! Or third!
I hear a strong woman writing. Bravo!
You are an inspiration to anyone who is questioning the road they should take, and to clarify I'm not talking about myself here. If I knew any young women who were questioning their choices I would send them to read this so they understood that they are free to choose the life they want. Heck, I'm going to forward it to the people who research women's issues in my department. Very inspirational.
Straight up... no argument and for the life of me I can't understand why the media is wasting so much ink and time on the spin, from either side. The votes by state legislators and folks in congress make the situation pretty clear about who's doing what to whom.
What a wonderful post. You have said what many are thinking. All that matters is that we, as people, have the choice to do what we want to do.
What Myriad said. Well said.
You’re a Dr. Oryoki your never going to end up barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. But Mrs. Mittens…
We're happiest when we're true to ourselves. I'll never regret being a stay at home Mother who raised six children and home schooled them as well. Did I have other dreams and aspirations? You bet I did and still do. Some of I've let go of, but most I have and am pursuing. I'll always be pursuing until the day I die. That's what makes life fun, exciting, and rewarding.
I like this piece so much Bowl.
I am going to send a link to my daughter so she can read it.
She recently told me she has no interest in either marrying or having children..... I told her it was her life and her body to do with as she sees fit...Each true to ourselves....
I admire you..
Remember to stand in front of the mirror and click your heals together three times and kiss yourself with kindness and respect and before you know it, i will have won the lottery and we shall al be going to Ephesus...but you got to post there too to win.
Uhmhmm and it's like this abt the best men, as well.

content-of-character that stuff

This was marvelous. In the end, men may come and children may go, but we go on forever.

That said, I worked all my life as a successful and I think beloved schoolteacher and raised three beautiful children-- bought my own house. No man ever helped me--not even my father. I never received child support when I divorced my two husbands who were only too happy to kick back while I worked my ass off. I know I should feel proud but instead I am bitter about being forced into the workplace by society and feel hardened by the forty year experience. I never asked to be "liberated." Working turned me into an indentured slave. I purport that the failed women's movement liberated men.
I didn't start premed until my early thirties, after realizing that as I needed a career that could support me past retirement age (and didn't need me to rely on physical labor, writing was on the wall there). During that time, being a serious relationship, then trying to date afterwards, I found that it was very difficult to find men that didn't think I should stay home at raise the kids. I wanted some level of bipartisanship there. I have always respected the right for women to be able to stay at home, but that doesn't make those women happy. My own mother gave up her career for life in America with my father, and ended up a broken alcoholic with few coping skills and no rights, and no money or property or skills for sustainable work when their "traditional" arrangement no longer worked. Both my mother and my father drummed it into me to never rely on a man to provide what you may have to provide for yourself. As I didn't have that attitude of dependence growing up, it may have just weeded me out of the pool of acceptable wife material.
Still, we see an economy of many small business entrepreneurs who are women needing to make ends meet for themselves and their families. Not the slick hustle of big gamble earnings, but small and solid, day to day piecemealing that gets so many by. For every single father who is "stuck" with his kid, there are a dozen single mother who is "raising up her own" with the help of whatever it takes to get by. I made a choice early in life to never be in that position, instead of being open to whatever showed up.
Miguela- I agree, it is a form of indentured servitude. One can have a deadbeat dad whether or not he is still around. Even without children, I have never known the luxury of someone else paying my way (other than some family help with housing here and there). I feel indentured to my student loans, which I can never get rid of.
Thanks for pointing out these issues that many have not seen in light of this latest fracas in the war on women/the Mommy wars.
Amen, O. Me too. I just want to be me. Of all the people I know, I love me the most. :)
Daummmm, lady! This kind of talk is MUCH better than that porn star any day!

I say, to hell with Romney and Obama and get your ass to the Whitehouse; perhaps then we'll get something done for a change.