In what seems to be a mindboggling flurry of activity, the GOP members of congress have decided to spend their election year in office focusing on issues that have nothing to do with the economy and everything to do with creating oppressive government. Somehow, through the sum total of the various legal restrictions placed entirely on the reproductive organs of women, their agenda can only lead to one outcome: lesbianism for all women, and perhaps some men too.
You see, despite their proclamations that they want the government out of the business of telling you how to live, they want the government in the business of letting them tell you how to live. Very fine line. After removing all the possible choices a modern, mildly intelligent woman might want to make with regard to personal freedom and responsibility, there is only one way to satisfy their demands. No more heterosexual sex.
It might be interpreted that this is only a stop-gap measure, until these women find themselves a husband and can start their true purpose in life- which is making more future lesbians and angry young men. I have often wondered how it is they could be simultaneously against homosexuality and yet demand that anyone not married not have sex that could lead to pregnancy.
We know they have been working overtime to keep as many young men out of the marketplace as possible, making them ineligible for marriage, or relationships with nice girls. Boys and girls are figuring out that sex isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and the medications are helping them choose an asexual lifestyle. Unfortunately, those who don't have the healthcare to provide the medications somehow slip through the horny slut cracks, and end up needing an outlet for their outrageously human sex drives. With almost no eligible men to pay for their lifestyle choices, young women are going to be forced to only spread their legs for other young ladies. Because sodomy is still illegal.
Social anthropologists have noted the disturbing trend of married Christians who remain virgins after marrying, because of a lifetime of fear of sex ingrained into them. Pastors around the country have taken to the pulpits, demanding sex from their flocks in the pews, while simultaneously preaching the sins of sexual desire and impulse. They now have separate services for married and unmarried.
Sapphists agree that prolonged exposure to relentless pleasure with no chance of disease or accidental pregnancy tends to keep women out of the dating pool, if by dating, you mean marriage to eligible men who also happen to like sex with women.
How will they keep casting for shows like The Bachelor, when women lose all motivation for sexual reproduction? Are we becoming a nation of herbivore men? Can lesbians really be sluts, if they aren't having sex with men?