Oryoki's House

Where's the Mojitos? I have the guac!

Oryoki Bowl

Oryoki Bowl
February 03
Quaker buddhist, kinda quirky, loves cooking and knitting and movies. Dr Who fan, Scandinavian-aquarian and cat lover. Would love to be paid to travel around the world and write about local healing cultures. While eating and drinking and dancing. One day I will have a health cruise in the fjords.


DECEMBER 14, 2011 12:25PM

The Hedon's Guide to 2012 Resolutions (open call)

Rate: 17 Flag

Believe it or not, I make my living giving people advice on how to live a better life.  More specifically, I help them identify the areas in which they can improve their health- mental and physical- which will, in turn, give them a chance to live a life more suited to their interests.  Working with people, as we sort out what's wrong, what's right, what needs to change, and how to get there, is the crux of it.  Success requires diligence, patience and compliance.  Sigh, finding out what motivates people is the real journey.  Turns out, being "healthy, happy, and sane" is just another trope in the health practitioner's handbook.  Everybody wants it, nobody wants to work for it.  

So, I have decided on a different approach this year.  I will need some input, as I know I have not lived far enough out on all the edges to explore all the ways in which self indulgence may actually be the answer to everything.  So much of the modern attitude towards "success" is work hard, wait longer, abstain from everything, relish little, as you still need to keep walking through the storm.  

I have compiled a short list of resolutions, and their natural, hedonistic opposite.  With a careful examination, perhaps our reluctance to dance in the fountain of pleasure is the real problem.  Please, feel free to expand and expound, to grow the list, and help fertilize it with your dearly acquired wisdom.  

Why go through the effort to live a longer life if it's just going to be full of more and more suffering?   

1) Lose weight!  Yes, you need to lose weight, because the Earth is spinning slower on its axis because you weigh too damn much!  

Hedon:  I have more surface area in which to feel the pleasure of fingers massaging my skin.  I will take more baths, swim more often, luxuriate in larger swaths of fine satin, 1000 count cotton, and Snuggies.   There is not only more of me to love, there is more of me to laugh with, and more of me to enjoy all of your culinary efforts.  Bring it on,  I would rather die eating than live in hunger!

2) Exercise more!  Yes, you need to exercise more, because there is not enough CO2 in the atmosphere, it is mostly trapped in your fat.  Exercise makes you live longer, if you don't acquire a crippling knee injury first.

Hedon: if it hurts, it is bad for me.  The point of enjoying this luxurious body of mine is pleasure, not pain, so I only stand to gain by limiting my movements to things that bring me absolute pleasure.  Why climb a mountain, when I can get a much better view of it watching PBS specials?  Why run a race, when some foreigner is going to win it, again?  No pain, no pain.  Keeps me off the meds.

3) Lose my temper less!  Yes, you need to pipe down, your anger and attitude are hurting the relationships around you, and the stress is driving up your blood pressure.  You are stroke material!

Hedon: lose my temper more!  It makes me uncomfortable, and carrying it around everywhere I do, I need to unburden myself frequently and often.  If everybody did this, nobody would mind it so much.  It makes no sense to keep it together if it is all one, big, together lie!  I am truthful and I feel much, much better when I just get it all out!

4) I need to detox!  Yes, you totally needed to squeeze the sponge, rinse the liver and flush the old bowels.  Chances are you are saturated with hundreds of chemicals that cause cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and neurotoxicity.  Even if you think you eat well, you don't live in paradise.

Hedon: fuhgettaboutit.  I'm not going to drink that shit.

5) I need to have better sex!  Yes, a healthy sex life is part of a healthy life, like sleep, exercise and food.  Taking care of those three things can improve your sex life, which is part of a happier approach to aging healthfully!

Hedon: you don't need to tell me that, duh?  

6) I should give more to those less fortunate around me!  Yes, participating in a charity or volunteer situation reaps emotional and social rewards that go beyond the mere capacity to serve in a job.  A meaningful life has purpose, continuity and kinship, all of which are better supported through generosity and kindness.

Hedon: I should give more to me.  Come to think of it, I will revisit my tax accountant and see if I can get reimbursed for the time I spend trying to improve myself, can that not be counted as a capital loss?  If I don't get fit, are my gym receipts deductible or just a write off?   Hmmm, I could use that cash and go to Rome, they know how to party there!

Alright, folkaccinos, give me your best advice for hedons.  I think that 2012 needs to be a remarkable year.  No need to improve your already terrific self, just run with what you've got and make sure you enjoy the trip! 

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
So: In the Spirit of this spot on True Post, let me say that readers may make themselves feel very good by sending expensive, tasteful gift cards to ME. While you're at it, you may make your non-tax deductible donstion to the JW Pool Upkeep and New Jeep Fund.
God (and The Gaia_ will Thank and Bless you.

First! My bedt hedonistic advice? If it smells good eat it. R
JW- I can't see how that would make me feel better at all. I may be delusional, but I am not an idiot. I know I would much rather receive expensive gift cards than to give them.

Trudge- perhaps you could expand a little on what you think smells good? Are you referring only to food items, or are you talking everything that smells good, like J Lo?
My advice to Hedon: Don't go to fake doctors!
Resolution- Pick a bedtime and a time to get up and stay on this schedule. It will help you to sleep more efficiently, to rest better, and to have more energy.

Hedon- why do you think I have 1000 count cotton sheets? It's so I can sleep all I want, whenever I want. Go to bed early and miss a party? I don't think so. And who needs to see a sunrise? The sun always rises whether I am there or not.
"I know I have not lived far enough out on all the edges to explore all the ways in which self indulgence may actually be the answer to everything"

Do you want to?
Ori I do wish you'd get into the Spirit of this... ... ...
Phyllis- exactly! And I would like to see a blog on your personal experience of just going for broke on that one.

Jack- there are too many edges to visit, so I will just be happy to defer to professional trekkers for some of them.
JW- I will PM you my address, and you can show me exactly how giving expensive gift cards works, so I may feel what it is like to benefit from your generosity.
Oryoki, you really don't know how "hard" it was for me to resist not going there. But since you brought it "up", yes that too. Not so much J-Lo, but more like ???
Trudge- you know what this means, don't you? Now you will have to blog a list of all the hedonism inducing smells you encounter in your life, and the ways in which you plan to eat them. Me, I found that when taking a deep whiff of some wine brought it into my sinus passages, I did not, actually, want to drink that wine anymore. But, I hear cocaine smells really good.
Ory, it would take too many pages...
Resolution: Get organized! You need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place. You will be more productive, and stop wasting countless hours searching for things. Your bare, gleaming surfaces and impeccably labeled files will simplify life and impress people.

Hedon: Surely you jest! One hour spent cleaning/organizing is the hedon's equivalent of 3 hours duct-taped to a metal chair in an empty, chemical smelling cargo-container being subjected to endless high volume techno remixes of Barry Manilow's Christmas hits.
If I really want to find something, I know damn well which general pile it's in. And on the odd occasion that I do decide to finally empty that unlabeled box of stuff, sitting in the back of my closet since the late 1980's, I know that beneath three old Cosmo magazines, the velcro curlers I used just once and a half empty bottle of hand lotion, I'm very likely to trip over something that will make me stop, smile and revel in memory of some long-forgotten moment. I'm not a scrap-booker, so I would never have come across the valentine card my then 4 yr old son made for me, saying "I love you, sweaty", if I didn't go digging for something else every now and then.
Just thinking about organizing has worn me out, I'm going to toss a few things (including the dog) off the couch, and settle in for a nap!
Rated with a smile.
P.S. I made the mistake of being honest with my young son when he asked if he spelled everything on the valentine card correctly - he was VERY mad that I loved it just the way it was and would not let him re-write "sweaty" as sweetie. ;-)
I have never made a NY's resolution, because I love challenges and I'm an excellent rationalizer. It would become a game breaking them. Plus, I'm too smart for reverse psychology to work. Will somebody please help me??
Make friends with all my enemies. No matter how badly they have mistreated me over the years, I will take them in my arms and embrace them with brotherly love!

Hedon: Enemies are dead weight! And if they are not dead, then now is no time to wait for it to happen on its own. I will wrap my arms around their screwy little necks and smoother them with my own two hands.
Baltimore- good list of things to be thoughtful of.

Barb- that's the spirit! Every time I clean to much, I hurt my back. This makes exercise impossible. Therefore, I need to stop cleaning for my health!

Matt- I think you may be the original hedon- no need for a makeover.

Outonalimb- it sounds like you are responding to the HEATHEN's resolution list. Still, it's a good start to get rid of things that are of no use to you.
Resolution: drink less alcohol

Hedon: drink more alcohol! The pomegranates that flavor vodka are locally grown, I have to do it for the economy! Furthermore, people just bug the heck out of me if I don't have a nice mellow buzz. Every vintage of wine tastes different as it ages, and the new wines and beers coming out need someone to taste them and recommend them to friends. My life is stressful, I need this for me!
Keri- that is a very thoughtful, eco(logical? nomical? tistic?) hedon resolution! Others could learn from you, multi purposing your resolution to help you help everyone! Five stars! Here in AZ, we not only have local pomegranates, we support the desert ecology by drinking prickly pear margaritas- allowing cacti and agave plants to thrive where they might have otherwise died out.
I've been a pleasure seeker since I can remember and
this blog is priceless... as are a lot of the comments too
Dr. Bowl.
Tr ig ig ig ig ig- I was really hoping that the Master Hedon himself would visit, and you have, Please throw some of your pearls of wisdom before us here- we are not swine, just ambitious learners.
I'll lay some pure HEDONysteria on you later bowl... bizzy now!
Tr ig- speaking of priceless, the video from that alone could be invaluable, as well. Hedonysteria it is!
Wheeeeeee... off to make some PHAT ASSS ho-made pizza (crabclaw and scallop etc. w white sauce that I made and it's good). Made by two ho... her-ho an' me-ho. Hi-Ho hi-ho it's off to pleasure we go... who got the bo'?
hedon is rather hedonistic.
here's yer best advice:

"healthy sex life is part of a healthy life,
like sleep, exercise and food.
Taking care of those three things can improve your sex life,
which is part of a happier approach to aging healthfully!

i dunno why we worry about aging when we are eternal souls

but some do. and need a good orgasm to
get some brain chemicals going.

exercise they say is good . i agree.makes you
take charge of yer body. feel it pleasantly, firm and healthy.
eating is necessary i guess.
to get raw materials for more fun.
sleep is the best.

Hedon: you don't need to tell me that, duh?
duh yeah i do
put it on yer office wall:
this saying:
"our reluctance to dance in the fountain of pleasure is the real problem. Please, feel free to expand and expound"
been thinking about this all evening as this
is one of those entries that makes me think

as long as we are mating, the more the better--
the longer we live... happily no less
because, nature figures that if there is any chance
of us reproducing then it will fight back
the free radical oxidators
that wait patiently to eat us alive
what I'm saying
I think
'is we must
or should
have sex a lot
Tr ig- that is a beautiful reply. We are having an OS meetup this Saturday in Phoenix, if you show up, I will buy you a beer and kiss you under the mistletoe.
Don't procastinate what you can do now.

Hedon: Hmmm, let me think about your Open Call.

Love this post, by the way.
Resolution: Lose weight, clean your home, Get a better paying job, finish that novel

Hedonist: I've given up having potatoes, rice or pasta with dinner and I eat maybe half as much bread as I used to! And it's paying off. But Chocolate is non-negotiable, dearie.
2. I've learned to embrace my inner slob--it gives me so much more time to do art work.
3.There's a recession on, remember?
4. And if I'm supposed to finish my book, you know how a full time job would really bollix that up, right? I'd never have time to write and I'd be too exhausted and crabby to care.

So Nyah nyah nyah!

Fusun- I will be utterly in awe of your hedonistic sensibilities. Please, bring it on.

Shiral- you have mastered the the hedonism rationale in ways that shame us all. Wow.
Resolution – Get a more orderly life. Put all your papers in labelled files. Go through those boxes in the basement and throw out what you don’t need. Go to bed earlier so you get at least six hours of sleep every night.

Hedon – What a drag. That would cut into my time going out, reading and OSing. My bills get paid, I’m up-to-date on my taxes and if after so many years the indisposition of those boxes and papers haven’t wrought havoc, they’re easily procrastinable till another time.

In general Oryoki, I think we overly stifle our hedonistic sides. Apart from the seriously addictive personalities who really have to take the prudent advice seriously, most of us would benefit by being a little more cavalier in our choices. While I’m not prone to dwelling on possible regrets, look at the typical areas where the arise.

I’ve had occasions where I’ve ingested more intoxicating substances that I ought to have. But, avoiding such outcomes would have meant a whole different mindset. One where I’d have to be looking at the clock as it approached midnight and where the seldom used “I’d better be going now” would become a stock phrase. And those excesses, the subsequent worry they’ve given me is negligible.

Sex? I’ve had a few encounters where my reaction the next morning was What the hell was I thinking. By regrets standards, glancing blows that left no mark after a couple of hours. But the opportunities not taken, well, some of them I think of still.

Esthetic stimulation? Is there ever enough?

When we’re in our final days, will we seriously regret our over-indulgences? Doubtful. Nice topic you’ve picked.
Advice and counsel for everyone. You have done well. Rather like much of your hedon information.
Floss More and take calcium daily! Not sure if it would help but this past year one tooth cost me more than an expensive diamond ... that I would never buy.

And what keri said about alcohol. Just drink lots of water ... stay hydrated.

Get creative with Downward Dog (uh-huh) so it may someday be enjoyable.