Father's Day was not a joyful celebration this year.  If anything, it was a 21st anniversary of a certain amount of agony.  Specifically, the lack of joy an expectant father faces when he is told that he will be responsible for a child he did not plan, and tried to prevent.… Read full post »

* but your problems are a pile of shit I don't want to deal with anymore.

This has been the bulk of my struggle this month, the dealing gracefully with the problems of life and family.  I keep waiting for the reprieve, when there isn't a constant supply of drama, health… Read full post »

Everything is as it should be. 

Somehow, I am supposed to trust that and let go of my egocentric beliefs that I know better, things should not be this way, and if only... if only.... the world would be better, people would be nicer, the grass would be greener.   If… Read full post »

I'm sitting around waiting for the boredom to kick in.  

The itchy mind, the scratchy fingers, the restless leg, the "I have just got to do something!".  When that happens, I will try to sit through it.  No tv, no reading, no knitting, no exercise, no sex, no mochas at… Read full post »

Somewhere in my mid-20s, I made a decision to be well.  While this might seem a slight thing, it perhaps is one of the handful of "best" things I have done for myself.  How did this happen?

I had suffered a lot of my life, from about 12 years old, from… Read full post »

For anyone who has even briefly read up on Buddhism, the foundation of doctrine lies in The Four Noble Truths.  The short version of these are:

1) We suffer.  

2) The root of suffering is attachment (or craving).

3) There is a way to end suffering.

4) The… Read full post »

Miss Penny is a King Charles Spaniel.  She is a beautiful dog, and she is my sister's dog.  She was rescued from a breeding mill in the Ozarks, having been continually forced to squeeze out puppies, confined to a little cage, in her young years.  Penny is probably less than 5,… Read full post »

Many moons ago, or about 20 years, I interviewed for massage school in Santa Fe.  I had just graduated with my BA from a great school, traveled to Spain, seen amazing sites in caves and huts and Roman ruins.  I was adjusting to my father's early and unexpected death, and life… Read full post »

The big day is Friday night.  Well, that is when we line up, intentions bursting, and the flag is dropped.  The beginning of The Noble Silence and the start of ... er... stopping. 

I am almost in a tizzy of anticipation.   I have dropped my sweetie off for the Black… Read full post »

I am not sure that I am a very good (insert buddhist, quaker, doctor, sister, person).  I mostly feel like I am, but I am so daily reminded of the limits of my patience and the stretches of kindness.  I want to be a bodisattva, and that means desiring happiness and… Read full post »

Today in meditation (yawn, boring already) the world "DE-INVENTION" popped into my head. So often we hear about people RE-inventing themselves, and applaud someone for starting over and making something new of themselves.  The Comeback Kid.  Donald Trump.  Madonna.  Our tv world i… Read full post »

I wonder what my role is in life, for myself, for others.  There is educator, there is guide, there is doctor, there is voice of reason.  There is friend, there is sister, daughter, niece, aunt, there is lover.  All these different roles, different hats, and hopefully not too big a jum… Read full post »

Today was spent taking my sister to the hospital, where she is now.  She may have appendicitis.  She may just have acute inflammation of the bowel.  She is on pain meds and IV antibiotics.  This is not the first time she has gone through this, and she asked them to wait… Read full post »

Like many, I come from a strong background of pressure to be successful.  I grew up around a lot of rich people, and many were successful. Realistically, most of them were rich because their parents were rich and gave them many legs up in life.  Whether or not they became successful… Read full post »

It's really amazing, how a few little words, spoken outloud or said inside, can change everything.  

"And then I got over it".

Moving on, letting go, moving forward, forgiving, forgetting, healing... we talk the talk but don't walk the walk.  We tell our stories over and over, embroidering… Read full post »

Somewhere in my childhood life, I saw an episode of "Chariots of the Gods".  Hosted by Leonard Nimoy, aka Mr Spock, my little mind was burst open with the possibilities of other lives, other civilizations, other times.  I was aware of "the olden days" because of things like the Bicentennial… Read full post »

Angel rolled over and patted his girlfriend on the shoulder,

"I don't think we should go, I am feeling kind of bad."

"Nonsense, you just ate too much again.  It will be good for you, sweat off that second piece of pie."  Maria was scooting out of bed, crossing the room… Read full post »

Angel rolled over and patted his girlfriend on the shoulder,

"I don't think we should go, I am feeling kind of bad."

"Nonsense, you just ate too much again.  It will be good for you, sweat off that second piece of pie."  Maria was scooting out of bed, crossing the room… Read full post »

Recently, I learned that the real reason that I voted for Obama was because I had inadvertantly let my ovaries hold on to the pen when I was in the booth.  I remember that morning, bright and early, lining up with my fellow Americans before the sunrise, coffee in hand, waiting… Read full post »

Can you have totally sober sex that's also uninhibited and totally satisfying? My friend and I have been having a chat about what constitutes abnormal alcohol behavior.  She hardly ever drinks, and she has had a lot of sex.  Still, she apparently has never needed alcohol to lose inhibition,… Read full post »

There's a part of my mind that is like a missing tooth sometimes.  Aware of the gap of what should be there, the tongue runs through its grooves, again and again, looking for its negative spaces and carving out lines and folds.  I haven't missed a tooth in some time, although… Read full post »

Kids these days aren't what they used to be.  

Well, come to think of it, they probably never really were.  We have just come to a point in our social and biological evolution that we shift so much faster between generations, within generations, that kids these days probably aren't what… Read full post »

If my teenage years had a soundtrack, it would resemble Pretty in Pink meets the Smiths, with some Depeche Mode and B52s thrown in.  Because, you know, we all have a soundtrack to our formative years.  And they lasted from vinyl and radio to CD and MP3 and satellite.  If I… Read full post »