It all started out innocently enough. Girl (that would be me) meets social media (in this case, Facebook), posts profile, provides as little info as necessary, downloads some nicely retouched photos, acquires some friends, comments on a couple of items that make her giggle and then goes about her life. Every so often, she (still me) logs in to wish a happy birthday to every person she has never met someone whose voice she would recognize and on the odd occasion, updates her status with cryptic messages that verify she’s still vaguely interested in all this crap breathing.
Then all hell breaks loose.
People start “tagging” me. Whether it be by photo or out of curiosity, I am asked to answer questions about my taste in music, reading habits, dental hygiene or what recipe I most resemble (whatever it is, it’s hot, sweet and spicy, but thoroughly an acquired taste). People tell me what the tarot has in store for them, offer minute by minute, detailed updates about their rectal exams, beg me for imaginary shoes or tools or god knows what garbage they need for games like Farmville.
I’m disturbed by the fact that Facebook is now starting to look like it’s a full time job for too many some people. It makes me wonder if they are gainfully employed or if their employers unknowingly pay them to waste this much time talking about every little detail of their lives while they talk about four weddings and the funeral they will be attending.
Frankly, it scares me. And honestly, it’s not that interesting.
I receive invitations to events that are nowhere near my time zone and email messages imploring me to “like” or “join” or “share”. Suddenly, I find myself feeling like I’m in playschool and big old Barney is going to come traipsing into my cyber life. “I love you, you love me” puke.
If I’m going to get tagged or poked, please let me feel it. And please let it be by someone who is actually there a really good kisser.
I am not cut out for such things.
I blame James Cameron and Leonardo DiCaprio for turning everyone into the king of their own world, if only in their imagination. While flying the other day, I was fully prepared for passengers to begin verbally “updating” their statuses because they are so addicted to over sharing and need to stay connected with everyone every single second of the day. A two-minute verbal Faceairplane feed might look something like this:
Sue D is going to the bathroom.
Ralph Jablonsky likes this.
Max Stein is now friends with 34D.
32A does NOT like this.
Joyce Q and Wyatt Arp have joined the Mile High Club.
Captain Smilovitz was tagged in a photo that was taken by the TSA.
Is this what we are?
I now have almost 350 “friends” on Facebook. I can honestly say I haven’t conversed with or met more than half of them. I wouldn’t recognize them in a police line-up or out in public without their names clearly written underneath their photos. If only it would fit onto a bumper sticker, I might devise one that reads, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Share on Facebook.”
It’s absolute madness.
If somebody could please explain why I want to roll out a long personal carpet throughout the course of a day and share intimate details about my life or read about a complete stranger’s sleeping habits, mean boss, kid’s latest trophy awarded for waking up and breathing or dog’s irritable bowel syndrome, I’d appreciate it.
My new year’s resolution is to do a complete about Facebook. I’m halfway there.
Because frankly, I have more important things to do.
Like write my life story on Twitter.
You can follow me if you want, but thankfully, you can’t tag me.
Unless you’re a really good kisser.
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Comments
I want that sticker.
But soon enough I had the same reactions you have. Now it's a monthly or so habit. The novelty has certainly worn off. Thanks for another witty post.
Rated with hugs
NO to Facebook.
NO to Sharing.
YES to Books.
YES to Faces.
YES to Privacy.
Oh, and yes to kissing!
Give me some paper, an envelope and a stamp. I'll contact my friends one at a time thank you.
R
One thing I do love about Facebook is finding people with whom I have lost touch.
Uh, yes. Pathetic isn't it? McPeoplesoftheEarth.
BTW: Joyce Q and Wyatt Earp posted a porn video of their tryst on www.milehighdoggiestyle.com
But, yeah, I hear you on this. I wrote a similar post about 2 years ago on another site.
R
Anyway, on and on about me...sorry. Great reflection about the blandishness of social media. Still trying to figure out the merits of it for business purposes.
I found that truly lousy/poorly thought out/poorly maintained--take your pick/all 3.
I like my own private life as private. And I can stay in touch with others via phone just as easily.
I mean, when did it stop being "fashionable" to simply keep in touch via phone with voice mail?
As fads come and go, I predict the Facebookian scene will scatter to regroup when the very next thing to keeping unreal tabs comes along.
*hacks up old hairball marked "cyber enthusiasm for the inane"*
Peace
Rated
Love the idea of the bumper sticker. you can sell them on Facebook..oh wait a minute...
kisses, FB friend. ;
I'm in agreement.
Thankfully, Facebook is only tracking and selling info about my every move amongst OS orphinks without informing me.
Watch out for this: If you go to a website that has a Facebook widget, facebook is collecting information about your visit to that website.
You can get "Facebook Disconnect" for that.
`R
rated.
I will never join facebook. For all of your reasons listed above.
My problem with that is twofold:
(1) They have reduced Facebook to one thing, which it is not. Connecting with family members, sharing links, alerting members to events, showing great pictures,etc., are additional reasons to use FB.
(2) But about that one thing: Sure there are people who post what some consider mundane content. But who is anyone to judge? Perhaps posting about having scarfed down a pan of brownies (which I can attest via personal observation is precisely the kind of status update that generates several comments almost instantly) is just a way of inviting engagement, assuaging loneliness. It might, in fact, be the work of someone with a lot of time on his or her hands, someone who is not but wishes to be gainfully employed, or someone without a spouse or children or good neighbors. I remember Ann Nichols once wrote something here on OS about not judging people who played FB games. I walked away from that thinking differently. I used to mock those games myself, and Ann's post reminded me who the hell am I to judge what other people consider a valuable use of their time? An acquaintance once interrupted my recounting to a group something I'd read in the newspaper with this: "How in the world do you have the time to read the newspaper?" and it was not said with admiration. I walked away feeling bad, feeling like I wasn't "busy enough."
Anyway, I do get the notion that backing off can be a good thing. I sometimes ignore the carbon beings in my own family room to chat with virtual strangers. That just can't be a good thing. I'm just attempting an answer to your question about why people do what they do on FB. Honestly, I think FB has so revolutionized socialization that we will, all of us, find ourselves moving back and forth throughout our lives in and out of "Facebook phases" depending on whatever else is going on in our lives. I think FB is a natural hole filler.
Email has evolved to where I need it: I keep in touch with far-flung friends, see pix, and everything is between us, unless *I* choose to forward the discussion to other friends. I recently had a discourse with a friend that ended up on Facebook-----me asking that her funds donated (with a lot of pressure) to an animal surgery here in San Blas that didn't happen, go to my upcoming Spay/Neuter clinic instead--------and I have no idea how to delete this discussion on Facebook. She felt that asking the recipient to donate the unused cash to my clinic might cause "hurt feelings."
My clinics are free to the community here in San Blas (aka, "Bumfuck, Mexico") but cost me $2,000 US each, and that $400 US would be a HUGE boost...........but the Facebook exposure of my request screwed me out of it.
Facebook is just plain stupid. 90% boring shit. And don't even get me started on Twitter. I do not give a rat's ass what anyone is doing (unless it involves fabulous, unknown new sexual acts or great things to make with Jicama) and as a writer all of my life-----I paid the bills for 25 years as a whore writer with constant editorial constraints------I surely don't want the character limitations if I have something interesting or fun to write about. And I have never *ever* seen anything interesting or fun that anyone else has tweeted..........idiots, all.
Another Huge Piss: People that post at OS and use "texting" abbreviations should be........jeeze louise, I want to say, "knocked upside the head," or even, "taken out and have their keyboards shot," but that's just me. Abbreviations must ONLY be used when needed.......and if you cannot determine if your writing forum has limited character requirements, or if you are innately lazy (and clearly stupid) go somewhere else.
End of rant. (But rated your post, as always, sweetheart.)
I started backing off Fb anbout 4 months ago. I post, ignore, ignore, comment a bit, ignore 10x, like a few, ignore 20x...
"And honestly, it’s not that interesting." FB is primitive and too controlled to be a real life enhancement, in its present state.
I think I lost interest when I read that a "friend" I could not remember posted that she was making rice for dinner. Rice. For dinner. Announced. My eyes locked, time and space became distorted and wondered if it was too late to join the Foreign Legion, or if I could just wander north til I found an abandoned cabin to dwell in lo the rest of my days.
Somehow that led me to be duped into starting a whole NEW page for alumni and friends of said high school. That now has almost a thousand members. And I apparently imprinted them all, like baby ducks, and am now their mommie. It isn't pretty.
Now I can't say ANYthing I really feel. I just keep that virtual smile slapped on my face and try to nod--er "like" in the expected places.
Meanwhile, I've sneaked over here. Shh. No one knows..
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Thanks for a great chuckle!
This is selicious fun! r.
Congrats on the EP!