Are you tired of looking like a piece of tofu, run down (from munching only on toasted celery sticks with flaxseed) and listless (as in, you’re on nobody’s list for dinner because you don’t eat meat, fish or dairy)? Do you poop out bunny pellets after parties? Are you unpopular beca… Read full post »

In the bedding department, the men I’ve shared one with reads like a veritable who’s who do not call list. Don’t ask me what my number is. For the record, it’s on a need to know basis unlisted. But recently, things have changed. Here’s a sentence I never thought I would… Read full post »

Dear CBS:

In case you haven’t heard, your oldest living and still breathing employee is just about to exit the building. Are you surprised as I am that he lived this long by this news? Me too! What am I going to have to look forward to every Sunday night…

Read full post »

Necessity breeds invention.  With all the events unfolding in the Middle East, I just know there is some foam-making, fire- eating, bacon-burping, Seventh Day Applebee’s foie gras Adventist, waiting to create a couple of new dishes from scratch all this chaos and serve it up to an increasi/… Read full post »

I’ve got several drawers and half a closet full of sexy lingerie.  They hold more secrets than Victoria could ever keep.  They whisper sweet nothing into my ear.  But then again, so does my sex life this week.

They don’t call it a “dry spell” for nothing.

Bac… Read full post »

Have you always dreamed about learning a second language, but didn’t think you had a good ear or the money time required?  Do you have visions of listening to Berlitz cds while absorbing money Spanish in your sleep? Can you imagine yourself speaking in tongues and sounding decisively Ameri… Read full post »

Let’s face it.  We’re all going to die.

You can go first.

In the meantime, I’ve decided that when my time comes, I’m going to die happy.  Without ever having bad sex again you.

After too many years and far too many disappointments, I have made up… Read full post »

As 2010 draws to a close, many reflect on the events of the past or make predictions about what will happen in the coming year.  If I had a pair of crystal balls to see the future, it would surely stare right back at me.  The glare! I’ll admit that I/… Read full post »

For the life of me, I can’t explain it.

If there had been a category for it in high school, I would have easily been voted, “Most likely to be accosted by a complete stranger who insists on sharing his life story.”

But wait, it gets better. … Read full post »

It all started out innocently enough.  Girl (that would be me) meets social media (in this case, Facebook), posts profile, provides as little info as necessary, downloads some nicely retouched photos, acquires some friends, comments on a couple of items that make her giggle and then goes about h/… Read full post »

I’m very sorry to hear about your horrible cold.  I’m even more sorry that you were forced to go to work today to spread your virus feeling as run down as you do.  I could see it on your face and hear it in your voice instantly even before you breathed… Read full post »

5:53 am:  Cartouche has woken up.

                  Three people like this.

5:56 am:  O’Really? is thinking about what she has to do today coffee.

5:58 am:  29 people think they have great ideas fo/… Read full post »

With the five day cover holiday season fast approaching, I was amazed that OS Editor Emily Holleman would take time out of her busy schedule to have a chat with the other me.  I assured her that this was not an interview or part of an attempt to resurrect the now… Read full post »

It all started out with a message from Facebook that the following had been written on my wall:

“"Did you see your old high school friend, Sean Young is going to be on "Skating with the Stars"?"

Oy.  Fact is, Sean Young and I were in Girls Glee Club/… Read full post »

Am I the only one who read the assignment?  Emily threw out an Open Call directive that came from Sarah Hepola of Salon asking for suggestions to rename the “Sexiest Man” feature, not to describe what makes a man sexy.  I already know what makes a man sexy and so should/… Read full post »

I’ve never taken up one of the Salon Kitchen Challenges (that’s SKC to the people who cook and take these things very seriously), and when I saw that this week’s challenge was to write about travel food, I thought, even I can do this.  I travel!  I eat!  And even thou/… Read full post »

It’s been a rough and tumble kind of week.  First there was Halloween and all the constipation that comes with it.  Less than 48 hours later came the midterm bloodbath.  If I see one more headline claiming that this election was a vote against Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi, I&rsq/… Read full post »

As the polls start to close and you begin to unwind from a day of lever pulling, touch screen or old-fashioned write-in voting and snuggle up to your antacid tablets, leftover hummus and whatever liquor you found under the hood while cleaning out the garage last weekend, it should not be… Read full post »

When I was younger, I used to enjoy TV game shows.  When I visited Los Angeles in the mid 80’s, I even tried out for one.  Don’t ask me which one, I can’t remember.  What I do remember about that way too long ordeal was having to jump through a lot/… Read full post »

While necessity breeds invention, some things are simply unnecessary and just better left uninvented.  Think about it.  Did we really need an octomom or the pet rock?  Has your quality of life improved substantially because of the big gulp? What would Groucho Marx have said about &ldqu/… Read full post »

Apparently, the idea of OS interviews has been resurrected in recent weeks.   We did this about a year and a half ago and it was a great way for people to get to know other members of OS.  Who better to interview Leepin Larry who was unavailable because he’s being interviewed… Read full post »

After reading Jane Smithie, mumbletypepeg and Lucy Mercer’s posts about entering their essays to win $10,000, I couldn’t help but throw my hat in the ring and approach this from a completely different angle.  The premise of Anthony Bourdain’s contest is to answer the questi… Read full post »

Here are my responses to Mark Trost's Bullshit-Free 25 Meme Open Call:

1.  Lingerie & pajamas. Bullshit. What do you really sleep in?

Bed.  Naked.


2. What’s the one thing in your refrigerator you’re goddamned angry about if someone touches it?

My Reggiano Parmigiano, Marcona… Read full post »

For the sake of full disclosure, I wasn’t sure if I should post this under my cartouche blog or as O'Really? (for those 87 people that are still in the dark, I write under both names here on OS).  And then I figured that it didn’t really matter which blog I/… Read full post »

I’m not quite sure what possessed me to do what I did when I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:45 this morning.  I wouldn’t call it a craving.  Cravings apply to things like chocolate and sex wiener schnitzel.  I wouldn’t characterize it as curiosity either; because, l/… Read full post »