Now unless you have been completely vetted by a Redhead after being given the opportunity to even date one let alone marry her, don't try these at home. Normal vetting period is five years, if you have survived that long your pretty much in. Lest of course you do something incredibly stupid which will end in divorce and you completely destroyed (which is better I guess than just missing and never heard from again) and forever fearful of the color red. Just a thought you should consider.

The Redhead and the Appliance Salesman

   My wife has a built in intimdation presence when she walks in a room. She is 6' tall with brilliant red hair and stunningly beautiful. There are one or two here on OS who can attest to that so I am not making that up and if she does read this I may live long enough to write again after making such a bold statement about her first. When she goes into a store to buy something she gets what she wants at the price she wants, you do not argue with her, she will simply leave and then bad mouth your ass to every influential customer she knows that have visited your store. You the salesman will then be unemployed and forever fearful of red.

   While it has always been typical for the male of the house to buy the big ticket appliances for the home, many men have now turned that into a sharing opportunity for the wife to get involved and help make the decisions. Even when in actuallity the men just want to give the appearance they are letting their wives feel useful and get them to shut up about it. NOT ME, I saw an opportunity for afternoon recreation and let me tell I was not disappointed.

   When we bought our second house in the Caymans as we made an island move the new house came with appliances with the purchase. Two weeks ago our washer and dryer went out, not completely but given the chance they were just going to quit in the near future. She wanted new ones for the house and for ME to fix the old and move them to the garage for as she termed it other use. Meaning of course anything that she does not want inside the house nor to touch the inside of the machines. So being semi-retired and always looking for ways of new recreation I decided to take her to the appliance store and she do the purchasing of exactly what she wants on her terms without any intererence from me. Redheads jump at the chance to eat people alive  to be in charge. I know this can be extremely dangerous for anyone involved but it was worth the time.

   Now please, I do not want to hear in comments anything about this next paragraph it is only to be taken in context of the story not to hear you criticize me for being the cause of the US economic decline or your thoughts on opinionated stupidity. With that said read on.

   We are wealthy, I mean really wealthy, we do not need to go to stores to buy things, nor do we need to shop around for bargains. My wife does and she does it well much to the surprise of many. The morning of the new purchase we flew to Grand Cayman on our helicopter and landed at the airport where a car was waiting to take us to the appliances store. With us was my executive assistant/security person and of course our youngest daughter had come along, mainly because Daddy lets her fly the helicopter and she also got visit her girlfriends there. We dropped her off and my games began.

   Entering the store we were greeted by Jerry the assitant manager, now I have dealt many times in the past 25 years with this store so they do know me well. He introduced himself to us and then I introduced him to my wife and Jerry said,

"What can I help you with today Mr. Exasperated (not my real name)." 

" Jerry today you are going to be helping Mrs E. and while your doing that I am going to sit over here on this nice couch and relax," I said, "She will let you know exactly what she wants."

   As my assistant and I watched from the comfy and safety of the new couch, she was off with the salesman in tow much like a puppy dog not knowing how to please the owner or what he was walking into. She went to each available washer and dryer in the place, wanting to know everything from colors available, performance statistics, water usage, dying time compared with the the previous four she had looked at. The whole time Jerry kept looking back at us or around her, his eyes pleading for me to come save him or why doesn't she just take the best and be done with it. We just smiled and waved at him. He then started sweating bullets profusely when finally after making an informed decision decided on a pair. A feeling of relief came to Jerry's face......until she said that she wanted a better price than what they were offering. Believe me I think Jerry if given the chance and had a gun would of shot himself in the head. He probably figured if he shot her it would only piss her off and she would really kill him.

   Fianlly after Jerry almost gave her the set for free and she paid for it she summoned me up front to work out the the trivial delivery details while she went as rested from her busy shopping experience. When I had given Jerry all the details and finished up with the paperwork, Jerry leaned closer to me at the counter and said,

" Mr E. did we or myself do something to piss you off or did you ahve a bad experience with any of our appliances in the past?"

" No Jerry," I said in a comforting tone, " You guys have always given me outstanding service, but I just don't use the machines myself, she does so she got to pick what she wanted and that makes her happy, which in turn makes my life easier."

   Jerry looked at me and said he could understand the reason for not ever wanting to piss her off but next time could I call in advance if she needs anything else. No problem Jerry now that I have found this recreational tool out I will unleash her on many more unsuspecting individuals, that is at least until she finds out what I was doing all along. Then it will become physical therapy instead of recreational. Instead of laughing I will be in pain. Have a nice day, I am.

older/exasperated  c.07/2012