The King Wants You, read the subject heading in the email.

 I click.

Burger King is looking for Managers to run their restaurants. I think it’s kind of cool that they call themselves a restaurant.  I guess it’s like me calling myself a Marketing Consultant while I’m unemployed.

I click.

My friends at Career Builder are hard at work trying to find me a job.

Update my resume!

Attract more employers!

Based on my profile they send me jobs that meet my skill set. I wonder how my Masters Degree in Health Care Administration makes me “King” material.  I wonder how my volunteer experience as a shopper for the disabled, makes me worthy of a personal invitation to apply to The Kingdom.

I click.

 It turns out I’m not “King” material.   Even if I wanted the King, he wouldn’t grant me an interview.  I have no restaurant management experience much less the 10 years the King is looking for. Furthermore I have no retail experience.  In fact, I have never even operated a cash register.  I have no experience in the food service industry either. I click on.

Police Officers Needed.  Like all unsolicited offers, I weigh the pros and cons of opening the email. Do I risk getting a virus and frying my motherboard. I’m on the Stimulus Package since last April. I can now say I have been unemployed since last year. I open the email. Click. Click.

The anonymous sender asks,  Do I think I am the type? Do I think I have what it takes to become a police officer? Do I feel that I have a need to serve the public trust and to protect others?  No. No. No.

 The sender can’t possibly know me. I am a nervous anxious person. I am overweight. I don’t have any need to serve the public trust and feel incapable on the most basic level of protecting others.

The sender sites a quote from the Journal of Police Science and Administration. “A police Officer with a college degree has a 73% chance for superior performance!”  I wonder which of my college degrees would better my performance as a police officer, my communications degree or the health care administration degree. Neither has helped me find a job.

I click.

Important Notice from someone named Heidi.  There is a Bank Draft for 970,000 dollars which will be sent to me via courier if I pay the outstanding balance of 195.00 dollars to a Mr. Kenny . There is even a phone number to call with questions but somehow I get the feeling that Mr. Kenny is really a girl named Wendy sitting in an internet café with a disposable cell phone somewhere in Nigeria. I’ve been home long enough to see ever episode of “To Catch a Predator” and I’d can already see Chris Hanson interviewing me in my living room  asking  “What were you thinking when you sent the money?” I click.