and if my thought-dreams could be seen

they'd probably put my head in a guillotine

Natalie Not Pedantic

Natalie Not Pedantic
November 01
“If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I will write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always. I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.” Henry Rollins ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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NOVEMBER 12, 2009 4:47PM

Broken Heart

Rate: 57 Flag



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Not the broken-heart story I thought I would find. Much more. Did you draw the heart with BROKEN? If not, please tell me who did.
This is 0ne of the best posts I've yet seen from you Natalie. My heart goes out to the little girl and her grandmother, even as I see the landscapes and pe0ple and events here through her eyes. Brilliant.
This sad and compelling. I ache... ~R~
It seems you have touched on the soul of the child here. Touching. Thank you!
Wonderfully written! The hook was hard and fast and drew me in quite well. The emotive elements were powerful enough to evoke emotion without ever crossing in to absurdity or weakness. Lovely, and rated.
Holy moley! I think I need more of this.

Wow. What a wrenching story, and the little girl . . . wow. Broken hearts indeed.
Janie, it's not fiction. My grandmother didn't die from this heart attack, but had 7 major ones before the one that finally did kill her while she was dancing when I was 16. I like to think she died doing what she loved.

Harriet, the photograph is one that I found on photobucket. I can send you a link if you like.

Nana, thanks. As you know, I wasn't sure about posting it, because I didn't know if it 'worked' or not.

Chuck, thank you for your kind words. Sometimes even aching is least we feel.

Rose, that was my main aim going in, so I'm really glad it worked for you.

Walk Away, thank you muchly :)

65, I appreciate your kind words.

Frank, I have a few drafts of childhood experiences that I'll be posting when they're done.

Owl, thank you for reading.
yes, this is quite good...very good.
Well done Natalie, sorry you lost your Grandmother, but glad you had her with you for a while longer.
Man oh man. This was so painfully beautiful. I can't stop crying. Damnit this was so well written.
Wow. wonderful writing. thank you...
just beautiful. my heart froze when I read the doberman part.
wish I could rate this more than once for the power of good writing.
You can write! More and more, please, but let me start breathing again. I read the whole thing without air!
your story was great!
I felt the world from her heart
you are now a fav!
So well written! Reality cold and hard with heart strings tugged at the same time. Rated.
So much heartbreak in a youngster's life sometimes. I don't think parents understand the emotional damage they can do to a child some times.
Something tells me this isn't that much fiction. More please.
Broken heart. A metaphor and more.
Grandmothers can be very special.
I can still hear my Nana's voice, calling my name--all joyful & happy to see me-- for the last time. It's a good thing, though.

Thanks for sharing, Natalie--this "works."
You tugged and twisted my heartstrings on this one Nat. Very beautiful and touching story..
Terrific writing. My heart jumped at the dobermans too. I love that graphic also. Great post.
I used to think I was a decent writer. Then I met you. You kick ass Nat! Thanks for sharing this.
You capture a child's perception so well. This was a sad story.
Tragic -- and beautifully written.
This seems to be the week that I get my heart broken on Open Salon. So beautiful. So tragic. You honor us with this.
Beautiful writing. Thanks.
What a sad piece.....An experience like that would surely impact the little girl!
This was just beautiful. And touching. Succinct, but expansive.
Makes you want to hold the little girl and tell her that everything will be alright.
works, yes, it surely does. it's beautifully written. reading it, i feel like i'm inside that child.
:-( ~hug~ I know I shouldn't read your 'broken' stories when I'm emotional ,but I do and then I cry and then I boohoohoo! But it's good.


Wow. This is very emotional and gripping. A great piece Natalie.
Natalie you have unlocked the little girl within you and I hope that this story has helped to mend her broken heart.
thank you for sharing your closeness with your nanna; i was very close with mine, as well and they are very powerful relationships. keep writing, you'll only get better.
Nat: You have all of this and more inside of you. Now decide if it should come out here.
I vote yes, but that is for you and your heart to decide.
Very well done, and a fitting tribute.
Beautiful. Heartfelt.
That drew me in from begging to end. Loved it. -e
So heartwrenching and beautiful. Thank you.
Good heavens, what a beautiful little tale.
Turning that cane into sugar, sugar...
Wow, Natalie,

This is so sentimentally profound, so endearing throughout. The last sentence is a fantastic choice for a moral.
One of very few works that made me emotional.

Very well written.
Thanks so much for sharing, Natalie. The exquisite writing averts drowning in bathos..not an easy thing to do!
This was heart breaking. And beautiful.
Try breaking up the last paragraph after the second sentence. That separation causes a full stop in the reader's mind and increases the dramatic effect of the remainder of the paragraph.
Glad I'm posting last here N - I seem to be in minority.
I think the girl has the same kind of loyalty a dog shows its last feeder. (No disrespect intended)
It did have some poignant moments :)
What a wonderful memory. Well written and well said. I enjoyed it very much! :D

A happy ending.
Todd de Veyra
Wow, Nat this was fantastically written! You certainly painted a very detailed picture in my mind, with what comes next as unpredictable as the landscape of dreams. I too hoped it was fiction but saw your response to that question. She died dancing. How wonderful she must have been.
I really liked this, very well done, and so sad you can feel the little girls fear. There will be more?
Beware of the Palin boys. We've got your back. xox