Unemployment is hovering stubbornly at around nine percent. Housing starts are down for the fourth month in a row. Europe is poised on the brink of a Lehman Brothers-like financial collapse. Our political system seems broken beyond repair and Ugly America is ascendant as Tea Partiers at the Republican debates cheer death and boo serving members of our military who happen to be gay. The Taliban recently blew up Hamid Karzai's chief peace negotiator with a bomb hidden in some dude's turban. Ashton Kucher has replaced Charlie Sheen on Two And a Half Men.
Given the gravity of these and other seemingly insoluble problems we face in these troubled times, I'm wondering: Should I eat this sandwich I found in the microwave?
I opened the microwave to reheat a cup of coffee and there it was, half a Quizno's "steakhouse beef dip." It's almost lunch time and there's not much in the pantry but I don't want to put on decent clothes to go out and get something else, so I'm wondering - would eating this thing be dangerous?
By a rough count it's been in there about 40 hours. While it hasn't been that hot recently, it hasn't been that cool either, and I don't know what the incubation period for ptomaine is. It wasn't that good of a sandwich when I ate the first half, and I doubt it tastes any better after sitting around for nearly two days, but on the plus side it doesn't smell *funny* yet and is probably loaded with enough preservatives to retard the growth of microorganisms.
My dilemma in some ways resembles the one faced by progressives in next year's presidential elections. If I don't eat the sandwich I'll have to actually go outdoors, get in my vehicle, and find something less toxic for lunch. If I do eat the sandwich, I may well wind up in the hospital with food poisoning.
So, what to do?
I'm asking my readers, both of you, is this sandwich safe to eat or is it just not worth the risk? I would greatly appreciate your input, preferably expressed in the traditional blog comment format of "Whether that sandwich makes you violently ill or not, I support your decision and have nothing but respect for your courage. Rated." or the inverse, "If you eat that festering steakhouse dip the consequences are yours to live with. Making good life decisions is one of the most important skills there is, and 'til you learn to accept responsibility for your actions you'll be trapped in an endless cycle of blame and regret. You maggot."