FEBRUARY 13, 2011 9:52PM

Post For A Rabid Weasel (now with more guns)

Rate: 39 Flag


There's this, um...person?  Yeah, a person, sorta. Anyway, this person seems to be laboring under the impression that their views on what I should or shouldn't post on my blog have some sort of significance.  What's more, this person likes to run around taking me to task for things I've posted in the past, and even to suggest that I'm ashamed of them in some way or am hiding the truth about my previous *misdeeds.*  To set the record straight in that regard, I've compiled here some imagery involving one of my hobbies.  At the risk of seeming bellicose - oh no! -  I need to make it perfectly clear that I'll post what I like and that I stand by every word I've said on my blog or anywhere else in OS. Anyone who has a problem with that needs to just get the fuck over it.

This post's for you, Rabid Weasel!

Any questions?

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You dare post pics of guns? I will NOT get over it mister! Take those down right now and don't ever do that again. No wonder you're ashamed of your past misdeed.

From now on, I expect you to clear you posts with me and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Is that clear?!
Weasel? Shoot it!!!
Just looked at the video. More outrage! Children with gun? And now you've revealed his real name! Oh, and make that kid pull his pants up.
I like shootin' guns too, believe it or not.

There are several rabid weasels all over OS lately. They are somehow getting the idea that their tea party style of crap is going to work.
*raises hand* i have a question regarding the first picture

did you lose your butt in some tragic gun related incident?

Oh, and who built that deck with the crooked boards? Prolly some pedophile. SHAMEFUL!
Those saggy drawers are a disgrace! And Z, the weasels come from all ends of the political spectrum these days.
I mean... if it's intruding in your home space and won't go away. Pacifism is over rated. Should we let mosquitoes and bed bugs suck our blood and let flies drink from the fluid of our eyeballs?
Target practice? What a fun family event.
Lorianne, my ass was shot off at last year's St. Paddy's day parade. We do it up right in Kansas City.

Major, once that deck went bad Trig had no choice but to go ahead and let 'em foreclose on the house.

Shooting targets is a great way to spend time with the family, V, and Trig, regarding pacifism, my motto is "Peace love and understanding or I'll cap your ass." It's worked for me so far.
Is a Wabid Weasel the same thing?
Just realized I.Q. spells 'ick'. Just sayin'.

Oops, hijacked your post and you're the one with the gun. How'd that happen?
I guess you have do dumb it down, like me. I'm actually reasonably bright in real life.. Just saying.

Oh, and speaking of bright thoughts, just realized, if that weasel is rabid, you really have no choice...
Larry, only if Elmer Fudd is hunting it.

Major, IQ is the opposite of ick, though it's hard to tell with how tiny she is in that avatar pic. Regarding weasels, we always have a choice, it's just that this time my choice was to not say "Aw shucks, I guess you're right Ms. Weasel" and walk away dejectedly. Civility has its uses but sometimes you gotta make like Willie Nelson up there. (I'm thinking about Photoshopping a pistol into his other hand btw)
I'm quite sure you're right about _iq_.

As for the always having a choice... you're getting awful lib there.
You're a southpaw?

Sorry that B[REAL-NAME-CENSORED]-Psycho-R[REAL-NAME-CENSORED] continues to harrass. Well, it only makes sense as her comment on Cranky's post about a significant other made reference to her Daddy.

Inbreeding results in diminished mental capacity.

Thanks Major, I forgot myself for a moment there. Ahem...How about that NASCAR? I heard somebody blowed up real good there a while back!

Joisey! Yeah, she made me lose my temper today, I mean, worse than other times I lose my temper. Ah well, you buy 'em books and buy 'em books and they tear out the pages.
Now I'm off to look for Cranky's post. I love drama when it's not mine.
i q is slinky hot.. and cool
And off goes Major Mojo, the Drama Hound of Quick Sand Acres! (location intentionally mis-stated in case any weasels set out after him)

Tr ig: you ain't just whistlin' Dixie.
And Joisey, I'm a lefty alright. My dad used to call me "Wrong-Armer."
Willie is now packing heat up there, courtesy of an anonymous philanthropist who shall remain nameless and, quod erant demonstrandum, unnamed.

Oh no, anonymity!
Still feeling a bit sad for all those ants and things near the target on the range there - talk about collateral ...
And how many ants will it take till we know...
That too many insects have dye-hyyyyed!
... not to mention all the birdies in the trees there, and the folk who live on the other side of the hill.
Dammit Kim, only a few rounds went over the berm!

Stellaa, should I post the Monty Python video, but with GPS tracking devices instead of canned lunch meat?
I am sinistra too... left handed archery bow..
Whew. Thank God you didn't correctly spell out Q[REAL-NAME-CENSORED].
What if someone actually is named [REAL-NAME-CENSORED]?

See what I mean, I is too smart. I thinks about stuff all the dayumed time.
A fellow lefty! I'll bet you're good with a bow, Rita.

I just didn't want anybody followin' you home Major. And I think you're channeling the Doge now.

By the way, everyone who has commented on this post, with the possible exception of Kim, who no OS woman can resist, is now on the weasel's shit list if you weren't already before. She has a long shit list.
I never deleted you as a friend OS has done it again.
I hope you know I ducked when I saw that last pic.
You deleted me as a friend? But whyyyy, Linda???

You can make up for it if you rate this post. Most people don't even want to comment on it, and half of the ones who have didn't rate it. Oh woe is me!
I take it you were never much into 'Sit In's' or peace rallies? I'm assuming that is not a water pistol:) And to think a baseball bat has to serve as my primary defense weapon...... Live and learn:)) What do you do when you are REALLY frustrated? Never mind. I'm not sure I want to know....
Yes, I am a ratings whore. I just need to be up-front about that.
That man in the green hat can't hit a damn thing.
Susan! Actually, when I was attending KCAI we would hold anti-nuclear war rallies at the Midwest Research Institute on Volker Boulevard the first Tuesday of the month at 11AM when Kansas City does its civil defense sirens test. We'd all line up on the sidewalk in front of the building wearing skull masks and black robes, and at the instant the sirens would begin to wail we'd all fall down on the sidewalk and *die* 'til the testing was over. It irritated people sometimes; they'd walk by and say stuff like "Get a job, hippie" and "Why you gotta block the sidewalk?"
Mark, my nephew in the video there, who's less than half (more like a third) my age, is twice the shot I am. It's pathetic.
I rated it. I am going to sleep now. I am just happy I got my sharks to download. You should go look.
I thought Tr ig was the OS guy no woman could resist? I am lapsing or is he?
Is that olive still in your pocket?
What an eloquent elegy!
Thank you V! I was over there but I didn't see a shark. :(

Rita, she has a special list for Trig and Trig alone, no matter what the other ladies may think.

Interrobang, nah, I'm wearing it on a leather thong now as a necklace. It's fashion and emergency rations all in one.

Thank you COS! I was going for William Faulkner meets Franz Kafka leavened with a little Banana Yashimoto.
Hey! I heard my name was being taken in vein around here. Or vain. Or vane.
Ahhhh, nana, I think you have a cute butt!! All the weasels want it, cause they have nothing like it to gnaw on NOWHERE!!!

I'm not sure I want to find out who the Rabid Weasel is, I think I know (It's Trig's transsexual lover, Francis D. Moley, right? RIGHT? OH GAWD, IT IS, ISN'T IT? I never told trig this but I hates that Francis!! He should have stayed a she!! Adding a penis doesn't make it right?

Wait, what?) but well, I'm soooooo not about drama!! Candiru catfish, Justin Bieber, and Duluth, sooooo about though!!!

Also, I found a new love at the zoo today. Her name? Don't know. Her son's? BILLY BOB!!!! As in "Billy Bob, you stop right now, I can't run in these shoes!!!"



No, no pictures of her. It had to be seen in motion to believe, and no video camera!! BOOHOOOHOO!!!
( that was my license to throw in a little Japanese - she's 19, it's ok )
Rita's lapsing - that's ok, I'll sort it out. She forgot whose hareem she was in there for a minute is all.
The sharks are under "A Fishy Experience." :-) But, the kids in the picture are mine. My son was 1 and my daughter was 3.
WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG! We're all people here.

Well, except for Tink and a few other cads, er, cats and some dawgs. Weasels, cats, dogs, hominids...all part of the Circle of Strife, er, Life.
"Rita, she has a special list for Trig and Trig alone, no matter what the other ladies may think. "

i think you meat to type she has a special lust
Tink, you promised me a picture of you anonymously posing in a Hannah Montana wig but you still haven't delivered, nor did you rate this post. You're just like my gym coach but hairier!

Kim, Rita will snap back to herself I'm sure. And Ms. Yashimoto isn't 19; she was born the same year as me, which makes her, um...27.

Veronica, your babies are absolutely beautiful. You are very proud of them I take it, and you should be.

Real Name Censored, if that IS your real name, how do I know you weren't sent by the Weasel?

Lorianne, was that "meat" remark a Fraudian Slip?
I mean Freudian! It must be catching.
How can I, mon agouti de amore, with the moon shining so brightly in your eyes?
No, IQ, come back, I'm wearing Speedos!
I am not at the behest of any person...or animal.

And of course this is my real name. I disapprove of pseudonyms.
you never forget your first harem.
Well, actually my real name, which is Bulgarian, sounds obscene to English ears, and when I tried to post under it, OS automatically censored it.
Well, Mr. Censored, does the Vulgarian Religion ban you from rating posts?

Rita, nor the first time my lover tried to kill me with a steak knife. There's a certain wistfulness there it's impossible to recapture.
nana, you may be able to catch up with iq at the roadhouse, but no guns allowed in Australia... speedos allowed but not encouraged..
Fraudian slip... an undergarment worn by Sigmund's wife? huh?

and yeah, i meant meant not meat or maybe i meant meat. hard to say. i was distracted with the thought of a rabid weasel lusting after Trig... the horror!
I did so rate this post!! Before I even commented!! PFFFFFFFT!!!

And I posted the picture of me in the Hannah Montana wig and even full costume, it was so moving, Billy Ray Cyrus sent me a message telling me to meet him at the Hotel NoTell in Parksville, Kentucky as he had something to show me.

It turned out it was a new song called, "River Bends and Rain Bows....."

Yeah, it was pretty awful, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings, you know how I am, so I was like,


I added a whoo whoo at the end, because no proper love song shouldn't have a whoo whoo at the end.

And he was like, "That's so sad, as in, love broken hearted in the middle of the afternoon delight, sky rockets in flight....kind of sad, tears falling from my eyes, but the rain awashes them away...."

Then we fucked.

Not a bad deal but he was a screamer.

I mean, gawd, my dick ain't that big, and I used lube....


Oops, I mean....

We made love in the moonlight, it was magical.

Then the wig fell off and well, the magic was over.



Grammy Awards 2012, here's I cums!! Teeheehee!!
It's not me. I am rather fond of the initials VW. And yes I am very proud of my children. There is nothing I would not do for them.

I can't sleep.

We can all agree not to shoot each other but there is no way that each and every person in the world can get along to the point of liking each other. What we can do is respect each other.

Here how is this I promise to always use the initials VW.

I like Victoria better though.

By the way, who did you get to take the picture with you point the gun right directly at the camera?
Won't the woods be pretty in a month or two when they're all green and leafy. That is one gorgeous fence and I like the way the pickets are topped off. I wonder what that vine is, cascading over it - honeysuckle? Clematis? Wisteria? I can almost smell it! Is that jacket real leather? It had to have cost a fortune. OMG I love Willie Nelson; now I'm humming his version of Blue Skies. And it is so refreshing to see a kid wearing a dress shirt, tie, and pants that aren't hanging down around his knees with his boxers hanging out.

I love the way you managed to combine nature, music and family in this introspective little slice-of-life photo essay.
I did too rate! Just for that, I'm taking it back.
Lorianne, I know, just the thought makes me shrivel up like a spider on a hot skillet.

Rita, I do need to get by the truckstop, all this foofaraw is giving me a headache.

Tink, are you sure that publicly describing a sexual encounter with Billy Ray Cyrus is appropriate? Even if it's not, thank you for rating, my brother from another mother. {hugzzz!}

Victoria, I'm so sorry! I'll call you VW then. I used a tripod and the camera timer to get the shot with the rifle barrel pointing head-on. Even when a firearm isn't loaded I'd never point it at a person.

Margaret, that's a wild clematis on the fence, though it was months past flowering. It's nothing like the large-petalled clematis you might buy at a garden center; when in bloom it's covered in hundreds of silvery-white star shaped blossoms about an inch across; they glisten in the sun in a very fetching manner. I have hundreds of kinds of flowers in the yard, and half or more of them are wild species I gathered in the woods and prairies around here.

Censored, please don't unrate me, a bunch of people did that one night and I nearly got the vapors from stress.
Not fond of the armaments. Like venison.
Okay, maybe I didn't rate it. I thought I did. I don't want to argue with someone with that many guns, even if he can't hit the target...
Judging by those dirt puffs, you at least scared the shit out of that target.
Hi Ablonde. Venison is great; elk is even better. I'm guessing you can get wild game fairly easily up there, or even farm raised. There are farms around here specializing in buffalo and elk and so forth but not as many as there should be. Whole Foods carries it but they charge too damn much.

Censored, I actually hit the target four or five times in the final part of that video. Kpffft.
Paul, you're just like the others, taking the low road. When that short little MPA30 gets to rocking up and down even Davey Crockett would experience difficulties. The trouble is, if I ever had to use it on a intruder I'd have to ask him to step forward a few feet and stand still 'til I racked off ten or fifteen rounds. Even then the sheet-rock repair bill would be outrageous.
Sorry, it was too obvious a joke. If I passed, I'd have to turn in my Smartass Union card. Seriously (as it gets), that looked like fun.
We used to buy a bag of cheap bobbers, throw 'em in a strip pit and see who could make 'em jump the highest without breaking them. The splashes added to the fun. You might want to try that with a weasel carcass. Do it before it goes flat, and it'll fer sure float.
Don't be jealous IQ; that avatar was a gift from yet another anonymous philanthropist. I'll make the cover for sure now!

Paul, strip pits are great for that kind of thing. I used to go to some a ways south of here and shoot 2 liter pop bottles full of colored water. Less challenging than bobbers but satisfying when they go sploosh. Don't take this as a come-on, but have you ever gone noodling? I've always wanted to try it (maybe?) but it's illegal on the Kansas side.
Your strategy is mind-boggling. At the top of the feed on Valentines Day, and suddenly things take on a whole new meaning. This post will CRUSH all the inevitable mush and gush and sad poems and poor-me-I'm-all-alone-today posts that will soon be jostling for ratings, with its very simplicity. Spring...renewal...hope...now I'm hearing Willie singing "Always On Your Side"....and the message even changes: "Give it your best shot."

Okay I'm sick of gushing, now I'm just pissed. I was working really hard on something but what's the point. I knew it was a bad idea to check back. But then I'd have never known clematis grew wild. Or that you had such a way with plants. Life's full of tradeoffs I guess.
I used to have a bunch of photo essays of my yard, Margaret, but they're all deleted now along with everything else before November '09. Regardless, there's no question that momentum is on my side now; by tomorrow evening I'll be Glenn Greenwald's or Perez Hilton's understudy. I'm sorry, a little, that I'll have to leave everyone here behind once I'm a real writer.

IQ, don't take that tone with me, coming off all like you've never noodled before. :P
"Tink, are you sure that publicly describing a sexual encounter with Billy Ray Cyrus is appropriate?"

I don't think I could live in a world where it wasn't appropiate! Everyone should take one in the face by the Billy, and by take one in the face, I mean, listen to him sing to a stadium full of Billy Ray-ites aka his bed room where he pretends that thousands of screaming teenie girls ready to throw their panties up on stage scream his name!

I mean, who am I to judge, I do the same thing and I haven't had a hit even close to Achy Breaky Heart. I didn't ever have the Mullet that launched a thousand pairs of panties even!!!

I did ALMOST get to touch Sally Ranger's breasts in the 10th grade. She liked how I sang 'Tiny Bubbles' when I was taking a shower and she somehow was standing right under my bathroom window which....hey wait a second, I HAD MY VERY OWN STALKER!!!!

God, she was hot too. Long blonde hair down to the middle of her back, green eyes like you only see in the movies, and all of her original teeth but that could have changed since then.

The 80s were rough and the 90s weren't that much easier!! Gawd, I should probably call her. I bet she has dentures by now. OH MY...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!


By the way, I flagged this post because of the pornographic comments about Billy Ray Cyrus getting it on with a pussy cat dressed up as Hannah Montana. OBSCENE!!!

Then I re-rated it!!

Cause I'm naughty that way!!!

I'm still pissed at you for deleting all your stuff. Before Nov. 09 was your best stuff.

Don't get me wrong, your post on Dec. 9th, 2010 about jacking off field mice with a blow torch was pretty good. But nothing beats October 8th, 2009's post --- I WAS A TEENAGE DRAG QUEEN IN A COVER BAND or July 7th, 2009's post ---- I GOT IMPREGNATED BUT NOW MY OVARIES ARE DYING....truely heart breaking stuff, my friend!!

EPs galore, Cover up the ass, what happened? Too afraid of fame you committed literary suicide, is that what happened? You made out with Kerry and that was enough for you?


**Wanders off to drink whiskey and watch movies about people with real problems**

They can't get their dicks up!!

Hey, wait a second, why does it want me to send ya to my Facebook page when I hit flag??

Some kind of new security thing?

Gawd, that's so lame!!! But I'll do it!!!
Tink, I liked the '80s pretty good, and even the '90s, but none of 'em compare with the mid-to-late '70s. You've never lived 'til you've danced the locomotion to "Dream Weaver" in platform roller skates. It's heaven! Please watch out for Billy Ray though; sure, he's generous with his man-whores, but he's also vengeful, especially when he gets in the ritalin.

Aretha, all you have to do is mention guns around here to piss off a certain set, never mind posting pictures of them. That's awesome you're taking up trap; you can actually get a decent pump shotgun for a reasonable price if you don't mind used. I got that 12-gauge Mossberg in the pic on that video up there for a hundred bucks at a place called - I'm not making this up - Joe's Guns & Liquor. One-stop shopping!

Tink, did you just call me a figpucker??? I'm going to your Facebook page right now and changing your status to "Ovulating." You'll wish you'd never crossed me you whore!
It saddens me that you didn't mention my post titled LOOK AT MY NEW VAGINA! It was just pictures I got off of GraphicSexChangeProcedures.com but everyone who read it seemed very moved.
nana, too late, I already changed yours to 'Already pregnant and ready to flirt!' on your Adultfriendfinder profile.

Suck that Pensrbreath8000!! PFFFFFFT!!

Yeah, the 70s were great for 'skating' and 'getting a piece of breast'!!! Disco was awesome. I wish it would come back, with its blood letting, and worshipping Satan all the while doing the Hustle.

Best era ever!!!

I think my childhood(which I'm still living!!!) made its maximum achievement when my mage became like a level 999th in Dungeon and Dragons.

Yes, I cheated. Bite me!!

Yes, LOOK AT MY NEW VAGINA, was a brilliant piece, though, not up to the standards set by the very first piece I ever read by you, I HAD A DOCTOR CHOP OFF MY MEAT ROD SO I COULD BE THE TRUE WOMAN I THOUGHT I ALWAYS WAS MEANT TO BE!

I believe that was your first EP and Cover as well. I remember the photo so well, it was like Ashley Buckner meets Whore Wilma meets an enema. So hot, it should be against the law.

I believe drive through guns, ammo and booze stores shouldn't be against the law!!!


What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, I think this post should be on the Cover by 9am, an EP too. It is not only informant, but entertaining as well, like an enema with ice cream.

Fett, oh, I wish you could have been here during the good ole days, I use to write about love, sex, and ice cream enemas back then, Nana would respond by saying that love, sex and ice cream enemas only belonged in marriage or whorehouses in Mexico.

It was good times. Good times indeed. I miss them. We've tried to recreate those times, but well, it's tough without Dr. Amy and her poodles.

Who is Dr. Amy?

Nana's lover and doctor.

Yes, she could have been his gay lover, we were never sure. But something happened, they were to be married, donkey show and everything, but, well, Dr. Amy ran off with, I believe, a circus midget!!

It was about this time that Nana deleted his old posts. Too much pain, too many reminders.

We understand Nana, we truely do, I still wished you hadn't deleted even the backups of the backup.


Happy V-D!! ~kiss kiss smooch smooch~



**Wanders off**
If Joe had a meth lab in the back he'd have the trifecta. He might have one for all I know.
There are various shades of liberal when it comes to guns though, all the way from me to people who think we shouldn't be allowed anything more dangerous than a turkey baster. We do need sane, commonsense gun laws, but the ones who want to do away with them altogether puzzle me. Maybe they want to live in a country where the only people with weapons are government employees and criminals, but I'll take a pass on that one. If I wanted to live like that I'd move to Belgium or Byelorus and have done with it.
And yeah, I wish I hadn't deleted all those posts, over a hundred of 'em. As much or more than the posts themselves I miss the comment threads; they're irreplaceable.
**TEARS** Yeah, me and nana-cakes go back a generation or five!!! We tried to pass along the information people can truely use, like the best way to make love to a candiru catfish, where the best coke can be scored if you need to score it from a Irish hooker named Bob, and of course, where do anal beads go when they die?

There's a few folks who like to try and keep up with us, namely Ed I Tor, but 99.9 percent of the time, Ed drops off at about 2:35 am, when the speed wears off.

Always buy your speed from Crank's House of Pancakes. ~nodding~

Someday, I'll tell you about the time, nana-cakes, Tr igsatits, Beaver Smooch and I went to California for some underwear, and ended up in a boy's band in 1998.

I miss Beaver Smooch. She was a nice lady who, when she shaved her beard, was a good kisser.

Happy VD Tink! Maybe this year you'll get that chlamydia you've been hoping for; nothing says love like a copious pustulent discharge. And yeah, those were the days weren't they? I think Beaversmooch was actually Trig's alter ego though, or maybe Cap'n Mojo's. I know she wasn't me 'cause I wrote better than that, not that I'm bragging or anything, my day in the sun will come once Ed sees this post still in the feed and sends Arianna Huffington over to have a look.

Hey, it's that time of night when the monitor starts looking all wavey!

There's a sparkly unicorn!

McAdoo, there's still a lot of good folk in OS, including new people coming in all the time; it's just a matter of luring them into your blog with titles like MY NEUROSIS CAN KICK YOUR DYSFUNCTION'S ASS! or YOUR TWISTED LOVE MADE ME SNUFF THIS BUNNY!
If you'd asked earlier I could have told you what you were going to post you nutter - being 6 or 7 hours ahead on Greenwich Mean Time means I can avoid bullets and run faster than a moving train - well limp faster - not that I've ever seen a train limp.

You've obvi@arsely tried it but if you bury that rifle in sand and dig it up next war - i mean year - it'll still work - unlike the H&K.
Been a long time since I could get five rounds in the bull or an old english penny at hundred yards with a Royal Enfield 303.

Men n toys. Tut Tut Tut

Why's there not more VENOM on these comments - you're slipping mySon....?
My apologies Creekend; I have a hard time sustaining the venom flow for extended periods. Then too, I'm halluciminating from this monitor screen and I may be coming down with the flu and my feet are kinda cold. You caught me as I was off to bed actually, even though you Limey bastards have already et your bangers and mash and are going about your daily rounds in the misty glow of the gas lamps.
You're right about my SKS; it's half a century old but still as reliable as the day it came off the factory floor in Guangzhou. Now, your Enfield's a distinguished, dignified sweetheart of a rifle, but I like a gatt where I pull the trigger and lead comes out the nozzle 'til I stop.

Please don't miss my forthcoming post, to be titled UNLIKE THIS RABBIT, MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER DIE! It's a lead pipe cinch to take the Pulitzer Prize.
Just the EP Emily was looking for this morning. Nice Hemingway head BTW.

Just read the comments and Kim has raised a good point. I never thought about the bugs. Some of them may be friendlies. Oh, what to do, what to do?
Ain't nothing like shotting a gun to get you in the mood for.......shooting is American as apple pie dear....
Has there been a dustup this weekend here Nana?? I have been out enjoying nature for a while........
The first time I ever shot a deer rifle it knocked me on my arse. I was 13 and I was still a bit of a tom boy. My best friend and cousin I ran around with were both boys. They had just shot my step-fathers new deer rifle and I said, of course, "If they can do it, I can too."

So with glee and giggles they handed it to me. I had started target practice when I was around 8, with much supervision. Anyhow the thing knocked me on my arse and left me with a huge bruise. This does not mean I did not try it again. :-)

Have you ever read the history of Maxim Machine Gun? It is a very interesting read.
I have a sign on my garage facing the entrance from the road that says, WELCOME, BRING YOUR GUN. I don't really mean it though... I picked it up at a garage sale to give visitors a chuckle. I do have a World War 2 rifle under my bed, which my husband thought might come in useful in case of burglars (as a substitute for a baseball bat, I guess).
Correction: The Willie song was Always On My Mind; it was late. Sorry, Willie.
And you told me "I" was a nutter .
I look fwd to you forthcoming post, to be titled UNLIKE THIS RABBIT, MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER DIE.

My dosh is on the Bunnie - check out Y'all Tube for our Brit instructional video entitled
Killer Bunny and the Holy Grenade of Antioch BEFORE you choose which sword to use.
Yes I know - I'm hear to help.
Happy Valentines Day! Love the avatar.
cause I love shooting and because my glock has a trigger operated laser sight !!
Weasels belong to the genus Mustela, which in Latin means "weasel," which in turn is a modernised form of weosule, Old English, or in the Germanic, wisand, for "stinking animal." Yeah. That's it.
Matt, they died doing what they loved most and that's what matters.

Mission, just the usual weekend encounter with one of our more prominent legal weasels. I guess she was having another fit today, showing more of her true colors. She's just a really really sick, sad person.

VW, perseverance is an indication of strong character. And yeah, I know about the Maxim gun, it's famous, but I haven't read the book. I will look for it.

Myriad, guns make a perfectly fine substitute for a baseball bat, though an expensive one. Get some bullets for that thing!

Margaret, anything by Willie works for me.

Creeky, you know of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch? You are a scholar sir!

Happy Valentine's Zuma! It's over here but you've got a half hour or so left where you are.

Idelible Ink, I'm glad you enjoyed the thread. We have fun sometimes. Never pointing a gun at anyone, ever, is step one of gun safety. But you obviously knew that. We do need a way to keep 'em out of the hands of the wrong people but they haven't invented a system for that yet, more's the pity.

White and Black, I want laser sights too. One of these days...

BOKO, "stinking" sums it up perfectly as long as we add "frothing at the mouth."
A weasel, eh? I can guess the one. It was kicking up quite a dust cloud today, something about penis extensions and hateful bureaucrats and men raping everyone. I'm thinking it must have a few personal problems.
That's a great idea. There is an annual or twice-annual gathering in Tennessee called the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot, but it's unfortunately an event heavily attended by the Tea Party and assorted militia and hate groups. We need a liberal counterpart to that, though I'm guessing it wouldn't have anywhere near the attendance Knob Creek gets. It's unfortunate that so many liberals are against guns, often stridently so.

Those are all classic weapons on your list, though I'm APPALLED you left out the Uzi. ;-) The rifle in the photos and video on this post is a Norinco (that's Chinese) SKS 7.62 mm semi-automatic carbine, direct descendant of the StG 44 and predecessor to the AK-47. I bought it as the original version with maple stock and 1o-round hinged magazine, but I've since retrofitted it with an impact-resistant black folding stock and 20-round Tapco magazines. I also have Promag 30-round magazines (they're adapted from the ones used for AKs) but they aren't as reliable as the Tapcos. The net effect is a weapon equivalent to an AK-47 but at about half the expense. Regarding black powder, I used to have a beautiful Hawken gun, the .50 caliber rifled cap-and-ball carbine favored by mountain men in the early 1800s. It kicked like a mule but was quite accurate if you could keep from flinching as you pulled the trigger.
Hi Drew, I didn't see you up there. I made this post because the weasel likes to take things that are matters of public record and present them in a manner that makes it seem she has *discovered* some sort of wrong-doing. In my case she kept harping on a previous post of mine which included a picture of me with a rifle and a reference to a blogger who, because he's a coward, had started a discussion on his blog then closed comments. The implication she kept making was not only that I was somehow hiding the fact of the post (never mind that it's on my blog for anyone to see any time they like) but that I'm also some sort of Jared Loughner-type person. In one comment - and possibly others I haven't seen - she actually referenced me right alongside the shooting of Gabby Gifford in an obvious attempt to conflate me with a mass murderer. The woman is a smear artist and a distorter of truth and a pathological liar of epic proportions. She is also basically a spammer, disguising her promotion of a company which makes GPS tracking devices as advocacy for kidnapped children and other victims of abuse. What amazes me is that so many seemingly intelligent people fall for that weasle's self-serving horseshit.
what happened to your ode to a crazy chick? did you delete it?

all of my guns are cyber- it's cheaper to reload that way
damn it, my friend, you and your brother are getting good at deleting posts where I get all serious and stuff about love, drugs and apple sauce!!

Bad Pal brothers!! You two get spankings!! WAAAAA!!!
Hi Julie. I did delete it. Don't know what I was thinking, posting something like that. You are right though; cyber ammo is way cheaper.

I know, Tink, it was a fun thread, especially when you got all serious and told about when you met the young Dolly Parton in Butt, Montana. How was I supposed to know you weren't making that one up?
There is just something about men with guns.
Remember that fella that you almost shot when he tried to break in to your house? I do.


I wasn't gonna shoot him; he just needed to go away, and he knew that.
I only break it out on special occasions. I hope things have dried out there; for a while I was picturing you building an ark and floating off with pairs of grateful kangaroos and koalas and wombats as your crew.
It was pretty close. Moving to Brisbane... not one of my better ideas.
The timing on your move was almost surrealistically bad. :( But it's drying out now and Brisbane is nice, I've heard. Tony Bourdain went there on his food show and there's good eats all over the place.
I was talking with a friend of mine about this very thing today. Teapartiers and Libtards somehow imagine that Liberals hate guns, and the only time they'd get near one is if it was pointed at them.

Sort of reminds me of the attitude Southerners had before the Civil War. They were convinced it would soon be over 'cause Yankees couldn't or wouldn't fight. They should have listened to Sam "Tennessee" Houston -- and yes, he was a big deal in TN long before he lit out for Texas. Sam said:

"I declare that civil war is inevitable and is near at hand. When it comes the descendants of the heros of Lexington and Bunker Hill will be found equal in patriotism, courage and heroic endurance with the descendants of the heroes of Cowpens and Yorktown. For this reason I predict the civil war which is now at hand will be stubborn and of long duration."

Teapartiers should stake heed, but they seem bound and determined to follow the advice of that phony chickenhawk Texan instead: "Bring it on".

Careful what you wish for.
That's something I've noticed about the Tea Party and their fellow travellers; they have this belief that talking about guns and "2nd Amendment Solutions" and so forth frightens the opposition. If it came down to it they'd soon find that all their personal arsenals and avowed willingness to use deadly force would rapidly provoke a determined, ruthless response from people they like to imagine are too *nice* to be violent. Hitler made a similar mistake in '39, as have plenty of others who think democracy/liberalism will roll over and die if you say "boo" to it.
nana, it's okay, ~hug~ I forgive you. I even find you new lady love!! Woooo!!!

I need to write more serious stuff, be like, I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO MY RIGHT HAND IN 1983. It was awesome. I was the best lover I ever had.

I wonder whatever happened to me? I probably ended up in prison in France. I was a bad boy, with a heart of gold, or steel, or plastic barbie pieces melted down to form a heart.

God, I'm depressing myself right now. Skater Boi is playing right now in my CD mix. TEARS!! I was a Skater Boi right up till I fell off my skate board when I was 3 and skinned my knee!! Stupid skate board.

Stupid skates.

Roller and ice.


~hug~ Don't let the Brown Recluse back in the house. EEK!!

~wanders off~
**hugs to Natalie**

You're beautiful!!!

**Wanders back out**
It's too late Tink, the brown recluse already had babies, I see them every now and then, and the basement is full of black widows for that matter. I need to clean it up but their neurotoxic venom, latrotoxin, causes localized or generalized severe muscle cramps, abdominal pain, weakness, and tremor. Large muscle groups (such as shoulder or back) are often affected, resulting in considerable pain. In severe cases, nausea, vomiting, fainting, dizziness, chest pain, and respiratory difficulties may follow. Eeek!

Don't feel bad, "Skater Boy" makes me cry too.

He wanted her, she'd never tell
secretly she wanted him as well
but all of her friends, stuck up their nose
they had a problem with his baggy clothes.

::weeping uncontrollably, my mascara running and getting all goopy::
"but their neurotoxic venom, latrotoxin, causes localized or generalized severe muscle cramps, abdominal pain, weakness, and tremor. Large muscle groups (such as shoulder or back) are often affected, resulting in considerable pain. In severe cases, nausea, vomiting, fainting, dizziness, chest pain, and respiratory difficulties may follow. Eeek! "

Damn, is that the effects from the spiders or many of the pills these companies nowadays force down our throats?

"May cause thoughts of suicide!!"

Wait, isn't that what you're suppose to cure?? EEK!!

Where was I?

Oh yes, **TEARS** **runs off stage left**
It's the anal bleeding that gets me. I'd just as soon take my chances with insomnia if one of the side-effects of curing it is leakage from my fundament.
Yeah, that'd keep me up at night, scared and/or maybe ready for another date with the LA Lakers, anal bleeding!!


There's this ad for some birth control that is awesome as well, SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS HAVE BEEN REPORTED IN WOMEN WHO ARE PREGNANT OR COULD BECOME PREGNANT!

The side effects basically all lead to death if it happens so basically the birth control is you kill the mom!!! ~WOOO~

Wow this post digressed to anal bleeding????
have no clue what this post abt - but u seem to be in your elements :) u r funny.

and it feels good to be back and be part of all this madness once more - might have missed this altogether if we hadn't talked that time. TY, Nana.
McAdoo, Tink, White and Black; I'm both saddened and deeply moved that my anal bleeding remark has struck such a chord. Please stay tuned for my next post, "Heartbreak and Hemorrhoids: Love and Loss in the Information Age."

Hi Nabina! Drop by whenever you feel like talking, OK?
I have a new lover--well, not that new, I just haven't been around much lately. Anyway, he's got a gun cabinet full of rifles and shotguns. I can barely pick up the damn things, and I can hardly reach the trigger. I have learned to my humiliation that i can't hold or fire a gun built for grownups. However, I have also learned that you can buy rifles and shotguns for kids, and people like me. Whee! I want me a child-sized shotgun.

I don't think turkey basters are safer than guns. They can make you preggers. No, not safe at all.
Well I'll be damned; it's Sirenita Lake! I should do more posts consisting of a pissed-off paragraph and a random assortment of firearm imagery; this one has summoned forth dear friends I haven't seen in, like, forever. I didn't know they made scaled down guns but I'm sure you'd be deadly - and sexy as hell - with a miniature Mossberg 12-gauge.
Ooh, I want a mini mossberg. You didn't think I forgot you, didya? I've suffered several disorders, including sex mania, writer's block, and this spinal thing for which I had surgery in Dec. Then again in Jan to correct a horrible complication. But I've been thinking of you and that reprobate brother of yours always. Always.
Been thinking of you too, and always. I knew about the sex mania (heeheehee!) and the writer's block and the Dec. surgery but not about the complication. Please drop by in IM or in a message or phone call when you get a chance and get me up to speed on how you are. We can talk miniature shotguns and reminisce about those halcyon days drifting and dreaming in the tide pools. ;-)
Ah, the tide pools. Last place in the world where anything can bother you. Yes, we need to chat. Maybe later today?
So it is written, so shall it be.
For the multitudes who are wondering; I've added another video. The commentator is my nephew, the guy struggling with the M-1 is a friend of his known as Big Head, and that's me toward the end there firing a 12-gauge.
How coveted an honor is that - a rare, delayed EP. And all new and improved with extra video!!!. Oh my goodness the suspense is going to kill me. I'm at work and can't access this due to my company's stupid employee-unfriendly restrictions like no YouTube no ebay and no internet porn. Well at least I have something to look forward to.
They only give the Delayed EP in especially meritorious circumstances. You've got a treat ahead of you though; I'm wearing my biker jacket in the video. Yes, it's real leather and there's zippers all over the damn thing, and no, I've never been on a Harley in my life. Who are you to judge me?
Biker jacket, huh? If you say so. Hard to tell since you can barely see it. I didn't notice even one zipper. I guess I was expecting something more like what they wear on "Sons of Anarchy." And were you guys shooting Nazis or the more dangerous and difficult to kill Nazi zombies.
There you go again, casting aspersions. Of course it's a biker jacket; what, you think I'd own one of those effeminate little Euro/yuppie leathers? You might as well be wearing a satin teddy if a Nazi zombie gets to gnawing on you. It's the same jacket I have on in the second and third pic; you can see some of the zippers in those shots.
I would NEVER cast an aspersion! I've never had one and I certainly wouldn't cast it if I did. And as far as you owning Euro/yuppie leathers and wearing them over satin teddies, well who am I to judge? Whatever floats your boat. But since it's the jacket in the other pictures, you've redeemed yourself. Now that's a jacket.
I only wear silk or latex lingerie, depending on the mood. Kpffft.
IQ the prodigal AWOL-er! Yes, I added another shooting vid; I think it was the additional guns that garnered me the EP. Sometimes you just have to double down if you want results.
Silk or latex! How come I was thinking chain mail?
Nana you really need to write an new post for us to go off topic and gutter on..scrolling to the top of this beast to post a comment is too taxing for my lazy ass.. :>
I know IQ, "prodigal AWOLer" is a cumbersome phrase; try saying three times fast. Or just talk that Fran-sayz, actually, it's très elegant. And Margaret, no one wears chainmail anymore; Kevlar is the thing, better at repelling zombies and it doesn't chafe.
W&B; IQ is right. It wouldn't matter whether the post was pictures of guns or a discussion of De Tocqueville's brilliant analysis of 19th century American democracy; no matter how I try people turn the thread into an exercise in scatological off-topicness. I did change the title and add another shooting vid though.
"No one wears chain mail anymore." Well sorrrr-eeeee for being so behind the times. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.
Romance isn't totally dead; there's still a place for chainmail, just not on dudes.
I wouldn't argue either point; I'd tend to agree.
I wasn't complaining about the off topic-ness I was just complaining about having to scroll up the page 10 miles to post my complaints..
Margaret, a case in point is Princess Leia's metal bikini. Not chainmail exactly but still very artful. I once did a post where people got to nominate their favorite from among several women posing in Leia costumes; the disturbing thing is that Tink was the winner.

W&B, the scrolling does get wearisome. :(
nana - I've been meaning to ask you...are you related to FPSRussia? The kid's a hoot. Look him up on Youtube. I can't decide where his politics really lie...ah, well, what's to be done?
Thanks for pointing me in his direction; I wish I had gatts as cool as his! My favorite so far is his demonstration of the Thompson SMG and the WWII grease gun; sometimes the old ways are the best ways.
What a trip down memory lane! I used to have a bikini similar to Princes Leia's. However, I don't doubt Tink wore it better. But I have two questions: Why, exactly, did Jabba the Hutt make Princess Leia wear that thing? That always puzzled me. And what is a gatt? No need to rush the answers - I've got to go scream at my mother.
For Jabba it was a prestige thing more than an erotic thing; nothing says "Success" like having a scantily clad princess chained to your couch. Or maybe it was more than that. George Lucas didn't explore that angle much and it's probably just as well; he'd have endangered the PG rating otherwise. Gatt ("gat," actually) is slang for a pistol, though I use it for any firearm.

Please shriek hello to your mother for me.
NANA!!!!! WTF???? are you never gonna put up a new post ya' lazy fucker?? Scrolling up 166 some odd comments to comment via an iphone fucking sucks and blows dammit!!! I'm gonna boycot protest and hold up signs that say "GOD hates Long Comment Threads!"
Now now, it's not the length of the comment thread; it's how you use it. At least, that's what people with short comment threads say.
Well then Nana, you got yourself one long, entertaining, wildly satisfying, comment thread... So now I guess the question is... What are you gonna do with it??

Wait.. What? ;P
What am I gonna do with it? The hokey-pokey, of course.

I think Tink is a bad influence on you. :|
I am with w&b; this thing is out of control. But since it took so long to scroll to the bottom and I had plenty of time to think, I came up with a great promotional campaign for the NRA, kind of like the Got Milk? ads. How about Got Gat? Pictures of mothers and children with guns, in all the womens' magazines. Gonna call Sarah right now.
I think you're onto something Margaret. Our ad campaign will include videos like this:

I've added it to the post. We need more woman-oriented gun imagery.
Wow , I can take a hint... (=/

I guess that's my cue to go back to my own blog and leave you to put your right foot in ...and shake it all about
Tink, a bad influence?

ALWAYS!!! Teeheehee!!

**Wanders off in search for Lindsay Lohan pics for Major Mojo** Teeheehee!!
No no W&B, that's not what I meant at all! Do you have any videos of you shooting guns? I'm trying to make this post more femi-centric.

Tink, don't tease Major with Lindsay any more, he's gonna blow a gasket one of these times.
That is quite a compelling video...and you've added it to the lineup! And it looks like way more fun than a boring old day at the beach. "Once you start shooting, you can't think of anything else. You just want to kill them all. And I did." She wasn't worried about her tan or ruining her nails or anything. I had no idea there was this whole thing going on with women in bikinis shooting giant guns. I am definitely reading the wrong magazines.
I guess you're right!! Mojo might go boom and well, his wifey has told me, NO MORE LINDSAY, IT MAKES HIM RUN OUTSIDE NAKED AND MOLEST THE TREES!!

Nothing worse than a tree molestor.

How about a tribute to Air Supply?

I think I might!!
No videos yet... Man that gun had her butt cheeks clapping lol..
Right now for the time being i got my glocks locked up so i don't go postal on my ex boss.. And my remnington 1100 I am thinking of selling, my son and I have been playing around with airsoft guns.. He got all butt hurt when i shot him in the ass with a frozen paintball while he was mowing the lawn ... Oopsie
That video reminds me of that scene in Jackie Brown where robert deniro and samuel l jackson are whatching that video of the bikini girls shooting assault riffles and samuel says "when you absolutely got to kill every motherfucker in the place, accept no substitute!!"
Nothing says 'Howdy' like a mother shooting her son in the ass!! ~boohoohoo~

Margaret, the "bikini girls with guns" subculture is a fascinating sociological phenomena. The Cramps even had a song about it which I've now added. I'm all about empowerment for my sistren.

W&B, that's one of my favorite movies, and that line is classic Samuel L. Jackson. There are actually better guns for killing every motherfucker in the room but they cost way more than a AK.

Tink, maybe your Air Suppy tribute should include a public service message about not shooting people with frozen paint balls.
He was shocked that I shot him.. Lil focker was mouthing off cause I asked him to do yard work when he wanted to go paint balling with his buddies.. So I paint balled him right in the ass with his own gun.. Now we do airsoft.. More fun smaller welts!!! Easier to carry ammo
I feel like I've entered a parallel universe every time I come here.

w&b, you own guns? Do you shoot them in your bikini? And Tink, don't tell me your mother never did that to you - isn't that how a boy becomes a man, when his own mother shoots him?

Nana: If you're going for femi-centric (femi-centric?) you need music. Here's one to get you started:

Oh God he beat me to it. The Cramps are femi-centric? I can tell you the first thing that comes to mind when I see "The Cramps" - and it's not music.
Hey Nana "don't mess with my levels I got them set how I like them"
"that's beumont , he's an employee I had to let go"
Margrette--- ya baby i'm strapped! I got a 45cal glock with trigger laser sight a 9mm glock with a grip activated laser sight, remnington 12 gauge shotgun an 18 gauge shotgun a 30/30 for huntin' and a crossbow .. I am a lil too old to rock the bikini with any confidense but gimme a tube top and i'm black&white trash!!! Lol
Margaret, I've added some Nashville Pussy. That one's got not only guns and bikini chicks but drugs as well. It's the trifecta, and no band does a better mosh pit.


Ordell: Is she dead, yes or no?

Louis: Pretty much.
Melanie: is it o er there lewwissss it is over here lewissss
Well, if I start to talk about what mothers can do to sons to make them into men, well, this will become too dangerous of a subject and we'll all be arrested for uh, possession with the intent to sell!!

Or something.

So yeah, shooting them in the butt with frozen paint balls will surely turn them into men, if you yell and say, "TURN AROUND..." and shoot them in the testicles, then, you'll be sure not to be grandmother!!!

Trust me!!

This has strayed so far from my original idea that I don't even remember what it was.
That cramps video made me want to bust out my go go boots and tittie tassels... Tink has tittie tassels ive peeked and seen him twirling em... Huh tinky??? You bad bad kitty!
Ordell: My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.

That's not true Tink; them things will regenerate if you sprinkle Mountain Dew on 'em. And Margaret, we were talking femicentric values, i.e., chix with guns.
It's true, Tink believes you can never have too many accessories.
He also has 8 nipples; once he gets those tassles twirlin' it's something to behold.
Here's a funny story. Sort of. Last year my son decided to throw himself an 11th birthday party. Without telling me. On a night I worked. He told everyone to bring their airsoft guns so they could have a war. I got angry phone messages at work. I spent the next day returning calls and apologizing. Some kids got shot, but thankfully, not in the testicles. And no lasting scars.
It was quite grown-up of him to take that responsibility on himself. Your time is too valuable to waste on party-planning details.
Oh my yes, just like you can't have too many lovers!! Teeheehee!!

Right now, I'm writing my newest blog entry, I JUST WANT TO USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT...WOO OOO OOO!!

Titty tassels are the greatest inventions since Crotchless Panties for Donkeys.

Good times!!!


I miss Doctor Tim. He was the best.

What were we talking about????

Oh yeah, chaps with the ass cut out!! BEST THING EVER!!
Margarette---appologizing?? For what ? Thier kids being bad shots? Pussies!!! There's no crying in airsoft.. Until u get the high velocity automatic assault rifles we got! Lol we have airsoft rifles that will shoot the bb's hard enough to put holes through clothing and embed in the skin.. We gear up in cammo w/ full face skull masks that have built i goggles eye protection.. My sonand my nephew organized a all girl bikini pool party at lake shasta when they were 14 and had a miss shasta contest with a kissing competition showdown between the two fi alists.. .. I thought we were gonna get thrown out of the campgrounds or lynched by angry parents
Oh my, yes, such actions should be praised, not punished! I mean when I was 11, I was scoring my own hits of acid, my mother was so proud.

My own father was so proud, he ran away, never to return!! I think he had so many people to tell!! ~boohoohoo~
Tink is right; crotchless panties make it much easier to pin the tail on the donkey, so to speak, and assless chaps allow greater ventilation to the taint area, thus cutting down on crotch rot.

W&B, it sounds like y'all have quite a time up there by Mt. Shasta.
My cousin and I had a kissing contest. I won. He said I was the best kisser he ever kissed!!

That's quite touching, Tink, and it restores my faith in traditional values. Some things are best kept in the family.
Well Nana , anything worth doing is worth doing till the cops get called or a brawl breaks out..!!! Then it's time to scatter, regroup and restart the party as soon as they leave!!

Funny part is us camping at lakehead campgrounds at shasta which is like 10mins from our house and the campgrounds had the infamous pool where my son and nephew held thier miss shasta competition the saddest camper award went to 3 guys from sf bay area who brought a big screen tv and playstation campi g ?? Why bother????
Yeah, nothing says 'FAMILY VALUES' like kissing cousins, or fondling grandma!!!

Did I ever tell you about the time me and my sister went camping? It was awesome!

Who says you can't have two bodies in a sleeping bag and not have enough room to move? Teeheehee!!
Margrett??? Did you bail on us?? Tink? Did you kittynap margrette? Or dis we get too crass? We should probably to e it down a notch before Tink scares her off for good.. I like her a lot.. Can we keep margrette pleeeeeze!!!!!?!
Amen to why bother camping with the contents of your living room along for the ride, and even more to why bother partying if there's no chance of it devolving into mayhem and serious, possibly criminal debauchery.
w&b, Thanks for helping me put this traumatic even in perspective. His 12th - wait 13th, OMG I don't even know my own kid's age - last year it was his 12th, not 11th - and I will make sure I at least know what kinds of weapons he's instructed everyone to bring.

Tink, what is going on over the border that I don't know about? Donkeys wearing crotchless panties and titty tassles? LSD for everyone? Ohio's such a drag. All they can talk about here is stupid boring Senate bill 5. And your kissing cousin - did he make a man out of you or was it the other way around?

And I'm sorry to hear about the crotch rot, Nana. Is it worse than jock itch?
Tink! Are you sure you don't live in West Virginia?
Margaret's still here, it's just in Ohio, life is a bit slower! In Indiana, we like rock or something!! WOOOO!! ;D

M, oh my yes, Indiana we kiss our cousins, take some E, then lie down in the tall grass and stare at the sun till our retinas are burned out, or close enough to almost not be able to see, we then write about our feelings, of lost love, time gained, and a girl named Sid, who we loved very much until we found out she was a he and well, in Indiana, it's okay to screw your sister, but try that with your brother and wham, GAY LOVE IS BAD!! GOD HATES FAGS!!!

And yelling back, "God doesn't hate cigarettes!" just confuses the hell out of them folks from Hilly Hares Methodist Church. They have to run off to Google and discover that a man sucking your dick doesn't make you gay, but the guy sucking your dick.

You need to come over to Indiana, LSD is like free, the governor just gives it away, so we'll vote for his sorry ass the next time. I know I won't vote for him but well, free drugs is free drugs!!

Margarette --- the key to good airsoft party is making sure guns are evenly matched, every one has safety eyewear , full sleeves and understands it will sting when hit.. Any crybabys who don't want to play should be cut from the guest list, no guns without orange tips allowed.. And capture the flag rocks!! Oh and a neutral party or u pick the teams no bullying that way!
Tink, yet again you've moved me to that place somewhere between teary-eyed wistfulness and outright disgust. Thank you my friend!

Look W&B, Margaret's back, but you can only keep her if you feed her.

Margaret, I don't know, I only read about it in Soldier of Fortune, or maybe it was Elle. I get them confused sometime.
W. VA wants me, but they can't have me, I'm saving myself for Alabama!! Wooooo!!!

nana, ~tears~ You're welcome!!!!!!

By the way, how's that brother of yours getting on the Cover?? I mean, I've done a few things myself to try and get on there, and all I got was a blister on me lips!!!


Oh well, back to the subject on hand, does this blister look infected to you?

Hurts like hell!!!! GAWD!
Not West Virginia Tink, everyone there is my relative. It could affect our friendship.

That machinegun really did get that girl's buns going didn't it? Damn.
Made me wanna stuff dollar bills in those bottoms (=>
oh yes mamma likes lap dances from hot strippers

Wait what? ;D
Yeah, not W.Va, cause well, I don't have enough relatives there for a dating pool.

I got some in Minnesota, but they're mostly married and don't believe in cheating on their spouses.

There's some in Washington State and Oregon, but, well, they kind of pyschotic in that not nice way, like instead of killing bunnies, they cut your nuts off and feed them to ya!! EEK!!

No salt even!! EWWWWWW!

California is a good choice except well, no family there by blood, mostly just 'I COULD BE YOUR DAUGHTER, IF YOU WANT...' no thanks....cost too much extra!!!

I think I'll stick around in Indiana.....nice fields, lots of air space to fly my rocket into.......lots of cows to tip....giggle....
Where do you buy his guns? I am sick of the smelly military outlet store we have to go to. Although there's a cool ghillie suit I have my eye on.

Don't want to know where the blister came from - I hope not from kissing your cousin or a donkey in crotchless panties - and I rated your post btw.

How come there's no videos of men in Speedos shooting guns? Why has no one asked this question yet?
w&b, you should have your own advice column!! TEARS. :D

Remember kids, shoving pennies into a stripper's ass crack might sound like fun, and it is, but well........yeah, go ahead.....;D
M, I seen!! I also changed the title, cause I thought William Shatner might attract Ed I Tor in for a read. ~nodding~

I think the blister came from going outside and kissing the street.

Rock salt, pffffffffft!!!!

And well, I bet you could fill your lustful heart full of men in speedos shooting guns by going to Google!! Google has everything!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!! :D
We get my son John's guns online and at a local airsoft store here in town i'll pm u the websites he uses.. Crap we paid 100 bucks for a kick ass gillie suit that looks like ur wearing a big green tumble weed,, the skull facemasks are cool too because the arevented and resist fogging vut rainex works in a pinch with goggles

Nighty night my lil frienemies im off to bed!!
I'm flagging every one of you. This post's received 60 comments in the last couple hours and not one rate or even a "Like" on Facebook. Kpffft.
Night w&b!! ~pinches her ass~

nana, it's okay, I already flagged ya again!! Ed I Tor needs to be made aware of your something something misuse of something!! BAD NANA!!!! Get a spanking if you're lucky and a stay at a Howard Johnson if you're really lucky!!

There, you should get plenty of hits now from Google(which right now is strangely forwarding to Google.MEXICO when I attempt to go there!! Weird!!)

The Cubans will hit it hard!! Especially when I mention, HOOKERS WITH BIG MUSTACHES!!!
The Cubans will never notice me, to them I'm just another Yanqui gringo oppressor. All the mustachioed hookers in the world won't change that, nor even my startlingly well-groomed bikini zone.
See, my friend, that is why you do not get the Cubans, they like the bush, way up past your eye brows.

Now if you want the Brasil action, always trim ze bush down to your liver, then write about passion(fruit) and how much you love to samba with your macarena and your sister's cousin's brother's mother's friend Sichey Rodrigez!! ALALALALALALA!!

I remember a time when Sichey and I did lines of cocaine and then sat on the beach till the sun came up and we laughed till we stopped and then, as an after thought, we made love till mid afternoon, then we stopped and drank some wine and ate some bread and did more cocaine and then we made love again, then we stop....

Ahhh, Sichey, where are you now? Oh yeah, the convent!!

I turned Sichey into a nun!!!

Always remember my friend, if you want some nation to come to you, you have to give them something, like fresh fruit, diseased hams, or a plunk of your pubic hairs so they can place them into a locket where they can show the grandchildren. It is all fair in love and war, and itchy balls.
Okay, I've re-rated ya and also removed ya as a favorite, cause the little voices in my head told me I should, and then re-added you so you're back on top, where you belong, aimming your gun at those who come across Tink, this will keep out those who are not ready to feel the full wrath of ze Tink!!!

Also, I flagged you again cause yeah, we want more poetry and pictures and stories about your mama, your papa, and your cousins and your sisters and your brothers and that guy down the street, with the sign that reads, "PEACE IS ONLY ANOTHER WORD FOR WAR WITHOUT BOMBINGS!"

I love that guy!!!!!
Damn, for some reason, when I removed ya as a favorite and readded you, Kerry jumped up to No.1 friend and it showed you as still being unfavorited. So re-favored and now it looks like you're getting ready to shoot Kerry in the face.


I'm having too much with my social experiment!! Teeheehee!! You're going to shoot Kerry in the face with your big load!!
IQ, the last photo essay I did Mr. Fett called it "fluff." Why's he gotta crack on me like that? I do have 6 or 7 drafts I've started since publishing this post but I need someone to arrange the paragraphs for me.
And Tink, why'd you have to bring up Sichey? I haven't been the same since he joined the Little Sisters of Perpetual Dysentery. Please remember, never point your weapon at someone unless you plan on firing it.
You remember the apocalypse avatar? I liked that one; it was the first pic I used in OS.
Damn you human types!! Making a mockery of Kerry and loads to his face!! We should be respectable to our Lord and Savior and giver of bananas when the other folks don't even give us the time of the day!!

Shame on you all!!


And what's wrong with writing poetry? Have we lost our romantic values to replace them with stories about transsexual hookers and how they made us bread pudding in December?

Shame!! Shame!!

BRING BACK POETRY, and stories of love between two men and their yak!! There is no sin in loving a yak, and the only sin of taking another man to bed as you would a woman is in the bible and who the hell sticks to those rules anymore anyways, besides them Republican bible thumpers, and they're usually the ones who get caught in the restrooms with some teenage boy sucking on their dick!!!


Did I rate this yet?

I have no clue!! Let me go see now and try to rate it!!

Flagged for shamefulliness!!!
Angry Monkey, please don't shame me, I'd never make mockery of a load to someone's face. We mustn't forget what Dick Cheney did, blasting that judge right amidships for the good of our country (and not in a Ron Jeremy kind of way).

IQ, how did you know about my camo bikini? You must have run across this post somehow:

Indecent indeed, and you can imagine my shock when I first saw it. How did she do it you ask? Freaky isn't constrained by the laws of the space-time continuum; it's one of the advantages of living in the bottom of a purse.
Dick Cheney is a man's hunter, shotgun blast to the face and the guy who got the load to the face is the one who apologizes!! MY GOD MAN!!!!

Dick should run for Dictator for Life!!!! Possibly Brasil or France or someplace cool like that.

U.S.of A is too lame for him, not enough balls in this country to make it worth his time to run it like it should be ran, as a police state, with monitors on every blogger here, except for me, cause well, I'm a monkey, you don't monitor monkeys!! GAWD!!!!!
Man, that monkey is angry!! EEK!!!
Holy mother of god. You get more mileage out of one short post than I do out of a month's worth of long ones. With no pictures or videos. I am going to have to give the latest cerebral, intellectually charged exchanges that occurred after I stumbled off into the darkness some careful consideration and then return.
I wish that monkey wasn't so angry. :( And didn't Margaret say she was gonna return?

OK, I'm setting jokes aside for a moment to say something serious. I posted it already on Trig's blog, and it was deleted from the weasel's, but it bears repeating:

It is ironic that Bonnie Russell, who loudly and ceaselessly proclaims to all listeners that anonymity is only used by cowards and scoundrels, is engaged in defaming people while incognito, as witnessed by a comment of hers in TMZ and who knows how many other remarks I haven't yet found. In response she will claim (already has, in fact) that she is being bullied, that she's an innocent victim of unjustified attacks, but that's a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Anyone who was around when Ms. Russell first joined OS remembers that she made her debut here by ruthlessly harassing one of the most harmless and gentle people on this site. My initial interactions with her, which soon grew quite unpleasant, were in response to that episode. More importantly, said confrontations with Ms. Russell are a matter of public record and took place in a forum where she had every opportunity to respond. And too, those confrontations occurred under a name I've used for two and a half years on this site; there has been no attempt on my part to hide them, neither the fact of them nor from whom they originated. This is in stark contrast to Ms. Russell's libelous remarks about me, made under assumed names on at least one site where any meaningful reply on my part is impossible.

It puzzles me that seemingly intelligent people are taken in by Bonnie's self-serving, venomous lies, though I'm not surprised that some aren't willing to call her on them. I have exchanged messages with many people who Ms. Russell has tried to mislead and/or intimidate. Most of them are, not to put too fine a point on it, afraid of her. That is understandable, given her demonstrated willingness to engage in character assassination and smear tactics. It's not just that Bonnie will attack in OS; it is that she has no scruples about making any scurrilous accusation that pops into her head on any website whatsoever against anyone who crosses her . Such actions have real consequences in the real world for those defamed by Ms. Russell's words. Please bear in mind: anyone who Bonnie is displeased with and who has used their real name in Open Salon (or whose name she has found out by other means) faces the risk of libel and defamation of character. Today it is myself and one or two others; tomorrow it could be you.

If anyone cares to debate this comment they're free to do so. Unlike Bonnie's M.O. of skulking around in the shadows slinging unanswerable accusations, I'm prepared to back up what I say.
Whew. Between the scrolling and the reading and the linking, just getting here is quite the workout. The new avatar is breathtaking, in a post-apocalyptic, Road Warrior kind of way. Although the rising/falling shorts one is also compelling. Is that a leash you're holding? Did you drown an animal?
I was walking my dogs, Pepper and Violet. We were at the Buffalo River in northern Arkansas, one of the most beautiful spots in the Midwest. Or it was beautiful, 'til Freaky depantsed me.
GnatsInHay isn't dignified but it beats a lot of the other preversions of my name people have used. It's amazing the lack of respect some people have for the Navajo language.
Regarding your more serious comments, here's a link that might be helpful to you. Good stuff and additional links as well:


And buried somewhere below, there was a comment about needing help arranging paragraphs. Oh reeeeaaalllyyyy? I happen to love arranging paragraphs even more than flowers or furniture. So if you need help, ahem, I could do that. Happily. Giddily even. In case you don't remember I still owe you a 4-leaf clover. They're not real abundant around these parts.
Thanks for the link Margaret; I hadn't heard of Mudflats' travails. I'm researching the topic so every bit of information is useful. Regarding paragraphs, I was making fun of Trig. He mentioned how on his Navy post Susan arranged the paragraphs for him so I was funnin' him for it. I do have quite a few drafts in various stages of disarray though. A short list:

The Battle of Blair Mountain, a coalminers' strike in W. Virginia in 1921 which turned into the largest armed insurrection in the U.S. since the Civil War. At one point, before the army stepped in, 10,000 - 20,000 coalminers were battling thousands of coal company guards and state police. I want to relate the story to class consciousness (or the lack of it) in American society and to our current anti-worker political climate.

Inverted Totalitarianism. It's a phrase coined by Sheldon Wolin in his book Democracy, Inc. As one review said: To reduce a complex argument to its bare bones, since the Depression, the twin forces of managed democracy and Superpower have opened the way for something new under the sun: "inverted totalitarianism," a form every bit as totalistic as the classical version but one based on internalized co-optation, the appearance of freedom, political disengagement rather than mass mobilization, and relying more on "private media" than on public agencies to disseminate propaganda that reinforces the official version of events. It is inverted because it does not require the use of coercion, police power and a messianic ideology as in the Nazi, Fascist and Stalinist versions (although note that the United States has the highest percentage of its citizens in prison -- 751 per 100,000 people -- of any nation on Earth). According to Wolin, inverted totalitarianism has "emerged imperceptibly, unpremeditatedly, and in seeming unbroken continuity with the nation's political traditions." The genius of our inverted totalitarian system "lies in wielding total power without appearing to, without establishing concentration camps, or enforcing ideological uniformity, or forcibly suppressing dissident elements so long as they remain ineffectual. A demotion in the status and stature of the 'sovereign people' to patient subjects is symptomatic of systemic change, from democracy as a method of 'popularizing' power to democracy as a brand name for a product marketable at home and marketable abroad. The new system, inverted totalitarianism, is one that professes the opposite of what, in fact, it is. The United States has become the showcase of how democracy can be managed without appearing to be suppressed."

Sounds like us don't it?

Afghanistan. The campaign season kicks off in a few weeks, and given that Obama's plan calls for us to begin drawing down troop levels in July and that Petraeus is resigning, this could be make or break time. Probably break.

Pictures of my cats. I have lots of cute kitty pictures I need to write captions for.

And so on and so forth. Please don't scoop me on any of these, I was speaking in strictest confidence.
Good early mornin' dear......
Well Mission, fancy seeing you in these parts. Mornin! :D
You sure are ambitious. I hadn't heard of the Battle of Blair Mountain. Had no idea. Lots of interesting angles you could take on all of these. Afghanistan will probably head toward civil war from what I know about it. And Taliban control.

Don't lose a minute's sleep over my scooping your ideas. I would never do that, unless you consider butting in and occasionally saying "hey look what I found that might help" to be scooping. Or "here's a human interest aspect you might want to consider." Hear that sound? That's the sound of the wheels in my brain turning, a dangerous noise if ever there was one.

As for the kitty pics (what a softy) why don't you post them and let other people write the captions then pick a winner. And what about Pepper and Violet? Why don't they get equal time? We just got a new kitten addition (without my permission) named Jimmy Lou. About 2lbs. and found shivering outside an NA meeting in the ghetto. Pitch black, tiny white paws, huge green eyes and he purrs constantly and loudly.
Went over and read Trigs post. wow. read what I wrote over there. This is serious shit happening.
That's the problem, Margaret, I'm often too ambitious. I've been working on the inverted totalitarianism thing for months now and I still haven't got it to where I want it. I may never. Jimmy Lou sounds cool though; even without permission it sounds like he was meant to be part of your family.

Mission, it is very serious indeed. I can't overstate how seriously I take it. Actions generate consequences, and those consequences can - and will - flow in both directions.
Jimmy Lou is cool but the problem is he's tipped the ratio in favor of animals to humans in my house. To me, this is only a good thing if you own a farm. Three dogs and two cats (the gerbil doesn't really count) means there are now more of THEM than US. Makes me nervous. And I still haven't gotten the giant talking bird I always wanted.

What are you looking to do with "inverted totalitarianism?" Do you want to promote Wolin's case that what passes for "democracy" in the U.S. is really a veneer for the melding of corporate and state governmental power into a system that's not so different from the totalitarian regimes of the past? If that's what you want to do, it seems to me your premise is one of democracy in trouble. Which it most definitely is. Personally, that's one of the reasons I find the protests in Wisconsin so heartening. To see people finally getting passionately worked up about something gives me hope that all is not lost. I like the first part of his title, "Democracy Inc." It's less high-concept than "inverted totalitarianism," which is a bit off-putting and it really sums things up.

The U.S. is supposed to be the gold standard for democracy but it's laughable considering how indifferent so much of the population is toward its own governance, and the way the Right has created a culture of fear starting with the "war on terrorism." Now it seems there's a war on everything but mainly Americans: busting unions, sending jobs overseas, companies downsizing, etc. People are scared. From what I can tell, Wolin makes a pretty good case for Americans turning into “a herd of timid and industrious animals of which the government is the shepherd.”

He sounds hilarious too: “No collective memory means no collective guilt; surely Mai Lai is the name of a rock star.”

You have so much to work with here and the ability to tie it in with current events.
"The Battle of Blair Mountain, a coalminers' strike in W. Virginia in 1921 which turned into the largest armed insurrection in the U.S. since the Civil War. At one point, before the army stepped in, 10,000 - 20,000 coalminers were battling thousands of coal company guards and state police."

I've been contemplating a post on that and the origin of the term 'redneck' for quite some time but it's just so much work. Plus, someone called me intellectually lazy on FB the other day and I was going to write a big, long rebuttal but that was too much work too.
Margaret, Wolin does bring a certain wry humor to his work. Gallows humor I guess it would be. And yes, the premise of the post is one of democracy in trouble. Or rather, of democracy lost. The disturbing thing about the book is that it isn't describing something which might happen in the future; it's describing what has already come to pass. While the strikes in Wisconsin and other places are encouraging, it's hard to avoid a sense that democracy in this country, to the extent that it ever existed, is a thing of the past. Corporate power pervades every aspect of our lives to such an extent that we're barely even conscious of it, and it's difficult to imagine a mechanism which might change that.

Mojo, are you Majorly mocking me? I'm planning on doing a post about procrastinating; maybe I'll start it on Tuesday. And yes, the miners' kerchiefs, tied around their necks so they could identify each other, is the origin of the term redneck. Most people have never even heard of Blair Mountan, but, for a defrocked Mormon, you seem well-versed on it.
Ha ha ha suckahs, thanks for playing right into my hands. It's good to know you're both procrastinators. I'm going to write something about the Blair Mountain uprising as the last stand against corporate oppression. But not a post. A musical. Andrew Lloyd Weber has already signed on to write the score. I'm negotiating with Fifty Cent (that's Mr. Cent to you, "Fitty" to me) to play one of the leads - he wants to be taken seriously as an actor and has had all his tats lasered off - and Michael Jackson has agreed to come back from the dead to choreograph the dance numbers. Chuck Norris says he'd be thrilled to play the heavy. He was my first and only choice. Why? Because when someone fires a gun at him, the bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
hello my peeps! What's cracklackin' this evening??? do tell don't be shy
Nana for the love of Gawd will u pleeez put up a new post so I don't have to scroll up and down the page a million miles to read and respond...pretty pleeeease!!! (me being nice) =)
w&b, it's no use. I've got carpal tunnel from all the scrolling and I'm thinking about filing a workers comp claim and blaming it on my job.
i know but one can hope and wish ...
Tucheze ngoma? Utapenda kudansi?*
Try scrolling two thousand five hundred comments, or not.
Maybe not, isn't it.
( *Swahili : Wanna dance ?)
Damn it, my friend, can't you see? You and Bonnie should run off to Paris(Texas) and get married!! It's all in the stars!!

Charlie Sheen, in the Hollywood Mythology, is the God of True Romance and Long Lived Marriages, that's why Bonnie posted that over at TMZ.com, she KNEW you'd find it and go ape shit crazy, FOR LOVE!!!!

Plus, if you two tie the knot, Bravo has opted in for a reality show, entitled, TWO'S A CROWD, THREE'S A FLING!!!

Dr. Amy will play the third, as the jilted lover trying to break you and Bonnie up!!

I know, awesome show right?

So damn it, my friend, jump on your scooter and ride to Cali-for-ni-a, weeping all the way!!

~TEARS~ I always cry at weddings.

Can I be the flower girl?
Margaret, you sure can!! ~tears~

And yes, nana, you can wear white!!

~more tears~

I'm already listed myself as Matron of Honor! ~Weeping~

Trig and Major Mojo can both be ring bearers.

I'm not sure who's catering the event!!!

As a surprise twist, we're adding an orphan from Nigeria!! ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF HAVING KIDS, WITHOUT THE ICKY PART OF REPRODUCTION!!

Awesome, I know!!! Who wants dessert? YOU DO!!!

**Wanders off**
... not that I came here to brag, or anything.
Tinky bitch!! you got my money hoe? let's go to the thorn bushes and make a kitten!! oh wait i'm spayed..ok lets go to the pound!
Somehow, this seems so wrong when the person hosting is nowhere to be found....but....

This could be bigger than William and Kate. I don't want to be the flower girl anymore. Me and black and white can be bridesmaids. We get to pick our own dresses.

Tink, you can give the groom away!

Kim can perform the vows - in Swahili.

The Nigerian orphan is a GREAT idea! It'll be fantastic publicity because we can get Brangelina to adopt him or her...how about Nigerian orphan twins? They need another set cause their biological ones aren't that cute. In fact have you noticed their best looking children are the adopted ones? Isn't that strange, as good-looking as they are? Getting off-topic...

My God it's so nice to have something to look forward to!
so that means the biological kids are showing off the real brad and angie? hmm a lil plastique
I have got to go to bed. But now I'm thinking about cake recipes...buttercream icing....fondant flowers....releasing doves into the air....what band we'd get to play....

And w&b, this is not very nice and I NEVER read People magazine (except for the movie reviews) because I am above celebrity gossip. But I did happen to notice once in a picture that Shiloh looked an awful lot like Chaz Bono after his sex change. Partly because they dress her like a boy.
w&b, yeah, we can go to the pound!! WOOF!! WOOF!! DAWG POUND!! YAY!! What? Sorry, just got done watching a marathon of Snoop!!!!


Margaret, I know, isn't love magical? I just got done writing my blog about my pitch to the big dogs at like NBC and stuff. ~tears~ It'll be the best Un-scripted scripted reality show EVER!!!

The wedding will blow away that Prince and Princess wedding by 10 fold! Will they have a talking donkey?

Well yeah, they'll have two. Prince Charles and Camilia!!

Shoot. Welp, we'll think of something magical!!!

Kim, Asta Langa Gora Click Click Bopa Deppa Shore!! Click Click!!

Yeah, I speak a little Ansanesian. (Translation: You have a nice donkey, mind if I ride her?)
Margaret, please let me know if you need a hand with the musical. The irony of taking part in a production based on an idea stolen from myself appeals to me. I want Paula Abdul as choreographer though, or Michael Flatley if Paula can't do it.

W&B, I'm working on a new post right now. If the coffee does its job I may have it done in a couple hours. Maybe. And Kim raises a good point; have you ever been to the truckstop? It makes this little thread look positively succinct.

Tink, you're a good soul, bless you, but I'd sooner get a blowjob from a rattlesnake.

Kim, Ninakupenda right backatcha you big lug.

I didn't know Chaz Bono had a sex change.
Paula was actually my first choice but I didn't think she choreographed anymore. And this isn't Riverdance. But considering what you did with my innocent little ad campaign earlier I don't know if your involvement is a good idea. As for the other production, I think it's completely out of your hands.

Tink, we need a location. These things have to be booked way in advance. And we have to outdo the royals. I'm going to start with the Vatican and work my way down. (But wouldn't Rome be divine for a party?!) If that doesn't pan out, there's a church about an hour from me with a 60' statue of Jesus (just his top half) rising from a swamp in front of the church. He's known as "Touchdown Jesus." Let me see if I can find a picture - words don't do him justice.

Sorry Chaz Bono. I meant Chastity, who's now Chaz.
No no no noooooooooooo!!!!!!! How did I not hear about this? Touchdown Jesus was struck by lightning last year. I guess God doesn't believe in second chances, even for his own son. Here's what might have been:
I always worried about Chastity, but if he's happy now that's what matters. And yes, I remember hearing about Touchdown Jesus' fiery demise. One wonders if the churchgoers there took it as a sign that God hates them.
Margaret, I'm thinking if the Vatican's not available, we might get Hank Morland's Rattle Snake Ranch in Procoland, Florida. It also has gators the size of small children, according to their road sign!! It looks magical too.

No, no, Nana, you don't have a say in this, you're going to get married and it's going to be on TV, we'll get you two a annulment or a shot of something, whatever those Hollywood types do once they sober up!!!

Yes, yes, I have a good heart and a wonderful soul, now remember, when the bride comes down the aisle, you're not suppose to turn and run! You'll hurt her feelings. Margaret told me that. white and black told me "If you see Maury Povich, tell him, 'The baby ain't mine!!!'" But that's for a different segment of the show which we won't go into....


And we shall rebuild touchdown jesus!! AMEN!!

**Wanders off**
nana's marrying chaz bono? say it ain't so. even touchdown jesus wouldn't approve of that one unless chaz switches back but that's far too much scar tissue.

can't we just have a party for no reason?
You heard about Touchdown Jesus? In little old Monroe? You should have seen him in the flesh - or whatever he was made out of. The first time I did, I almost crashed my car. I could have died sailing through Jesus' arms.

I love planning weddings too!!! Although I only planned one. And I only had three months. Because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to button up my very narrow waisted dress - ahem. That's not going to be a problem is it, for our blushing bride? Because well, I've already taken the liberty of picking out the dress. It's a gorgeous Monique Lhuillier antique white satin number and it's not very forgiving. If you know what I mean.

But then neither is our bride hahahahaha! The Rattlesnake Ranch sounds like a perfect spot for the nuptials. And the little gators mean we can invite children and not worry about them getting underfoot. Kids love playing with animals, especially ones with huge mouths full of sharp teeth.
Rated! Great stuff - hilarious yet poignant.
Candace! Do you want to be a bridesmaid too? The bride and groom are quickly becoming irrelevant - if they both bail, maybe Tink and his wife could renew their vows.
Yes you can make the cake iq! Maybe the bride should wear chainmail. We have to set a date before the invites go out. Have Wills & Kate set their date yet? I haven't heard. We don't want competition - we want to bury them. I kind of like the idea of sending the invitations via carrier pigeon. Or maybe smoke signal. Thoughts?
Candace, remember the Sonny & Cher variety show? Sometimes they'd bring Chastity out on stage and, though I was only a little kid myself, she just seemed like a sad, confused child. Now I understand why, and I also understand that Chaz and I were meant to be together and that our pending nuptials are out of my hands. I'll let Tink and Margaret and IQ handle the details, though Kevlar is out of the question; it adds ten pounds to my waistline and I'm not even sure if I'll be wearing a tux or a gown. Which is most appropriate when wedding a transsexual pop culture icon?

Ron, welcome to my blog, and thanks for getting the intent behind this post. Hilarious poignancy, that's me alright, though many don't see it that way.
I've lost track myself. It's either Chaz or a rattlesnake, I think. Chaz sounds considerably less off-putting.
Well, I'm not sure who is marrying who, maybe the rattlesnake is marrying the alligator!! That would be some honeymoon!!

Me and the wifey could renew our vows, that'd be sweet. On May 23rd, we'll be married for 13 years. I know. Ain't love grand, sweet even, 13 of the longest years of my wife's life she ever did serve!!

She reminds me every day!! Teeheehee!!

Nana, I believe you and Chaz or Burt Reynolds are suppose to get married(I'm thinking the Russian lady I sent you might be an actual woman, but I still think it might work out!!!)

Open needs a wedding to get back on track, and also, I look pretty sweet in a tuxedo!!! Already got my own tail.


Yeah, the cough syrup is wearing off!! Love you man!! ~smooch~ Right on the lips!!

Who loves you?

The Door man Steve does!! Teeheehee!!

**Wanders off into the thorn bushes for a little nap**

Remember when we stayed up all night, till dawn, talking about the weather, how Kerry's name, when you spelled it backwards was the same sound a red tail jackass makes when it farts?

Me neither!! Good night Laurie Wandler, whereever you are!!!

The coffee didn't work, IQ; instead of inspiring me it made me cranky and nervous. I got part of the post done though; it's a discussion of the dialects of American English. Or more accurately, it's me thinking out loud as to why I sound the way I do. My own dialect, reflecting the area I grew up in, is a blend of North Midland, which originates with Scots/Irish and Germans who came west out of Pennsylvania, and South Midland, which is from English and Scots/Irish who came from Virginia through the central Appalachians. I also speak a little Ozark for good measure. In other words, I sound like a hillbilly, or so people in the North tell me; to Southerners I sound like a damn Yankee. It's an odd thing; one can get an idea of which dialect region influenced the area you live in by whether you call a soft drink a "soda" or a "pop" or, (snicker) a "coke." Check it out:


Tink, whatever happens we'll always have that morning you and I and the redtailed jackass watched the sun come up over the trailer court. Remember how the nighting-gales sang for us under the light of a harvest moon? Me neither; the cough syrup that night was phenomenal.
I watched the Sonny and Cher show when I was a kid too - wouldn't miss it for anything - and little Chastity was adorable. Didn't they hold her while singing "I Got You Babe" at the end? But as Chaz, he's looking better all the time and definitely looks happier. Also, I think he's already taken. So all's well that ends well.

And you do realize that the wedding planning is revenge for what we have to go through to get here. Tink, you already have your own tail....I am cracking up. What color is your cummerbund? And I thought Laurie's last name was Parker something.
Baltimoreans have their own thing going on, a subset of the Virginia Piedmont dialect region; there's no way one of them would accept a "pop" speaker. I used to visit relatives in New England and whenever I'd say pop, whichever of my cousins' New Hampshire friends happened to be around would break into a chorus of "Pop!" "Pop!" "Pop!" Fuckers.

Margaret, it's Sarah Jessica Parker you're thinking of. Or Dee Snyder. I can't tell the two apart.
Then there's this:

Phonology: Midland speech is firmly rhotic.

A well-known phonological difference between the Midland and the North is that the word on contains the phoneme /ɔ/ (as in caught) rather than /ɑ/ (as in cot). (This only applies to Midland speakers not subject to the cot-caught merger, on which see below.) For this reason, one of the names for the North-Midland boundary is the "on line".
In some areas, words like "roof" and "root" (which in many other dialects have the GOOSE vowel /u/) are pronounced with the FOOT vowel /ʊ/.

Phonetics: The North Midland and South Midland are both characterized by:

advanced fronting of /oʊ/: the phoneme /oʊ/ (as in boat) is fronter than in many other American accents, particularly those of the North; the phoneme is frequently realized as a diphthong with a central nucleus, approximating [ɵʊ].
advanced fronting of /aʊ/: the diphthong /aʊ/ (as in mouth) has a fronter nucleus than /aɪ/, approaching [æʊ].
Had to Google "rhotic":

English pronunciation can be divided into two main accent groups: A rhotic (pronounced /ˈroʊtɨk/, sometimes /ˈrɒtɨk/) speaker pronounces the letter r in hard; a non-rhotic speaker does not pronounce it in hard. That is, rhotic speakers pronounce /r/ in all positions, while non-rhotic speakers pronounce /r/ only if it is followed by a vowel sound in the same phrase or prosodic unit.
When I first came to Columbus I also got made fun of for saying "pop" instead of soda. And for the way I said it, with what they called my Cleveland accent: "paahhp." This from people who pronounced the city of Newark "Nerk," said UHMbrella and answered every question they didn't hear the first time, no matter what it was, with the phrase "Do what now?"

Maybe I was thinking of Parker Stevenson - didn't he play one of the Hardy Boys?
Victoria's Secret has a nice selection of diphthongs.
Victoria's Secret is illegal in Kansas, though I've seen Xeroxed copies of it. I'm assuming the diphthong is for Siamese twins.

One of my best friends was from Columbus and I know for a fact he would have made fun of you too. He said "soda" and, worse, called tennis shoes "sneakers." We used to go fishing and get extremely drunk then he'd call me a "Kansas pussy" and we'd fight 'til we rolled off a cliff or into a river. Good ol' Jim!
Running shoes? That's pure gibberish!

I'm rhotic, as is most everybody north of the Mason/Dixon line, with a few exceptions. Rhotic speakers use a hard "R"; non-rhotic leave the "R" off, sort of the way they talked in Gone With the Wind. The hillbilly dialect I speak sounds weird to Northern ears but it's completely separate from that Southern thing.
iq, I happen to be the rare third type of speaker, the neu-rhotic kind. In Columbus, they sometimes call tennis shoes "Keds."

That's too bad about Victorias Secret being illegal in Kansas. I always thought things got looser the more west you went. It's based here in Columbus; my sister-in-law works for the corporate office and gives us all nice gift cards for Christmas because she gets a 40 percent discount. But I think the Siamese twins thongs are special order only because they have to be custom made.
I did a post once where I embedded this device from Snapvine that allowed people to phone in and leave a message so we could hear each others' voices; over a hundred OSers introduced themselves and said hi, some sang songs or recited poetry, and it was interesting to hear the range of dialects. Several Canadians took part; their accents ranged from almost British-seeming to what sounded like Midwestern/West Coast American.

Margaret, things do get looser the Wester you go. In Missouri exotic dancers have to wear pasties; in Kansas, despite its uptight reputation, they don't. Not that I've ever been in a strip club.

IQ, that is very cryptic.
i have absolutely nothing to say, but here just seemed like the place to not say it. *waves* hi nanananananana
Here is something interesting about hillbilly-ese which I've discovered, since there is a large migratory population in Southern Ohio. Plus I had one for a brother-in-law for a while and I was the only one who talked or rather listened, to him. A true hillbilly uses virtually no hard consonants and also speaks low and fast. So if you want to converse, you have to lean in and listen with your whole body - it's exhausting. But since there's no break in the patter and I never understood a word he said, I usually just smiled and nodded when it seemed appropriate.

Isn't it interesting how thing vary from state to state - not to put too fine a point on it. Ha ha.
Loriaaaaaaaannnnne!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you say pop or soda?
Well, there's hillbillies and there's hillbillies. Southern Ohio is in or near the South Midland zone so they wouldn't necessarily have to be migrants to speak like hill people. But that dialect is different from what's spoken in parts of W. Virginia or Tennessee or the Ozarkian speakers I know in Missouri. People in those regions tend to speak fairly slow unless they're on drugs or something. The thing is, there can be considerable variation from one location to the other within a given zone. For instance, a hillbilly speaker from Independence, MO., sounds different than a hillbilly speaker from Wyandotte County, where I'm from, though they're only 30 miles apart or so. Those local differences are fading away though as speech patterns become more homogenized.

IQ, the one divide which can't be bridged is the pop/soda dichotomy. It's worse than the Montagues v. Capulets or the Walloons v. the Flemish. And yes, 303 is cryptic!
iq - i totally got the # and im kinna dense so it must not have been cryptic.

i always said soda, then moved to iowa where it was pop... i dunno what they call it here in cali cuz now i just go with coke or pepsi or whatever to avoid having to adapt yet again. we fear change.

they also said 'sack' back in iowa...in NY it was bag. my iowa friends once told me that if it was full it was a sack & if it was empty it was a bag... i told them to fuck off.
I've figured it out; 303 AD was the year of the Consulship of Valerius and Valerius. What an odd coincidence, to have both consuls in the same year named Valerius!

Full or empty my ass; I'd have told those dudes to fuck off too
Of course! Year 312 (CCCXII) was a leap year starting on Tuesday of the Julian calendar. At the time, it was known as the Year of the Consulship of Constantinus and Licinianus (or, less frequently, year 1065 Ab urbe condita).
Why can't I figure it out? :(

And what kind of post? Are you looking for a salacious title to lure in readers, or something witty, or scholarly or, let me guess, cryptic?
ha! 318
small block V-8... obscure maybe but not cryptic
I know all the good V-8 sizes and the 318 is, unfortunately, a Mopar product. It still doesn't enlighten me as to what 303 or 312 meant.
Ah, the number of comments! I knew that.
#323. See, I got it all along. And Lorianne wouldn't call me obtuse or any synonym thereof, she's not like that. :-|
324 obtuse is good. but i would never call nanananana obtuse. hes more acute than obtuse.
Yes, acute, like an isosceles triangle or an attack of food poisoning. Thank you Lorianne.
I'm always right. Thought I was wrong once but it turned out I was mistaken.
So we're talking geometry again, as if we ever weren't. Because, see, I knew what you meant all along.
i thought 98.6 is where it was at. go figure...
Where it's at; two turntables and a microphone.
I remember the call in post you made my friend. So grand back then, it was the first time anyone outside the prison system got to hear my real voice!! ~weeping~

I remember the day we stood on the highest mountain in Nebraska and watched the sun rise with the red tail jackass. We were both young, possibly only 89 or 92. Whatever the age of consent is in Florida to have sex is.

We then parted, only to reunite here on Open, where we wrote daily, sometime weekly, but rarely monthly, as we couldn't be that far away from our fans, all 32 of them!! ~TEARS~

Good times, I made a post tonight where I once again let my real voice be heard to a new generation of reader, 18 and up, Iranian to North Dakota and back again, they still come, all 32 of them!!!

Margaret, my cummerbund is hot pink, to match my eyes!! ~;D

By the way, why hasn't this comment section been EPed??? GAWD!!!
I'm sorry but in that video you sound like you're in the Lollypop Guild.

But how can I forget those golden olden days??? We were young then, never knowing the rest of our lives were gonna suck. You climbed the Forbidden Pyramid of Ixtapchiquilhochtli with the Seven Albino Maidens of Hyborea, while I crossed the sacred river Alph with the Minotaur of Thulsa Doom in hot pursuit. Oh what times we had in the Pleasure Dome, decreed by Kublai Khan!

Wait a minute. Is this a reminiscence or the lyrics to a Rush song?
Here is an interesting video that fits your theme a little. :-)

Have a goodnight Nana

oops here you go..
What's wrong with the Lollypop Guild? They put food on the table and a roof over my head and in the bad times, which is, well, right now, they gave me candy!

Course, it was the shitty candy, the stuff the dollar store won't even sell!!! But, well....

Plus, I have a cold damn it, right in the voice box, right here, pfffff...hack...cough.....pffffff....aaaargh, my throat!!!!!!!!

Maybe tomorrow will be better, with a strong hand and a steady something, IV? Maybe.....we will see better shores, where the unicorn will hump the grizzly bear and we shall see Uni-Bear-Corn or Grizzlycorn, whatever.

And yes, my friend, it may be a Rush song, but in here, **pointing to his spleen**, it is our song, a song of freedom, a song of revolution, a song of life!!


The Gods understand, they don't even like the green kids!!!

Until that day, we shall stay the course and rejoice with the little victories, like waking up at 5am with an erection lasting four hours or well, just waking up breathing, that's a good thing too!!


Wait, what was the topic? Oh yeah....I don't think the French should be allowed to participate in the World Economic Conference, they bring nothing to the table except their bitching and crying about, "We! We! We!"

I think we, the U.S. of Frucken A should just walk in, grab the map from the table, tear it into little pieces, piss on the floor, and then flip everyone off and walk out of the room, that's my stance on that conference.

World-united my left testicle, if I hadn't lost it in a poker game in North Korea back in 2008!!! PFFFFT!!!!

What the hell do they think we are, Star Trek? one Planet! one People!! KISS OFF YOU PEACENIKS!! I got your one Planet, bitches, it's about 2 inches long but if I hit ya in the head with a brick, it'll hurt!!! YEAH!!!

And that's that!!!!

By the way, what was the original topic? Oh yeah...I like beavers.

**Wandering off to bed**
I thought we were planning a wedding. Celine Dion says she'll sing "My Heart Will Go On." I think the cake should be a replica of the Titanic.
V, since you deleted my comment, or a couple of them, I'll repeat the pertinent part of it here: You obviously have serious reading comprehension problems, emotional problems too apparently, and I don't give a rat's ass if you read my blog you infantile, braindead drama queen.

Tink says "I think we, the U.S. of Frucken A should just walk in, grab the map from the table, tear it into little pieces, piss on the floor, and then flip everyone off and walk out of the room, that's my stance on that conference."

It sickens me that you left out invading and bombing them. Let's go kick the shit out of some cripples later.

Margaret, I want Celine Dion to sing "Down with the Sickness." It seems appropriate to the event.
Gun porn! I love you man.
"Infantile, braindead drama queen?" I just hate it when people hold back and don't say what they mean. And what sickness. Are you trying to say you just tested positive for something?
Victoria/Veronica/Brianna has just flounced. She/he/it will be back under a new name. Melodrama needs an outlet.
@iq: Sure there are easier cakes to make. How about a Dump Cake? Four ingredients. Five, with nuts. Hahahahaha.
Doug, I love you too, man! ~Bro Hug~

Margaret, shouldn't it be "tested negative"? It seems to me that if one has caught something it's quite negative. Stupid doctors!

IQ, by sunrise the first day of the honeymoon I'll be gnawing my arm off like a wolf in a trap. Still, to back out now would disappoint too many people; my mental health is of secondary importance next to that.

Emma, as you say, she'll be back soon enough for another cycle of Jekkyl and Hyde. We should start a pot as to when the next identity will appear.

Margaret, I didn't get that joke but it sounds a little off-color. I'm deeply disappointed.
Save your teeth. I have a plastic knife that works better. And Dump Cake is no joke:

Dump Cake (350 degree oven)

(1) 21 oz. can cherry pie filling/(1) 15 oz. can crushed pineapple/(1) pkg. yellow cake mix/(1) cup chopped nuts, optional/1/2 c. butter, melted.

Dump pie filling and pineapple in a 13 x 9 pan; swirl together. Pour cake mix evenly over top. Top with nuts, drizzle w/butter. Bake 35-40 minutes.

Haven't made one in years but it's awesome. It rivals Oooey Gooey Butter Cake (don't tell me you haven't heard of that either).
It does sound awesome, and not at all obscene. But no, I haven't heard of Ooey Gooey Butter Cake. I don't do much baking. :(
I guess it does sound kind of obscene. It does create an orgy effect anywhere you take it because no one can get enough.
P.S. I love to bake and my chocolate chip cookies are always in high demand wherever I go. So just a heads up, in a few days ask your brother to share.
Margaret, it was the references to nuts and taking a dump which threw me. And I doubt I'll see any of those cookies; if it was just Trig over there I might, but E and his ravenous friends will make short work of 'em.

IQ, the food porn on here gets off the hook sometimes. Vicarious food isn't fattening but the Pavlovian response it engenders in the weak-willed among us can have grave consequences.
"Dump Cake," "Oooey Gooey Butter Cake" and "Better Than Sex Cake" form a triumvirate of ridiculously easy yet unbelievably delicious desserts. Considering their names, I think we should serve all three at the main event.
Soooo... "Uni-Bear-Corn or Grizzlycorn?"

I'm going with Grizzlycorn, and giving Tink the comment award for that one, the length of two average blogs, and twice as entertaining as ten average blogs. What's this about cake and TR IG?
un-rated... for a minute at least, til I see the response!
Tis a long scroll back up to POST A COMMENT!

white and black, how are ya? I'll be taking over from this point on. At least 'til eleven thirty. *yawns*
I'm convinced your brother is refusing to put up a new post just to spite me..lol I am getting carpal tunnel from the scrolling and shit
for fuck's sake! 356 comments really!!!!!!????
i only stopped by cuz i heard there was cake.
357, which, appropriately enough, is a damn fine pistol.
358; Lorianne was 357. Margaret has this thing where she makes up names for cake. It's quirky but I like it.
OK, 361. Regardless, I'll soon have a new post with a normal comment thread, I promise.
soon you will be full dirty harry.. in a few more days at least, when you reach .450. Still I see no reason to re-rate.
Once I get around to it. The writer's block is killing me over here.
i was gonna comment on the above pics tho..Nana u needs a hair cut..while you're at it get em all cut
Hey wait... that's a fake editor's pick! I'm thinking my comment record was 393. Pissed me off that it couldn't get to 400. What the hell was that one about? No matter. I'm starving.
Am I the only one who knows of these cakes? C'mon ladies, help me out.
i'm not much of a baker
There is nothing I can say that will make your happy. So that is fine do not read my blog. I never said you had abused me. But I will say goodbye then now. Over and done, now you can write your own blog on this on your own blog explaining to people how you feel.

No you did not have to agree with me. But after you disagree with someone IQ then there is no more to do. I explained myself again and you still did not understand it.

That's my imitation of Victoria. OK, not an imitation, more of a copy and paste.

I like that kid in the button up and tie in the vid.

@iq ... he could be on big salon in TWO categories!
@w/b.. HA! for fifteen bucks he might as well get all of 'em cut! Plus your blog you just put up is TOO FUNNY.
@Margaret.. in retrospect, I (think) I have heard of dump cake. The name though... eh, hate it! Sure as heck would eat some right now tho. Just call it tr ig happy cake
it's too bad I couldn't find what's her name's mugshot (b)(r) lolololo
i have never heard of those cakes.... but i would eat them just the same.

nanananan just add "now with more cake" to the title & call this a new post. *waves* hi trigster
Oh for crying out loud.



FYI, the pumpkin variation is out of this world. I suppose no one's heard of Levains Cookies in NYC either. After years of experimenting and single-handedly keeping the Nestle company in business, I can say with confidence mine are better. Or at least as good.

@W&B: I already asked you this on your hottest men post but - can I assume you also subscribe to The Slammer?
@lorianne *SMOOCHES* Now bend over like you used to do for me in yahoo chat!
@ my girlfriend KIDDING BABEEE!

So who is MOSTLY responsible for running off Victoria/Veronica/Brianna? Emma Peel 2?
should I subscribe?? are there hotties in there??
Trig, I am mainly to blame, but everyone in my "click" is probably also responsible. You people make V feel unsafe!

Lorianne is right: I need to change the name of this post.
And IQ, I'm looking forward to you writing your own blog on this on your own blog explaining to people how you feel
How about... Nana and his click hit the road again.
Re-rated for CLICK, even though you didn't beg. When the rate to comment ratio reaches 10% or less as it appears to have now, you KNOW you have a long comment thread.

I used to dog Brianna. Then I just felt sorry for her. Hi B/V/V if your reading. This one nite I copied one of her post to try to re-write it for her coherently, but then I got drunk and gave up two sentences in. My intentions were good though.
W&B, depends on what you consider hot. Personally, I read it for community updates ("Hood News"), inspiration ("Christ for Every Crisis") and the ads. I am thinking of taking a part-time job with the T-Bond Angels Ro (Let Ro Roll You Out!) and Dana (Let Dana D. give you the key to be free!) I just can't figure out a clever thing to do with my name, but as soon as I do I'm calling 461-WALK.

Nana, why don't you do a cooking post? You could call it Guns 'N Girls 'N Griddles. This might make up for the perversion of my innocent little Got Gat? ad campaign.
I applied for aladdin bail bonds job a few months ago got an interview and felt real dirty afterwards..they want you to pressure everyone to bail out and not mention that many will get O.R'd without having to bail.. real slimey shit they got going on there...
Less than a tenth of a rate per comment? What kind of a click ARE you people???
It's clique, Einstein, not click. Whatever university you're supposedly doing this amazing article for must have really low standards for literacy. You really are a hoot though; you do an attack post and then say the people you're attacking can't reply? Sorry, V, delete away, but I'll keep commenting to set the record straight. Sorry if that *scares* ya, but what do you expect me to do, sit back and let your lies go unanswered? I don't think so.

MARCH 03, 2011 01:25 AM
i'm off to visit the people of walmart... i'll take pics ;)
whoa must be an echo in here nana...your comments from over at veronica's post are echoing here lol
Vertoria... He write better than he shoots, and can be an obstinate prick at times. You though, come to play without your grammar and sentence structure magazine loaded. Click would never be caught on spell check would it... I'll give ya that one.
You might want to consider using the "Clicker" training method here. It works pretty well in obedience school. Shouldn't be too difficult to make the leap to humans.
IQ's right; y'all are lousy tippers. I don't know what Margaret means though about me preverting her ad campaign; the recipes for her cakes read like the script to a German porn movie.

W&B, I bet the Wal-mart pics will be as disturbing as the mug shots. Thanks for getting the good stuff for us!

Trig, it was nice of Brianna to save my comment over here before deleting it over there, it saves me the trouble of having to write my own blog on this on my own blog explaining to people how I feel.
And Larry, I've been trying to comment on your post since this afternoon but it won't let me; I hit the "post comment" button and it doesn't come through. Did you block me from explaining how I feel on your blog?
499 - Who's Veronica Wolf ?

So.. what in the name of Our Lady of Guadalupe is going on over here? I can no longer ignore this click or perhaps, I will not be ignored.
Nana ... I would never block you.

I don't think the mail is working correctly on OS.
So it's 502 or something now - I was going to have candles and everything.
You can still make a wish, as long as the knife doesn't touch the plate.
I just checked the count.. this is 405
I don't know whether I should be titillated or hurt by that comment. Or do both apply to German porn? I'm just clicked off and now I'm going to make an Oooey Gooey Butter Cake. You'll have to eat your cake and your words too.
It's necessary, trust me.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I'd never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feeeeeelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms!

I believe you, Larry. There's gremlins in the machine, but my comments were really witty. :(

Rita! You're already a known member of the click, or posse, or Golden Horde, which is what I'm calling it from now on. Veronica has seen what you've done and it makes her feel unsafe.

Kim, all I want is a koala in marinade sauce. Is it true they taste like coughdrops?
Margaret, in German porn the titillation comes right before the hurt but after the pooping.
Kim, why are you talking about Levi's Jeans? I'm desperately trying have a nice chat about baking, not clothes. I just made coffee too. Are there no rules anymore?
Holy crap 411 comments!
Gibt es keine Richtlinien mehr?
How about a German chocolate ammo dump cake?
Sounds like a name for a Scheißegeist movie: German Chocolate IV; Revenge of the Turds.
They've taken IQ and replaced her with...wait a minute. You remind me of someone...

And of course; nasty scenes in court follow honeymoons like night follows day. But not until we've had a decade or so to really fuck things up.
( psst ... nan - margaret, levi's, wtf ? ...)
Is that the title of a movie?

Larry, the cake sounds divine. What sort of ammo though? Remember, it has to go in an oven. Wouldn't want fireworks or anything.

I.....Q?? Love what you did with your hair. I wonder if there's such a thing as too much caffeine.
OMG what have I started?? i think we should do mugshot Mondays lol that would be fun!
Kim, Levi's jeans come in various styles; 505, 501, etc. I think that's what Margaret meant but it's hard to tell with all the scatological references in between. She's more depraved than the average Ohioan.

Drooling? I'll be projectile vomiting ejectimenta of pure love!
Here, gnaw on a wombat hoof while I turn the koala over - I'm supposed to know what 502's is ?
You look different. Maybe it's the light.
Kim, my mugshot roulette post has spawned a change of persona pics
nana , _iq_ is looking mighty fine I'd hit that

with a bat
That's too bad about your part being cut from "The Usual Suspects."
The hoof is the best part of the wombat if you can get the ticks off it.

IQ, am I that transparent? I guess I can't hide that look in my eyes, that certain something that says "amore."

I second W&B's motion for Mugshot Mondays, or at least Wal-Mart Wednesdays.

Margaret, is that another porno movie?

And who's returning to regular avatars? This one's a keeper.
i added some selections nana u might wanna check out the added pics to select from
whoa ...i'm getting disoriented lol
Those are solid gold W&B; I've got enough avatars over there to last me a month. Though it's comforting to see IQ has gone back to her real picture, I'm thinking now that Kim's my fiance. He's hot in that kinda snotty way, you know what I mean?
W&B: Wanna go get a drink?

Keyser Soze. Does anyone remember Keyser Soze?
I just want you to be Frank with me.
mr kobiashi... "I assure you that ahything you do to me he can do a thousand times worse"
Margaret--I already be drinkin' gots me a coors light right here
i met spacey..at the playboy mansion at the mid summer night party he goes both ways if ya get my meaning
I've got to be Frank here; I've never seen the movie. Was living in my Celica in '95, maybe that's why. It's amazing how roomy a hatchback can be.
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist."

Thank you, whoever you all are.
I didn't dump anyone, or even take a dump. Kim's got that accent though, and he knows how to do koala the way I like it.
Yeah but we have no extradition treaty with Canada.
...confesses wan'ts to peg Nana just because...
did i just say that outloud lol
no body drop the soap... just sayin'
cheeeerist! now you're fabio ...gag
Couldn't you plug a VCR in your lighter or something? I wouldn't mess with iq/dumpedbynanaforKim/BR. She seems to know her legal stuff.

"Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on that farm he shot some guys. Badda boom badda bing bang boom." Best use of a nursery rhyme in a gangster flick.
Soap dropped, to the tune of Old McDonald. I'm so shocked I reverted to using my real picture.

Why did IQ go back to using her real picture?
Just when I became handsomer too. Shit, I think I'd let Fabio peg me.
yuck...pretty men make me ill.. give me a rugged blue collar Joe who works with his hands and doesn't crack a mirror when he walks by and I am good..
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful. These looks are a curse, a rotten curse!
Just don't muss my hair up. What, you think this look just happens?
It's true, there's an inner beauty that glows from within you. The orange jumpsuit really brings it out.
That's OK, I'm somehow more comfortable with Kim not being a cute blonde. And I think you're right; this thread will seem odd tomorrow.
It's a judgment call. I'm OK being Fabio or even the mug shot dude, but you're taking some getting used to. That expression on your face... :(
I don't think "normal" is a word that has any business here, iq-ever-you-are.

Nana, it already is tomorrow. In most places. Or maybe it's the day after tomorrow. Somewhere.
It's the day after yesterday, whatever else it is. Also it's the time of night when the monitor screen starts going all wavy. Look, a rainbow!
And stop looking at me like that, or put your teeth in at least. This is like an episode of The Twilight Zone.
Kim's a blonde girl again now. I feel weird.
I'll be Frank again; I can't even tell from your pic if you ARE a girl. Looks more like Johnny Winter than anything else. Have you considered GPS tracking?
You people have crossed a line.

Another line.
You're right, Ablonde, these people need to answer for what they've done.
Nanatehay You say, and I quote, “What union violence are you referring to? Do you have examples of this alleged violence or are you just raving? My money's on the latter.”

You left the above comment on my blog. I came over to look at yours. What a f%#king hypocrite you are. It is too bad you are such an asshole, because those videos are great. I guess liberal progressives can use violence when and where they want; God forbid Conservatives and American Patriots use them though, hmmmmm! Americans do not buy into the liberal progressive refusal to be accountable for your own actions. Your pathetic reasoning is to always blame the dissenting voice to your violent political agenda, always come up with an excuse and attack both verbally and physically. Your socialist party is now responsible for its own demise. We are going to defend ourselves.

Take a good look at those videos you posted, asshole, because you liberal progressive socialists just might get a taste of your own violent hatred. If you want to point the barrel of a gun at someone, as per your photo, be prepared to be looking down a barrel of a gun. Your liberal progressive violence is molding and forming the resistance to your hatred every day that goes by. BTW, you better have better hardware than that, if your socialist party decides to up the ante against Americans.
Tsk tsk, Tommy; this is America and it's not just Tea Party Traitors who get to have guns. My hat is off to you though; I've rarely met anyone better at using so many words to say exactly nothing. As I expected, you weren't able to answer my question on your blog; your response was:

"That is all you can ever do, skirt the issues."

Sounds like you're a little skirty yourself, T. The title of your post was "UNION VIOLENCE AGAINST AMERICANS is DESPICABLE" so I simply asked if you had any examples of this alleged union violence. Obviously, you don't have any or you would have cited them. Like most Teabaggers, when the truth doesn't fit your addled worldview you just make stuff up. You're pathetic, Tommy, all assbabble and no substance, but then we already knew that. Drop by any time you feel like regurgitating the talking points fed to you by your corporate masters; ignorant, deluded stooges make me laugh.
nana, the 2nd t in the name tommy is for "troll".
Would be fun to have the sniveller hold up the target while you sight in your rifle. Heh heh & heh.

And, as for the weaselette, I had a CUNTry song included in my post of today.
Yeah, being a target mannikin is about all the average Teabagger is good for. For two years they've been threatening and shouting down the rest of us yet they have a hissy fit at imaginary violence from "liberal progressive socialists." I made up a joke for them, given their repeated claims that they're gonna overthrow the Obama administration:

Q: How many Tea Party militia patriots can an Apache attack helicopter kill in 30 seconds?

A: As many as are stupid enough to come out of the woods.

i would like to state for the record that i have never 'bent over' in yahoo chat ...

for Trig.

errr nevermind.

pass the cake please.
Are you saying Trig...exaggerated? I guess it was bound to happen eventually. Here, have some upside down cake.
i love this post. it has everything a person needs...
guns. silly conversation, sexual innuendo and cake!
We aim to please here at Chez Nana. Except for the guns and the surly attitude one could almost mistake me for Freaky Troll.
Is there never, ever going to be a new post? Never? Not ever?
nooooooooooo no new post. get a new name. start a new blog.
long live the rabid weasel post!
I lost my Internet connection last night right after Margaret's comment. It was disconcerting, I had to find non-digital stuff to do; now I know how Laura Ingalls felt in Little House on the Prairie.

I'm torn between writing a new post and staying here with "Rabid Weasel" where I'm comfortable. The deciding factor will be if the coffee is effective today.
Here's the solution to your problem: First, go get a different brand of coffee. For example, I am going to try Newman's Own right now because someone told me how good it was and I've never had it. This will mix things up a little bit and rock you out of your comfortable rabid weasel rut. Grab a cup and go back and read all these comments. You've racked up enough ideas from the comments alone here for a years' worth of blog topics and if you don't start using some of them someone else will. Like me. And anyway, why does Rabid Weasel have to die for you to write another post? I think I'm going to bake a cake.
*lurking about waiting to be #500*
The 500th commenter gets a banana cream strawberry key lime upside down bourbon chocolate angel food cake. Margaret is baking it right now.
Wait a minute. What is going on here? Where's the other post? And if I win this contest, I sure hope I don't have to bake my own prize. (Did I win?)
HA!!!! Bake me my Pie Margaret....and a dump cake too please
Marjie was 496: W&B is the winner!
@W&B, I think you better wait and see if you are in fact going to be crowned the winner. I mean, you never know, things have a way of just disappearing around here, like they never existed in the first place. Kind of like the blog equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle.
yeah memememem (doing very bad rendition of cabbage patch dance while my husband looks at me like I have lost what's left of my alcohol addled brain)
You should be excited; that cake will be delicious if Marjie doesn't weasel out of it.
yeah baby!!!! (moonwalks.. trips over carpet...lands on ass)
Nothing like hot chicks and cool guns to get the juices flowing.
Weasel out of it? WEASEL OUT OF IT? Where's that last post, mister? You know what, I want my comments back. With interest. I was going to send you another good song link and now I'm not. Weasel out of it. That's pretty....shad. hahahahahaha
Can you delete 11 comments here and make me the winner?
Trudge, guns and hot chicks go together like peanut butter and jelly, but, contrary to what Margaret would have you believe, there's nothing pretty about shad. W&B, don't hurt yourself before Marjie finishes your banana cream strawberry key lime upside down bourbon chocolate angel food cake. Deleting comments is out of the question though there will be additional baked goods awarded at appropriate intervals.
Is Kim aware that you have passed the 500 comment mark?
where's that last post, jeff? where's my italian? i am bereft, i say, totally bereft. (now there's a weird word for ya.) sob sob.

hey, margaret! how's things? while you're whipping up bizarro cake combo, could you just make us some brownies? xoxo
There will be other chances to parade our Italian existentialism, but I've found that if I say "bereft" over and over again really fast while spinning 'round and 'round in my 'puter chair I get dizzy. Larry, what's the truckstop up to now, 25oo?
Candace thank God. You are my last best hope. Do you bake? Tell me if the following mean anything to you: Dump Cake, Oooey Gooey Butter Cake, Better Than Sex Cake. (Lie if you have to.)
Nana, I just checked. 2554 comments, 29 ratings since 11/9/10

This post is averaging 26 posts per day. Kim's post is averaging 22 posts per day.

At the current rates, it would take around 511 days to catch up to the truck stop.
Candace won't help you Marjie. I'm sure she bakes, but only normal things.
Larry, that's discouraging, but on the other hand there can be only one truckstop.
And IQ, Margaret prefers the soft g sound, she said so on my vaporized post from last night. Didn't she? Things got a little hazy there towards the end.
Larry, you are a genius. The cheese product lingerie idea - get on that now! Here's your name: Victoria's Cheesecret. Run with it! But not until my lawyer draws up a contract guaranteeing me 40% of everything.

iq: The problem with "Margie" is it inevitably gets shortened to "Marge." "Marge" has always reminded me of a large, middle-aged unmarried aunt of indeterminate sexual orientation. Which is why I insisted on "Margaret" early on. And mark my words, very soon people are going to be singing the praises, or maybe blogging the praises, of Dump Cake.
margaret that's because of Large Marge from pewee's big adventure
Whatever happened to Pee Wee Herman? I used to live for his show. Meka leka hey meka hiney ho!
Wait, so you don't like Marjie? How did I misremember so badly?
I don't like MARGE. Do you know what happens to a name like that when you're a kid? You get called "Margarine." And "Butter." And "Parkay." Do you have any idea how damaging that can be? Do you think anyone takes you seriously when you're called "Blue Bonnet?" Kids can be so cruel.
IQ, what I always wanted to be called was "Maggie." I had a science teacher who called me "Maggie May" for that Rod Stewart song, and for the whole year the kids called me "Maggie," which I loved. Then it was back to the other names. I always like Marjorie, though. But guess what my last name was? "Jan." I got called that a lot too, by my teachers, because they were just dumb and couldn't keep my first and last names straight.
I had no idea so many people were traumatized by variations of Margaret's name. We could just say Pearl, which is what Margaret means anyway.
IQ, I can only imagine IQ is not a common name there or anywhere! (What nationality is that anyway?) And as far as your mother goes, it's not too late. Start calling her Maggie. I love that name.

Nana, you are absolutely right, "Margaret" does mean pearl. But Pearl is also the name of Mr. Krabs's teenage daughter on Sponge Bob. She is a large gray sperm whale. Aside from the fact that I don't know what a crab mated with to produce a sperm whale, this is not an image I could ever live with. Marjie is good.
i really really wanna call you Mags...just because i can... right nananananananananan?

and tomorrow i might make dump cake.

my smarty pants daughter said she once made a pumpkin pie filling version of and that its more a tort than a cake. she also told me (in her smarty pants sorta way) that dump cake is even better if you hold back a little cake mix to which you add brown sugar & melted butter to & drizzle on top before baking....

have i mentioned shes a smarty pants? and a hell of a cook?
lorianne, I thought I was all alone in the wilderness of community cookbook favorites. Now I have to ask: are you talking Dump Cake or the butter cake? Because the pumpkin version of the butter cake is out of this world but I don't know how you'd make a pumpkin dump cake (that sounds really bad doesn't it). That topping idea sounds great. In fact, I am going to make one tomorrow for my dad and I'll try it. Nothing says I love you like dump cake.
IQ, it would, with a name like that! I never thought of it that way. But I'd hate to waste the ingredients, not to mention the baking time, on someone I was breaking up with. I mean, I guess you could use margarine which is cheaper and not as tasty as butter. And leave out the nuts. But then there's the problem of the baking dish. Do you ask for it back? Or just cut your losses? See how problematic it becomes?
Cakes, isn't it.
This is women, talking about cakes.
Nana --were u asking me if I didn't like Margie? Gawd!! I love Margie, remember when I asked if we could keep her and you said only if I feed her? well turns out she is self feeding! yeah, I know right? Awsome!! love love love her!
Dumpkin cake all around!

W&B, I was asking Mags if she liked Marjie, though I can see how by the wording one might misconstrue it. I know you love Maggie as much as a kitten, and how many kittens even know how to bake?

Kim, it's troubling that the cake talk has now devolved into ways to punish boyfriends with substandard desserts.
More disturbing is this whole thing where what starts out as a healthy discussion of firearms is bent into some kind of rant about food - it always happens here and it's the same people doing it and OS doesn't seem to care and I'm SICK of it !
I share your outrage, it's getting to the point I no longer feel safe here. Have you seen the newest kitchen OC? It's about nuts for crying out loud; I guess after greens there was no way to go but down.
Long time no see Janie. I trust you had a good time in Bora Bora and that the cabana boy is on his way to recovering.
My mom used to pack us off to school with a bull's testicle each to nibble on at recess - if she stays coherent long enough I'll jot down the recipe for the nuts OC.
Next week it'll probably be tofu. Maybe we already did tofu. Maybe it'll be Fun Ways With Grass, for the North Korean readers.
Or sand, for those from Libya.
Tofu has been done, Kim, as has kombucha, that abomination of a drink made from bacteria and yeast. I'm expecting the next one to be "Getting Creative with Cannibalism."

Et tu, Stellaa, et tu?
I like those picks of chicks with guns. Kinda got me hot. I taught all my babes to shoot, in case a crew came after me. But you know what? Whenever they felt a long hard gun in their hand they couldn't focus for too long on firearms training, cause it always reminded them of the big kablam lurking in my pants. HEY!

Mister Andronicus, you're obviously a man of rare refinement and taste. My favorite is the young lady with the M-60, or "hog" as it's sometimes called. You almost remind me of someone...

Stellaa, it's ironic that due to the weasel our names are now forever linked with the legend of Charlie Sheen. Sorta makes me wonder what else our names are now linked to. I hope your vacay was a good one even though they don't have cabana boys in Belgium.
Nuts OC : Ball Bouillabaisse

Prepare medium size wallaby by hitting it on the head and castrating it. Set balls aside.

Bring fish stock to boil, add leek carrot onion celery, simmer.

Boil wallaby balls to firm. Cool and chop roughly.

Add saffron, coriander, garlic to tomato, add water & reduce in separate pan.

Throw the whole arrangement with fish mussels and prawns together and bring back to boil.

Serve with crusty poppyseed baguette.
You have a surprising flair for this. I'm wondering if it has to be wallaby balls or if any marsupial will do.
I've tried kangaroo, wombat, koala, bandicoot etc, but the wallaby ball most closely approximates the human ball in size, giving the chef a moment to reflect, when chopping it into tiny little pieces.
I can see how the reflecting would give a savor of pathos. The thing is, the only marsupial in the Western hemisphere is the possum and they're not particularly well-endowed. I've never heard their presence here, so far from the Antipodes, adequately explained. Something to with continental drift, perhaps. Maybe if we added cilantro?
That's impossible. Cilantro is stomach-calming.
You people are depraved. You make fun of my dump cake and the next thing I see you're trading recipes about the best ways to prepare the balls of adorable exotic animals.
Possums aren't exotic, I saw one in the back yard just a couple weeks ago.
it is no surprise to me that this post has gone from revenge against bad boyfriends to a recipe for cooking testicles. what is a surprise is that Kim is the one who took it there.
And did you start salivating at the sight of the poor little furry critter?

lorianne, did you bake today?
Nah, possums are gross looking, sort of like a mangy gray rat the size of a small dog. You may be off the hook though Marjie; I've been researching dump cake and it turns out it's real and quite likely delicious.

Lorianne, what surprised me was how good Kim's recipe sounded. The coriander was an especially artful touch.
I was just re-reading Kim's recipe and it sounds pretty tasty but I think I'll substitute matzoh balls.
Opossums aren't gross! They're beautiful plus they eat bugs and rats and they're not destructive and they have opposable thumbs on their hind feet. And anything that can play dead and get away with it is in my book a very fine creature.

As for the dump cake - apology accepted.
I saw a possum once in my driveway just before dawn while extremely hung over. It was a female with babies on her back, but in the half-light and with my malfunctioning brain their naked tails waving in the air made it look like one unearthly, hideous creature with a row of tentacles coming out of the top of it like something from a H. P. Lovecraft story. Since I hadn't been expecting to see the Spawn of Nyarlathotep in my driveway it was pretty unnerving.
Wasn't there a guy here who ran a restaurant in Brooklyn and had a squirrel as an avatar ?
That squirrel's cojone's were as big as a wallaby's !
Also, if you're tempted to try my soup, stir in some parsley & shaved reggiano at the end.
Finish the evening with Margaret's dump-cake and a cask of sherry.
I think a cask of Amontillado would be more appropriate, followed up with a tell-tale heart. Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded -- with what caution -- with what foresight, with what dissimulation, I went to work!
Oh wait, Amontillado is sherry. I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. And every night about midnight I turned the latch of his door and opened it oh, so gently! And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern all closed, closed so that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head. Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in!
So many questions...

Nana, were you hung over in your driveway because that's where you woke up? Or were you just going out to pick up the morning paper. And since it was pre-dawn and you were hung over how can you be sure of what you saw - or if you even saw anything?

Kim, I don't like to improvise when I'm cooking something the first time, so I have to ask: any chance of getting precise measurements and ingredients (minus the male parts). I'll probably substitute chicken broth for fish stock. (And fyi, please provide the measurements the normal way, don't use those silly letters like C's and ml's and g's that mean nothing to me and are just a big pain in the butt to make right.)

I hope someone is not listening to Little Feat while also reading Edgar Allen Poe; that seems like a really bad combination.
( Who's been reading Crime & Punishment, wakes up screaming ? )

Margaret 4 cups ( not mugs ) of stock + the juice in the can of diced tomatoes ought to do it. If not fish I wouldn't substitute chicken I'd go for vege stock.
Four cups ( four people, but you can freeze it ) I'd use a dozen (large) prawns, same or so mussels ( some won't open - toss them ) & a decent white fish chopped into pieces.
I measure the herbs by handful : maybe 1/2 a handful each, if they're fresh. 2 cloves garlic. Salt&pepper at the very end.
Has anyone here seen Babette's Feast ?
Amontillado +
All of you are so messed up. I suppose I must come to the kitchen now and show you. Oh for crying out loud.
Kim, I will make it tomorrow, along with the dump cake I did not get to make today. And if you recommend fish stock I'll use it (I hate vegetable stock). As far as the whitefish goes, do you think a side of shad would make a good substitute? It seems to be Nana's favorite fish. I assume it is a very large fish since it sounds like a side of beef.

Haven't seen Babette's Feast but it's supposed to be excellent. I think it won an Oscar. But if you like food movies, the best one I've ever seen is called Big Night, followed by Tortilla Soup.

IQ, forget the kitchen challenge; I think this site is quickly becoming the next allrecipes.com. Pretty soon there's going to be all kinds of ads for cooking supplies here. Could be a gold mine, and to think it all started with a lowly dump cake.
For god's sake, Ablonde, give a person a little lattitude - it works for me ...

See, nan, what happens ?
you're all so messed up, no wonder I just posted what I did, should be ashamed but instead I'm planning the next meal, standing up, not bent over
I like crushed nuts!! Nummy!!!

**Wanders off into the thorn bushes**
Margaret I don't know what shad is, but whatever kind of fish you put in there the soup, the bouillabaisse will be fine - just don't go past boil at the end.
I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed. Ha! would a madman have been so wise as this? And then when my head was well in the room I undid the lantern cautiously -- oh, so cautiously -- cautiously (for the hinges creaked), I undid it just so much that a single thin ray fell upon the vulture eye. And this I did for seven long nights, every night just at midnight, but I found the eye always closed, and so it was impossible to do the work, for it was not the old man who vexed me but his Evil Eye. And every morning, when the day broke, I went boldly into the chamber and spoke courageously to him, calling him by name in a hearty tone, and inquiring how he had passed the night. So you see he would have been a very profound old man, indeed , to suspect that every night, just at twelve, I looked in upon him while he slept.

I used to have a very old two-volume set of Poe's collected works which my dog ate many years ago. I still miss those books.

Have never seen Babette's Feast but from the synopsis it sounds like quite a film.

The possum was real. I fled inside for a moment then came back out and it was still there. Upon closer examination I saw it was a female with babies, not the Spawn of Nyarlathotep at all. You can imagine my relief.
I'll add it to my NetFlix queue then, and will have something appropriately delicious on hand when I watch it. Speaking of which, I'm starving and Myriad just had a post with photos of dim sum and giant Seattle onion rings, dammit!
Okay, so it really was an opossum.

I feel your pain about the books. When I was a kid and my aunt and uncle got divorced, for some reason we came into possession of his leather-bound set of the collected works of Edgar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo and I think, Shakespeare. My sister and I loved the way they smelled and it was fun just to pretend like we were reading them. Then we grew up and both wanted them. We took turns searching the attic and decided whoever found them first would get them. But we couldn't find them. So we finally asked our mother, who informed us that she was sick of them sitting up there collecting dust and she'd given them to the thrift store. Along with some really nice antique toys, an original copy of Raggedy Ann and a bunch of her cool clothes and shoes from the fifties that would be so stylish now. She is a good woman but not very nostalgic.
How awful. Nostalgia aside, that stuff was worth some money. :(
I'm still waiting for "Debbie Does Nebraska" to show up. I already got the potato chips and onion dip for it!! Nummy!!!