thats the balcony view of the new house I found bef I left Lucknow, the one in which I might have stayed at, had I still worked there
view from the bedroom in the new house that I might now never stay at but wd have been pleased to stay at
this is the view out of the only window I had at the old house, this is what I suffered for three months until one day I had to call the police in the end, for four young men made it a habit to sit on this bike till late at night, watching me through that window and I never could open the curtain to my roomand had felt I would die of suffocation. that woman used to abuse me all day and two of the 20 somethings that sat watching thru my window are her sons, they live upstairs, had a huge terrace and a balcony of their own but they had made the front of my window their permanent perch. Her sons are the people that broke the lens of the peephole I had installed at the door to be safe at night,
approach to the old house, you can see it is a bustee
approach to the new house, pic taken on the day I left for home this time
the auditorium ofthe law school I had the good fortune to take a few sessions at - it was located right at the end of the approach to the old house
and this is how the ghetto people treat the auditorium front of a national univ
I am ill, I fell ill and had to come home for treatment and tests, doc suspects latent jaundice; I think it s gastrities bec I skip meals.Had to sincce the office canteen closed down a couple of months ago
Did find a good house, but lost my job, for he took away my book.
So, if and when I do return I would never stay to enjoy the view or the eyespace, but bear memories of the place where I might have been had things been normal for single women in this country and people gave you the roght to be offended about things that would offend anyone tht is normal and expects a decent life, but here in India they think I was "troublemaking" when I protested about the way they encroached upon my space and privacy over there at the old house.
That's the way life has always been with me, I fix one problem, another one crops up and I am never allowed respite or stability. so that is why am now winding up and that is why I am giving up. I never had a chance, I shall never have a chance no matter how much I try or what I do. What matters in this country is who is with you and who you know, and not who you strive to be or grew up to be.
I shall collect my stuff and return. Will I look for another job? No. Am tired. It would always be like this no matter where I go, I realise that now. It is either some basic flaw in me, or it is something out there that I haven't the resource to deal with.
I am content that I completed six books in the seven months I have been here. I learned a good deal. I have worked hard and well.I shd have liked to have retired from this job, but then, we plan, propose, but someone up there disposes....If He has a plan for me though, am not sure I get it. I prayed for fortitude, to be well soon, so as not to be too much work for my old mother.
On the 13th, I reached my destination at about 1700 hours as the train was delayed by 2 hours, had to stay over at the neighbours bec mother said she was at bro's and couldnt send the keys until sunday. We listened to my father's favpurite songs until I fell asleep. That is how I spent the day of his death anniversary this year. No ceremony, no prayers, just that. That is my neighbour in the picture, we grew up together. She was happy to have me and cooked me a meal fit for a sick queen :) and I could keep the food down, surprisingly, I hadnt thrown up that night, and havent since then....
This one father liked and could listen to over and over again