having an affair is.
managing a man in one's life is like managing two jobs at the same time. the end result? ten minutes of pleasant conversation and endless hours of agony.
hurry, worry, hustle, bustle, rough and tough - makes me so tired just to think of it.
somebody on the homepage wrote a nice insightful post with a rather misleading title and I went in to check it out and discovered that she doesn't recommend it either.
but we agree on two diferent planes and this post happened with the title sticking in my mind - and it responding to it.
am single and am expected to - marry, as opposed to having an 'affair'. in fact, if I do suddenly have an affair, they would say am no longer 'me', am pitiable, not positive. in fact, some here in India actually even think it is my responsibility to relieve my poor old mother from the burden of anxiety and worrying about what happens to her daughter once she passes away.
but as it is - it never does solve your 'problems'. you still find yourself watching movies alone during weekends because he has a meeting at office. you still shop by yourself as he is not interested. you come home alone as you are not married and cannot bring him in. or go to his place as it would be a bachelor's dig and it is not done, not at least in small towns (Ahmedabad sounds big, but it really is a glorified village where the social psyche is concerned). you eat alone, you think alone, you plan alone - only you are doing it in double measures in contrast with the times when you were single.
and all the questions: o the questions...when you said five o clock, why could it not be five o clock? why do you never answer the phone (even if I call you at work when I know you would be in class, so what)? why don't you stay with your mum (especially since I feel insecure)? why do you have to work (why can't I call you when I please)? why can't you be more like the other women (because I don't like the way you are)? how can you say that (when I know better already)?
why did you have to pick the child up (when you know it can't be yours and I don't like children?)
and when it reaches a point where you have to make up your mind - the world looks like a thing trapped inside a narrow tunnel that doesn't lead anywhere very restful.....WHAT do you WANT? o indeed - nothing. from YOU!
am sleepy and this is crap - affair...wish it wasn't tho...sometimes