Apparently I missed a day, and posted one late. Three fourths of the way through grad school, very broke and stressed, leaves me pretty frazzled these days. I wasn't sure if I had managed to post each day, or not.
It appears as though I'm not perfect after all though, and neither will this year of journaling. But then that was certain to come out at some point. No matter.
The last line of today's meditation is this: No matter what, we must always be true to our inner selves.
I feel like I'm getting better at this. Still learning, still working on it, but better than yesterday at least.
Tonight I struggle with the fact that one facet of my inner self seems to be the ability to get too deeply emotionally wrapped up in a woman. The conversation, the dance, the flirtation...the intelligence and sensuality. And this woman in particular is incredibly sexual, and sexual in ways that I've tended toward mentally and emotionally but never fully explored. Power and control and dominance and submission and playing with arousal like I don't remember ever experiencing. She's helping me learn about my sexual and gender expression..and that feels really good. I just wish I were able to maintain a little more stability, a little more level-headed-ness in the midst of learning, of witnessing her awesome femme mystique. She's incredibly sweet and beautiful as well, quite overwhelming really. It's fun and positive. Just overwhelming too.
Tomorrow is another day to keep learning and trying to be a better me.
First of three weekends for this budget class is over, one weekend closer to the end.
Spendings: Lunch/beer at Applebees, $16