It's about priorities. And iBanana's™ Masturphone™
demonstrates my priorities to family and friends! Don't bother
me while I'm Masturphoning!™ - User Testimonial
Don't call. Masturphone™
Instant Turn-On™ Technology lights up my
Masturphone™ the moment I bring it near my lips!
I can't keep my hands off it! - User Testimonial
Go ahead. Touch it.
Fondling is believing.
Status? iBanana™ is all about status.
In the office, on the train, in a public park: my big,
new Masturphone™ shows the world it's time for
my personal business. - User Testimonial
Miniaturization is out. Huge is in.
The iBanana™ Masturphone™
I misplaced it once for two hours — and it left me
writhing in agony! As long as I can Masturphone™ I'm as
serene as can be. All day long! - User Testimonial
Redesigned. Reengineered. Re-inserted. Masturphone™
When the world gets to be too much, I can take it out and
fiddle with it! I like to leave the iBanana™ Masturphone™ on
my lap for casual and unfettered access! - User Testimonial
Your world. In your lap. Masturphone™
My husband says I'm always twiddling all
those darling little Masturphone™ fiddle-diddles!
I just can't help myself! - User Testimonial
Fiddle. Diddle. Spittle.
The iBanana™ Masturphone™
War, homelessness, global warming — today's world is so full of
trivial distractions! The new Masturphone™ from iBanana™ helps me to
stay focused on what's important. Me. - User Testimonial
Engineered for the Self-seeking Class.
That's you. That's Masturphone™
I like to poke those shiny little buttons for hours and hours!
No matter how much I use and abuse it, iBanana's™ new
Masturphone™ never wears out! - User Testimonial
So many features you'll have to grow an extra finger.
I can't stop playing with it! - User Testimonial
Big. Bigger. Biggest. Masturphone™
I love iBanana's™ sleek new pouch — made from Sustainable
Indonesian Monkey Fur.™ It protects my new Masturphone™
while protecting the environment! - User Testimonial
No matter the occasion, you'll find me
fondling my new iBanana™ Masturphone™! There's
always something to do with my hands — and no messy
social interactions required! - User Testimonial
Self-stimulating. The all new Masturphone™
Before iBanana™ I was unfulfilled. But the new
Masturphone™ changed everything! There's so much
to see, to touch, to investigate: all in one big
device right there on my lap! - User Testimonial
Exploring places you never thought you'd go.
New Sext-2-Me™ Security Technology ensures all of my
sext-messages are sent to someone who really wants them — me!
No provider contract required! - User Testimonial
Masturphone.™ Big. Bold. Turbocharged.
Just like you.
When hands are busy, iBanana's™ new
Lingus-Engineering™ feature allows me to manipulate the
Masturphone™ with my tongue! - User Testimonial
From the Mind of iBanana™
. . .
© Monsieur Chariot 2011
More from Monsieur Chariot:
A Life in Pictures (pt 1)
A Life in Pictures (pt 2)
Cherished, Handwritten Notes