As you may perhaps be only peripherally aware, M. Chariot is renowned as a gentleman of some savoir-faire in social settings where ladies are present. It has occurred to me that gents aspiring to sang-froid, to gentlemanly poise, might benefit from my chimerical and passionate adventures in the world's most exquisite salons.
Thusly, I submit 10 Things A Gentleman Must Never Do,
for the edification of the novice who wishes to make
the sublime impression.
Never allow one's top hat to become dented or soiled - one must diligently maintain it in pristine condition. The gentleman never knows when he will be seeking entrance to a new social circle; as such, it is important to appear as elegantly turned out as possible.
'Rrround the clock!
Never presuppose that one's fancy silk waistcoat, tailcoat, frock coat or striped trousers are beyond reproach; lo, they should be routinely evaluated against the very pinnacle of contemporary fashion. Out-of-date styles are anathema to the ladies!
Never forget to use a removable bib-front on formal shirts!
In a social emergency, the removable bib-front may be reversed to hide stains incurred by an ill-considered enthusiasm for the veal.
Never imagine that items such as leather braces, the pocket watch, the fob or the cravat are needlessly extravagant: lavish accessories are key to the stylish gentleman's wardrobe. Some etiquette books indicate that it is unseemly to allow a man's skin to touch a woman, making gloves an absolute necessity.
When surreptitiously evaluating a lady's décolletage, never drop your monocle! Considered by some the more unbecoming misstep, never drop your monocle directly into the lady's décolletage. I cannot emphasize this more strenuously.
If a gentleman drops his monocle into a lady's décolletage, never attempt to fish it out by tugging briskly at its gold chain. This may seem like a good idea in the heat of the embarrassment, but it will not go unnoticed if snagged on a bit of lace, I can assure you.
Never kneel down before a nude lady to pick up her lace dress, if it has been accidentally torn from her person by a misguided attempt to retrieve one's snagged monocle.
Never spring or leap in an effort to reclaim one's top hat from a chandelier if it has been kicked there by a nude lady.
In mixed company, this action will be considered
most indelicate, an impropriety.
Never grasp and yank one's top hat from a chandelier,
which may have the undesirable effect of bringing the entire chandelier down - an undignified faux pas from which one
will never recover socially.