I'm training for life. 

In this blink of an eye that we are allowed on this planet, we are never done growing.  We have the infinite ability to expand, love, heal, learn, and evolve our way of being.  Physical training, for me, is about transformation.  Doing this challenging workout that is always difficult is helping me to handle life's difficulties. 

It's not just about being here alone in my apartment working out for hours. Doing this workout has proved to me that I am not superwoman.  I can't do this alone, and I must ask for help, even ask for miracles.

When Gabby Bernstein invited me to her Expect Miracles retreat weekend up at Kripalu, that was a miracle.  For so long, I have not been connected to my Christianity.  In fact, I resented it, pushed it aside,  and judged it as being for small minded people who needed structure and rules and control.   Earlier this summer I downloaded the book A Course in Miracles into my Ipad and have been trying to do it on my own.  It just wasn't sticking.  But when my  I picked up Gabby's book, Spirit Junkie  my mind and heart opened and it felt good.

 

 

 

When I was growing up as a Jehovah's Witness,  we were a part of a beautiful community of loving people. I was baptized when I was 12 years old and believed and was happy to dedicate the rest of my life to that lifestyle.  Leaving that community to become an actor, was the hardest thing I ever had to do at that time of my life.  My 19 year old mind  felt like I was making a deal with the devil.  The deal, make me famous and I'll leave my God, my Jehovah who I had, trusted, loved so much that I dedicated my life to him in service, in exchange for post Armageddon life here on paradise earth as a perfect being eternally young and healthy.  Leaving that faith, "The Truth" as Jehovah's Witnesses call it was the ultimate divorce.

In order to break that contract, I had to divorce myself from all of Christianity and I had to make Christianity bad.  Now, I would never admit that to anyone, but in my mind that's what I had to do. 

From the age of 19 to 31 Acting  was my new religion.  There's definitely a connection between the church and the theater and that is why I love theater so much.   Then September 11, 2001 I saw the towers fall standing on 6th ave and 13th st and I felt my mortality.  I dove into my African Dance and Yoga Practice in full force. I had no work, so what else could I do?   I even started working at Jivamukti Yoga School as a Chef,  they with an offer to become a Jivmukti teacher.  But  the more involved I became with that culture the more I realized that atmosphere just was not right for me and I needed to separate from that world.

I most recently transformed into "Relationship Jeanine" living with my boyfriend and creating a false "domesticated life" here in Park Slope.  The Health Coach/Chef/JourneyDance Teacher with the awesome Drummer boyfriend.  I was totally future tripping seeing us facilitating workshops all over the world and living in abundance.  But that was all an illusion and easily crumpled like a house made of matchsticks.

So this past winter in my darkest hour, when I felt life wasn't worth living a voice said to me WAKE THE FUCK UP.  I made a choice.  I was not giving up and I had to dig deeper and find some help.  I needed a miracle.  Gabby's book came to me I read about love and angels, taking responsibility and I said yes.  Spirituality in a pair of high heeled shoes with that fierce NYC attitude.  Yes. 

One day in meditation I remembered that feeling of connection from when I was a girl of faith. I remembered  LOVE.  I remembered the lessons I knew from the Bible lessons of forgiveness and love redemption and inner strength.  I remembered the comfort of knowing that there were Angels with me protecting me and that I was a Christian in the true sense of the word, and I did not have to be ashamed.  I saw that I can define the type of Christian I want to be.  I don't have to be a bible quoting judgemental homophobic Christian.  I don't even have to tell anybody that I'm a Christian!! And  I can cuss, have sex, and wear my heels and be sassy and loud, brazen and bold!  I don't have to go around trying to save anybody, I can worry about saving and taking care of and LOVE myself first...and I smiled. 

The reality of life is that we all need tools in order to deal with our individual realities.  For each one of us, the tools are unique and specific to each one of us.  My tool won't necessarily work for you and you know what?  That's okay.   We can all co-exist, be friends, live together in harmony and appreciation.  But all that takes discipline,work and training.  It all takes... LOVE.

For me, doing these insane workouts help me to train my mind for the insanity of my reality.  Moving my body to the point of exhaustion allows me to physically work out all the ego and there's no energy left for bullshit.  All that's left..is LOVE.  Life is spectacular and it is also relentless.  The discipline of training the body physically facilitates the possibility of training the mind.  I am totally imperfect in both, but I'm taking action every day. 

That's my reality.
J9

6:30 am Insanity Max Interval Circuit  mission accomplished and boy was it ugly but I got through it.

7:30 am Breakfast smoothie same as yesterday (had leftover) with 2 hard boiled eggs, Drink:  mix of coconut water, OJ, Spirulina powder and filtered water for my water bottle.

10:30am  Green apple snack

1:00pm  Lunch   Chicken sandwich on multi-grain with mixed greens and tomato and water

7:00pm  Dinner  Black beans and rice with mixed greens salad  sauteed kale with mushrooms