Memories of when my car was new come to mind here. Memories of running, playing in Purple Vetch and Clover covered pastures chasing the winds. Laying still and watching the rabbits play. Birds calling. Blue skies and white fluffy clouds floating over.
I was always a small thing. I so wanted to be tall. Stretching exercises became a routine. If only I reached for those skies. I jus' wanted to be tall. I never made it. I am 5'3". The only direction I ever grew was wider......
When I hit the age of adulthood, I started noticing things going south. I had too many colds, respiratory infections. I walked and rode my bicycle. Backpacking became a favorite of mine. Nothing like a bonfire on a far away spot in the woods to make me forget any problems I had to worry about. My car was fine, I jus' needed more exercise, right??
Then came three childbirths, and the doctors. Operations. 10 in all. I have no more spare parts left here. When the surgeon put the hernia patch in my abdomen, he told me my skin was septic. The cut was from my pelvic bone to above my belly button. It took a year to heal. I was beside myself by then. But glad.
'Never can I be cut open. Thank you gods.'
Depression set in with a black vengence. I hated my body. It was sooo sick. I got told I had jus' about every kind of bad disease. I took pills by the handful. I believed everything the good doctors said. Take this one before you eat in the a.m. Take this one and this one together before bed. Take this one six times the first day, five times the next day, wah wah wah. It became my religion. The good doctors were smart. They became my new gods and now I had religion. My car jus' needed fixing, right?? Get the best mechanic. Get several specialists. I got 'em. They fixed my car so well. I found myself in a hospital bed and had a wheelchair. Black vinyl and shiny chrome. I continued the ever going handfuls of little white pills.
'This will fix it, I know it will.' Stoned to the gills, I was. I lost so much, stoned to the gills. My life. Gone....
Finally, something hit me. My car was not gonna crank one day at this rate. The little white pills went in a box and got threw in the closet. I gotta learn to make my car run again. Learn to walk.
'Run, dammit, run.'
It would not go much at first. I learned to prime it with Cannabis. I learned to get hungry and eat again. Normal like. Fresh fruits and veggies. Cannabis helped me regain much that I had lost.
'It does not stop the chronic pain, jus' puts it in the next room. I can live with that.'
Meditation became a new daily habit. Long hot soaks in a jacuzzi tub. Listening to soft music.
People as me how I do it. I take no pills.
I have learned my car well. I can push here but not here. I can run it down the road but the next day I gonna pay for that fun. That does not stop me.
'I still love to run.'
I aim to keep my body going here. It sucks having a lemon.
The car runs like hell.
But the driver is doing well.