I spent the first few months trying to rest up after years of heart ache, turmoil, disappointment, and simple lack of sleep…

Yet I always found myself reaching for my ‘cover’ when I went outside…where was my cap?

I had to stand, and stare at a closet full of worn, old clothes trying to figure out what to put on each day, and felt so-damn-lost.  Is it true your shoes have to match your outfit?  Wow…for 20 years I wore the same combat boots, without a thought or a care…They were ‘me’…

So who was I now, without the uniform, title, and stripes on my sleeve that dictated who I was every single day?  I sadly, had no idea…I spent days crying, staying up late drinking, and fighting sleep for I knew the dreams would only haunt me the next day. 

Yet now, I am trying to pave my own path…albeit tough, I lay stone by stone the dreams I hope to achieve. 

Let the nay Sayers say what they will…I will find my way…eventually…

But I miss those times; sometimes…I miss the respect, the purpose, the pride that was held up for my country…

For now I am a bit of a fish out of water…but I will, keep, swimming…