AUGUST 3, 2009 8:54PM

Metafirsts (for Nabina)

On the Grid


This post has a metaness quotient of zero (no metas).

Jeeves Bw At the entreaty of their dear friend, Nabina, Melissa and Michael have agreed to discuss their firsts. Are you ready, Michael?

Michael Bw Yes, I’m ready.

Jeeves Bw Melissa?

Melissa Bw Sure. Fire away.

Jeeves Bw Here is your fi/…

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Tinkerbell Waiting


Here, at last, is the long-ago–promised Tinkerbell post. It was written almost two months ago, before we had formalized our lettering system. We apologize in advance for the extreme metaness of this post.

Tinkerbell Bw (scratching nails down sliding glass door)

Melissa Bw Oh my gosh./…

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Obama Firewalk

Jeeves Bw The post that finally displaced Kaysong’s “My Sexiest Men Living” was titled “Swinging Dicks & Bouncing Boobies (with Puppies!!!)”. It got a 5000 rating and stayed at number one in the Most Viewed column for so long that everyone’s monitor s/… Read full post »

JULY 21, 2009 1:23AM

The Boogeyman Is Keepin’ a Diary

Sunshine and Presents

Michael Bw(A) I’ve just decided I’m gonna be in a perpetual state of quitting OS.

Melissa Bw(A) Haha.

Michael Bw(A) Every morning I wake up, and I read the front page and I see what people are commenting on and reading and spending their time on, and I get so depressed./Read full post »

The Clown Hates Himself in Mirror

Michael Bw (sings)

     Where Was Elvis when he died?

     He was poopin’, poopin’, poopin’!

Melissa Bw (laughs)

Michael Bw I wish songs could just be that long. I could make a million of them.

     (A) Elvi/
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JULY 12, 2009 3:53PM

Snippets Sunday: Propaganda

Uncle Sam Is Watching


Welcome to the first installment of Snippets Sunday. Since many of these were written a while ago, you may find some anachronisms. Happy snipping!

Snippet No. 1

Michael: You know how on American Chopper you can tell the dialogue has… Read full post »
JULY 10, 2009 5:09PM

Fragments Friday: Tinkerbell!

Tinkerbell Closeup


Welcome to the first installment of Fragments Friday. Since many of these were written a while ago, you’ll find some anachronisms—like referring to Franny and Zooey as “girls.” Now, enjoy three cool, refreshing sips of metaness lite.

Fragment No. 1Read full post »
Superior Pride

Michael: I can remember a couple of months into boot camp, looking up at the American flag and bursting into tears. I couldn’t even control it. I was so moved to think of what it really represented. Unfortunately, my love of country has gone downhill fromRead full post »

A Flood

Michael: (performing)

     OS, again?

     You love OS, Mikey.

     (babbling) Glooflen. glueflen gloo . . .

     (A) What’s that?

Melissa: (A) That was from the other night. Another f/… Read full post »

Zooey and Franny


This post is dedicated to all of our loving readers.
We wish you continued inspiration and healing for this dear community.

Melissa: (waking) What time is it, love?

Michael: (E) 12:46.

Melissa: (E) Hahaha.


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Editor’s Pick
JUNE 21, 2009 3:33PM

My Father Was the Villain of My Childhood

Alone at the Rest Stop

Michael: My Father’s Day story would go like this:

     My dad was Irish. My dad was a cook. My dad beat my mother to a pulp. My dad left. I’ve never seen or heard from my dad again.

Melissa: (A) Didn’t he beat your mom because she wanted to/… Read full post »

JUNE 19, 2009 12:51AM

Happy Belated Birthday, Grandma

Margaret, circa 1945

Melissa: One thing I realize is so great about OS is I’m getting to do so much more reading now. I get to read because I have to read.

Michael: If that’s what’s happening, I’m delighted.


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Bug Huntin'

Michael: We posted our post?

     That seems unbelievable.

Melissa: I know.

Michael: Is it any good?

     If you were giving it a grade, what would you give it?

Melissa: I don’t know. It wasn’t as strong as the last one, but we just n/… Read full post »

JUNE 14, 2009 3:35AM

This Boo-Boo Itches

A Park Stroll Interrupted

Michael: You know what really disturbs me about what we just said?

     Talking about if we’re real or not.

Melissa: I wonder if it’s more obvious to people who’ve been reading us from the beginning—

Michael: Has anyone been reading us from theRead full post »

The Three Predicaments

This post is dedicated to dj, who seeded it. Peece!

Melissa: These posts are getting way too long. We’ve gotta make a short one.

Michael: Yeah.

Melissa: (typing comment)

Michael: No winkies.

Melissa: Smiley.

Michael. No winkies. No smilies. No series of exclamation points.

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Who Stinks?

Michael: Can we finish this, please?

     (C) That would be nice.

     (A) So are you reading now? Are we in metaland?

Melissa: (A) Yes.

     (A) (reads “We’ve got so many things to finish, it’s scary./… Read full post »

Night Scrape

Melissa: (moving dropped lines to deleted.txt)

Michael: Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop!

     It’s like you want to try and take all the crumbs of our words and make bread out of them later.

Melissa: (A) ”Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop!”

Michael: (A) I&rRead full post »

Everything's Planted

Michael: I’m just about to cap it off—

     (C) We need a way to indicate when the line our reader is reading exists outside of the normal timeline, like this one.

Melissa: (C) What about putting it in square brackets? And each subsequent sub-conversation/… Read full post »

Discarded Items

Michael: This is gonna be our first subjectless post.

Melissa: I hope that doesn’t mean it’s going to be pointless, too.

Michael: I’m beginning to believe all of these are pointless.

Melissa: You would think that.

     Let’s get back to/… Read full post »


Michael: Maybe we should start having artwork.

Melissa: Like what?

Michael: You’ll see.


     I’m gonna name the subject right off the bat this time.


Melissa: Don’t you need to eat?

Michael: I don&rRead full post »

Melissa: Okay, now we can eat.

Michael: Don’t worry about “eat,” let’s get back to the text.

Melissa: Okay, okay.

Michael: I don’t wanna work on this now.

Melissa: Whaddyou mean?

Michael: We’ve got six others started. I wanna finish one of those first.

Melissa: But wha… Read full post »

Michael: Here you go, love.

     (offering other half of candybar)

     Here’s your evil bar.
Melissa: Save it.

     (rushing to keyboard)


&nb… Read full post »

Michael: So it wasn’t bad news after all, was it?

Melissa: No, they’re having a family reunion sort of thing. Danny was just calling to see if we could come, even though he knew we probably couldn’t.

Michael: That’s good. At least it wasn’t something bad.

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MAY 22, 2009 7:05AM

Danny’s Ominous Voicemail

Michael: There’s a difference between words that are written to be read, and words that are said to be heard. In speaking, we’re usually looking for simplicity of expression with all pertaining facts secondary—

Melissa: If you’re looking for simplicity of expression, you should… Read full post »

Michael: Sorry about all that hyper meta fascistic crap earlier.

Melissa: What “hyper meta fascistic crap?”

Michael: You know. Not mentioning the subject or allowing exclamation points. All that stuff.

     I’m just excited about writing this, and that former gung-ho p
Read full post »