Life's not fair

dammit

Matt Paust

Matt Paust
Location
Gloucester, Virginia,
Birthday
December 31
Bio
Sorry - writer's block... BTW the "birthday" listed above is false. I prefer to keep that day private, but am not permitted to do so here, so I'm forced to lie.

MY RECENT POSTS

 west virginia

 USS West Virginia

[I first heard this terrible story in the early days of the Internet, probably pre-Google, from a newspaper colleague.  She covered the Navy at the time and had heard it from one of her sources.  I wanted to research it and write it up… Read full post »

DECEMBER 6, 2011 9:48PM

This just in...

I've just been handed this bulletin:  GOP National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus has admitted that three new candidates are being groomed to step into the race for the party's presidential nomination in the event more untoward occurrences nudge the two leading contenders from the race.

PrieRead full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2011 8:13AM

Sometimes the hawk wins

Possibly a stretch to say Rufus's end resembled tragedy in the classic sense.  The pigmy rooster didn't take any noticeable pride in his special ability, no pride beyond the usual arrogance of the ordinary rooster. 

rooster His demise should not be blamed on the amazing rapport he'd developRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 29, 2011 9:26AM

Shakespeare & Co.

 

After 45 years I still don't know what it was about me that George Whitman didn't like, if anything. It might have been my haircut. He might have thought I was a CIA agent. I was an American on leave from the Army and Whitman's Communist convictions were causing… Read full post »
NOVEMBER 27, 2011 10:07AM

I gave The New Yorker a giggle

 

Alysa Salzberg mentioned The New Yorker in her post yesterday about seven things she was surprised she liked.  This started a chain-reaction in my own head that led to my remembrance of a thing past involving said magazine, which I have never liked much either except for the cartoons.

Read full post »

 

The Atlantic Monthly's poetry editor (her name was Phoebe) decades ago saved my fragile writer's ego with a personal note rejecting some poems I'd submitted.  She graciously acknowledged she liked one of them, about being cornered by a spider in the shower, but went on to dismiss the bunc

Read full post »
NOVEMBER 18, 2011 9:53AM

We're not bloggers, we're baroquists

Augmenting my barks of laughter with a sense of highbrowness whilst reading Con Chapman's collection of short hilarities, Boston Baroques, is the delightful awareness I'm not merely reading some classy coffee-spewing-funny vignettes called "baroques" but that I, too, write baroques here on Open Salo/… Read full post »
NOVEMBER 17, 2011 8:03AM

No tears for Arlene

Arlene Walrond's short story "Tears for My Mother" is so poignant and raw and its voice so true I hesitated to ask her if it was autobiographic.  She relieved my anxiety with an emphatic "no," that the story is a product of her fertile imagination.

Yet the very authenticity of herRead full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2011 10:40AM

Hobbled to glory

It was my moment. The phrase flashed on and off in my head like the blue neon Pabst in the window down at Morey's. A tombstone then floated into view and there it was again, engraved beneath my name: "Hobbled to glory."

Clearly this was it.  All my days'Read full post »

NOVEMBER 4, 2011 8:07PM

Disaster in Iceland

 

Watch these Super Töit ponies prance across the ice and then...

iceland ponies

 

 

Thanks to Margaret Gunning

 

hit counter for tumblr Read full post »
NOVEMBER 3, 2011 8:22AM

Thursday Swing

 

Not much to say about this other than to suggest you turn your speakers up and make sure you have room to shake and dance.

Watch this and then try to dispute music can bring us all together, if only we give it a chance.

My feet are still jumping.

 Read full post »

OCTOBER 27, 2011 8:57PM

Amazon to publish real books

My thanks to fellow OSer Peter Winkler for posting a link in his comment on Ed Gorman's blog about the advent of Amazon's expansion into publishing more than just ebooks.  Peter's link is to a piece by Ruth Franklin in The New Republic with the rather startling title, WhyRead full post »

 
There is much controversy over theories The Fates either have run out of faces or have an unsettling sense of humor.
 
 

The Fates

 

the fates
 
 
 
 
 
Speculation began among Fateswatchers in the 1950s, when it became apparent TheRead full post »
OCTOBER 22, 2011 8:52PM

Google this!

I was feeling rather upbeat today.  Things seemed to be going somewhat my way.  In fact, I was on the verge of a smug attack, thinking how righteous I'd been some years back turning down an offer to work for Google.  Smug because now that I'm a bonafide member… Read full post »
OCTOBER 18, 2011 10:02PM

Bulletin issued for "Fernsy's Bully"

 
A prisoner known only as "Fernsy's Bully" has escaped from custody and was last seen heading west on a broom she allegedly stole from the supply closet at Rikers Island where she was being held on charges of Facebook fraud, to wit: listing too many interests that conflicted with/Read full post »
OCTOBER 14, 2011 12:21PM

Funnyball (now with gif graphics!)

 
With baseball's pennant race in full swing and the World Series just ahead, another season will soon be over, leaving baseball junkies with nothing to do but stare out the window and wait for spring, as Hall-of-Famer Rogers Hornsby suggested long ago.  Or, as I'm suggesting now, read ConRead full post »
OCTOBER 11, 2011 2:58PM

This is a job for...SPAMFIGHTER!!!!

spamfighter

 

Might have stumbled upon a way to rid the feed of the vermin.  A simple call to SPAMFIGHTER.  Why didn't I think of this before?

SPAMFIGHTER answered my call immediately.  Glad to help, said he.  Here's what he did:  Went straight to the feed, calledRead full post »

OCTOBER 9, 2011 10:24AM

Sunday chuckle

Margaret Gunning posted this and other gifs involving cats on her wonderful blog House of Dreams.   I'd put them all up here, but that would use up too much of my skimpy bandwidth allotment.  I copied this one because we have roosters and we have a cat - JaxRead full post »

 

My sister told me the other day she and a cousin have been doing a little genealogical research and think we may have a Jewish ancestor on my father's side.  I was raised in the Gulf of Ambivalence separating my mother's mild-but-devout Lutheranism and my dad's snarky atheism.  

IRead full post »

 

GoDaddy would want our cold cash

But we ain't got enough of that stash.

Most other lit sites keep the riff raff away

Unless you're a friend or are willing to pay.

There are specialty places with limitedRead full post »

OCTOBER 6, 2011 8:08AM

Been good to know yuh

You gave us a way, for our fingers to play

All the night and the day, and new words we could say

Such as cursor and alt, reboot, mouse, scroll and save

And now you are gone from our midst so we wave: (Well, it's...)

 … Read full post »

OCTOBER 5, 2011 8:56AM

My do-over wish

A sheriff's deputy talked her out of jumping.  She was sitting on a ledge below the roadway over the river.  It was late at night and no one else was around. The deputy just happened to see her sitting out there.  He parked his cruiser on theRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 2:22PM

Price of perfection

Adverse emotions jousted in my head when I finally recognized the typo. It was an 18-point italic head. You don't misspell words that big. Not if you're trying to pass yourself off as a professional writer – a literary one, at that.

But I do andRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 27, 2011 6:37PM

Come see the new book!

 

I know many of you whom I consider friends have a different view than mine on the issue of personal gun ownership.  With this in mind I'm sharing here the foreword to my just-released collection of stories, If the Woodsman is Late. Some of you may rememberRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 26, 2011 1:19PM

OUTRAGEOUS SHOOTING!

 
Somebody left a comment on the attached video that Bob Munden is prepared for the inevitable  zombie invasion.  Well, after watching the two-hour DVD, Outrageous Shooting, I would agree.  I would also agree were anyone to suggest that Bob's wife, Becky, is ready too and were I aRead full post »