El Id

is a brat

Matt Paust

Matt Paust
Location
Gloucester, Virginia,
Birthday
December 31
Bio
Sorry - writer's block... BTW the "birthday" listed above is false. I prefer to keep that day private, but am not permitted to do so here, so I'm forced to lie.

MY RECENT POSTS

DECEMBER 30, 2011 7:09PM

My ignominious OS debut Jan. 1, 2010

 

fireworx

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Two years ago, on the first day of 2010 and the rest of my life, I pinched my nose and cannonballed off the high dive into my first OS dustup.  It was a leap of glorious ignorance, clad in the ragged Speedo/Read full post »

DECEMBER 29, 2011 3:23PM

Waltzing Cowboys

I always make it a point to buy at least one book at book signings where I'm also pushing product.  My motives are mixed.  I joke that it's like priming a pump.  I buy one of yours and you reciprocate.  I did this at my first signing, with three other authors,… Read full post »
DECEMBER 27, 2011 11:47AM

Reverse mugging

Got this in an email.  Purportedly a Craig's List personal ad.  I've seen it before and have never vetted it, but even if it's fiction it's a hoot.

 

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I wasRead full post »

DECEMBER 23, 2011 8:05PM

One magic night - Lezlie's open call

And it would have to be magic.  Pixie dust or some really fine coke and rose colored glasses for the lady so she'd see someone other than a Col. Sanders lookalike with the struggling charm of Elmer Fudd's feckless cousin Fester.  With that taken care of, guaranteed no failRead full post »

DECEMBER 22, 2011 1:06PM

John Pugh murals

 

mural1

Main Street, Los Gatos, California. The "woman" peering into the ruin is part of the mural.
 
 

mural2

Taylor Hall, California State University, Chico, California . The Doric-style columns are actually nothing but paint.

 

mural3

Honolulu, Hawaii. This mural took tRead full post »
DECEMBER 17, 2011 7:21PM

Cat eyes

 

zing

 

 

Deadly in the grocery aisles

Where they wait

To strike

After toying with unbeknownst prey,

Luring with surrogates their hidden carnivorous power

Quiet, allowing implicit swagger in the dress,

Forward cap tilt reveals enough brown hair gleam,

Sleek cheekRead full post »

DECEMBER 14, 2011 12:38PM

When Santa brought the tree.

Maybe Santa's gotten too old to do it all himself anymore.  In a way, that's disappointing.  He always brought the gifts - all of them, even the ones from relatives - and the tree and he decorated the tree, all by himself while my sister and I and our parentsRead full post »

DECEMBER 12, 2011 7:24PM

Newt Gingrich's famous fruitcake recipe

Clarification: Might be Gingrich's recipe.

 

 
This from Margaret Gunning's blog

It's that time again, and I'm wondering WHY it is that no one seems to like fruitcake.

Fruitcake is festive. Fruitcake is friendly.

Fruitcake has such fine and wholesome ingred
Read full post »

[Taking a break from doing my own writing for the second time this week.  This is a happier story than the last one, about the men trapped on the USS West Virginia at Pearl Harbor. It is another WWII septuagenarian tale, McQueen but of a different kind of heroism.  The 1963… Read full post »

 west virginia

 USS West Virginia

[I first heard this terrible story in the early days of the Internet, probably pre-Google, from a newspaper colleague.  She covered the Navy at the time and had heard it from one of her sources.  I wanted to research it and write it up… Read full post »

DECEMBER 6, 2011 9:48PM

This just in...

I've just been handed this bulletin:  GOP National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus has admitted that three new candidates are being groomed to step into the race for the party's presidential nomination in the event more untoward occurrences nudge the two leading contenders from the race.

PrieRead full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2011 8:13AM

Sometimes the hawk wins

Possibly a stretch to say Rufus's end resembled tragedy in the classic sense.  The pigmy rooster didn't take any noticeable pride in his special ability, no pride beyond the usual arrogance of the ordinary rooster. 

rooster His demise should not be blamed on the amazing rapport he'd developRead full post »

NOVEMBER 27, 2011 10:07AM

I gave The New Yorker a giggle

 

Alysa Salzberg mentioned The New Yorker in her post yesterday about seven things she was surprised she liked.  This started a chain-reaction in my own head that led to my remembrance of a thing past involving said magazine, which I have never liked much either except for the cartoons.

Read full post »

 

The Atlantic Monthly's poetry editor (her name was Phoebe) decades ago saved my fragile writer's ego with a personal note rejecting some poems I'd submitted.  She graciously acknowledged she liked one of them, about being cornered by a spider in the shower, but went on to dismiss the bunc

Read full post »
NOVEMBER 18, 2011 9:53AM

We're not bloggers, we're baroquists

Augmenting my barks of laughter with a sense of highbrowness whilst reading Con Chapman's collection of short hilarities, Boston Baroques, is the delightful awareness I'm not merely reading some classy coffee-spewing-funny vignettes called "baroques" but that I, too, write baroques here on Open Salo/… Read full post »
NOVEMBER 17, 2011 8:03AM

No tears for Arlene

Arlene Walrond's short story "Tears for My Mother" is so poignant and raw and its voice so true I hesitated to ask her if it was autobiographic.  She relieved my anxiety with an emphatic "no," that the story is a product of her fertile imagination.

Yet the very authenticity of herRead full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2011 10:40AM

Hobbled to glory

It was my moment. The phrase flashed on and off in my head like the blue neon Pabst in the window down at Morey's. A tombstone then floated into view and there it was again, engraved beneath my name: "Hobbled to glory."

Clearly this was it.  All my days'Read full post »

NOVEMBER 4, 2011 8:07PM

Disaster in Iceland

 

Watch these Super Töit ponies prance across the ice and then...

iceland ponies

 

 

Thanks to Margaret Gunning

 

hit counter for tumblr Read full post »
NOVEMBER 3, 2011 8:22AM

Thursday Swing

 

Not much to say about this other than to suggest you turn your speakers up and make sure you have room to shake and dance.

Watch this and then try to dispute music can bring us all together, if only we give it a chance.

My feet are still jumping.

 Read full post »

OCTOBER 27, 2011 8:57PM

Amazon to publish real books

My thanks to fellow OSer Peter Winkler for posting a link in his comment on Ed Gorman's blog about the advent of Amazon's expansion into publishing more than just ebooks.  Peter's link is to a piece by Ruth Franklin in The New Republic with the rather startling title, WhyRead full post »

 
There is much controversy over theories The Fates either have run out of faces or have an unsettling sense of humor.
 
 

The Fates

 

the fates
 
 
 
 
 
Speculation began among Fateswatchers in the 1950s, when it became apparent TheRead full post »
OCTOBER 22, 2011 8:52PM

Google this!

I was feeling rather upbeat today.  Things seemed to be going somewhat my way.  In fact, I was on the verge of a smug attack, thinking how righteous I'd been some years back turning down an offer to work for Google.  Smug because now that I'm a bonafide member… Read full post »
OCTOBER 14, 2011 12:21PM

Funnyball (now with gif graphics!)

 
With baseball's pennant race in full swing and the World Series just ahead, another season will soon be over, leaving baseball junkies with nothing to do but stare out the window and wait for spring, as Hall-of-Famer Rogers Hornsby suggested long ago.  Or, as I'm suggesting now, read ConRead full post »
OCTOBER 11, 2011 2:58PM

This is a job for...SPAMFIGHTER!!!!

spamfighter

 

Might have stumbled upon a way to rid the feed of the vermin.  A simple call to SPAMFIGHTER.  Why didn't I think of this before?

SPAMFIGHTER answered my call immediately.  Glad to help, said he.  Here's what he did:  Went straight to the feed, calledRead full post »

OCTOBER 9, 2011 10:24AM

Sunday chuckle

Margaret Gunning posted this and other gifs involving cats on her wonderful blog House of Dreams.   I'd put them all up here, but that would use up too much of my skimpy bandwidth allotment.  I copied this one because we have roosters and we have a cat - JaxRead full post »