Got this email today:
Our members voted at last month's annual meeting to open Guild membership to self-published authors. All of the rules aren't in place yet, but self-published authors who earn at least $500 in writing income in the 18 months prior to applying do qualify for associate membership. (Associate members receive all the benefits of regular members, except for voting in elections.)
Self-published authors will also be able to qualify for regular membership, but our board has to establish the income threshold for that category. We'll be updating our materials to reflect the change after the board acts, but in the meantime, you may qualify for associate membership. Please let me know if you're interested.
Terry King
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[original post]
I thought what the hey, it's ninety bucks I can't afford but now that I have two books for sale on Amazon and Barnes & Noble I'm an author, right? It's only natural I align myself with others of my ilk for the services offered and, more importantly, for the illusion of solidarity. Heck, I mused, maybe I could get a classy Authors Guild ring or an esoteric ear stud or really neat T-shirt or maybe, oh lordy, a one-size-fits-all baseball cap with AG upon it!!
Plus, I thought my ninety smackers would help the AG do what my NRA dues do to help keep my gun-nut brethren and sistren free from meddling hoplophobes who would mess with our God-given right to protect ourselves and loved ones from home invaders and rogue drone attacks.
So I filled out the online application form and clicked "send." Within minutes I received an automated reply affirming receipt of my application and informing me my application would be reviewed. Fine, I thought, finally somebody in the venerable halls of literary authenticity would be reading something I wrote. Someone did, allegedly. This afternoon I received the following:
Dear Mr. Paust:
Thank you for your recent application for membership in the Authors Guild. The Membership Committee has asked me to advise you that the record of publication you provided us does not qualify you for membership at this time.
Contracts with American book publishers that may qualify you for membership must include all three of the following:
- a provision by which the author retains ownership of the copyright;
- a significant advance;
- a provision which specifies the manner in which royalties are calculated and a mechanism by which they will be paid.
Advances are standard among established American publishers, and therefore are among the most important criteria we use to determine eligibility. If you are offered a contract which includes the aforementioned stipulations, we will be happy to consider your application at that time.
Please consider re-applying when you have a contract with an established American publisher meeting the criteria above.
Sincerely,
Terry (Terence) King Membership Dept.
The Authors Guild
31 East 32nd St., 7th Floor
New York, NY 10016
212-563-5904; fax: 212-564-5363
Well, indeed, I gasped inwardly, struggling with an immediate impulse to download an image of someone flipping the bird and attach it as my response to Terry (Terrence) King's snooty brush-off. 
My struggle ultimately succeeded in suppressing this immature impulse, despite my managing in the meantime to acquire the desired image for perhaps a further use.
I did, however, dispatch the following painfully polite yet pointed rejoinder to the pompous poobahs:
Dear Guild Membership Committee: So were I to sell twenty thousand self-published books you would still bar me from membership unless I had the financial blessing of "an established American publisher" behind me? I wonder. I'm surprised the Guild would persist with such traditional exclusionary admission requirements during such a significantly grim technological sea change in which the exponentially growing e-book phenomenon is bringing down brick-and-mortar book retailers like the Walls of Jericho. Your "significant advance" stricture appears especially archaic considering that "established American publishers" are themselves taking on such significant water in this market upheaval. So significantly that cash advances for all but those names deemed most marketable are shrinking, dare I say, significantly, thus contributing to the downward spiral of opportunity that encourages more and more new writers to bypass the long and winding crapshoot for a traditional industry blessing and leap, ambivalently at best, into Amazon's eager octopus arms.
I find this intransigence on your part particularly ironic in the shadow of Mr. Turow's recent letter to the membership still reverberating in my mind, which decries the evidently impending federal antitrust lawsuit to stop Apple and "five large trade book publishers" from cooperating to break Amazon's stranglehold market grab "using e-book discounting to destroy bookselling, making it uneconomic for physical bookstores to keep their doors open."
I was about to ask you to reconsider your rejection of my application for membership, but now I'm reconsidering, wondering just what value I might receive for the dues expenditure to an organization that would remain irrevocably married to a rapidly obsolescing model, which, despite the wailing of its president that the ship is in dire straits, seems helpless to adapt to the changing times.
Sincerely,
Matt Paust
Insignifcantly advanced author
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Comments
Blogging and self-publishing is a different business. We are not in the club, and I suspect the club is closing ranks. It may not even serve us any more to say we are bloggers if we want that advance.
But that's the bad news, the good news for now is we can say almost any damn thing we want, and build our audience among those who are in the same boat. Hey, you've heard of The Bloggers Association of America, haven't you? They have free cookies at the koffee clatch on Fridays.
But cheer up, Matt.
There are many far worthier folk who want you to drop dead.
;-)
Yes, I do haz lapels!! Teehee!!
I r a respectable author!!!!
Teeheeeheee!! ~:D
Perhaps Terrance has his nose far enough up in the air that you can look up it and see if your cash is rolled up in one of his nostrils. Clearly, they must think alot of themselves to charge this much for reviewing your application -- no offence intended.
I see you took the box of cruise wear down from the attic.
I thought I did, Joanie, but now I'd be almost ashamed...oh, who am I kidding? I want to be part of the in-crowd!
I suspect you're right, Ben. And if they let in just anybody than just anybody might be able to slip past their gatekeepers and some agent's reader might actually get stuck with a manuscript because. well, he is a Guild member... Maybe we should start an Indie Authors Guild, excluding anybody who's received a significant advance from an established American publisher.
Hrmph, indeed, Miguela, to which I would add: ptui!
Probly a good thing I forgot, Crank, or they might have blackballed you, too.
Believe me, David, I came damned close to doing that. I did do it years ago when returning a rejection letter from a newspaper I'd applied to for a reporting job. I'd had a brew or two and wrote across the letter, addressing it to the editor who'd signed it, KISS MY ASS. I heard years later it was still talked about in the higher echelons of that pissant rag.
Groucho, Mac, and I'm starting to feel that way.
A T-shirt woulda been nice, tho, Alysa.
That's comforting, Kim. Made my day.
Sheila, they probly have an image of a hand holding a teacup with its pink waving in the air.
Tink, you bastard!!
Damon, he obviously felt he could trust me enuf to share his full given name. That's the main reason I held back on flipping him the bird.
I am humbled, J.L., that you would go to such trouble. Do you really think Con would go along with it?
Uncle Chris, the 90 is the dues if the committee raises the gate and lets you in. My nose is still stuck between the slats.
inthisdeepcalm, they probly all wear saffron jackets when they meet for awards dinners or whatever. Saffron doesn't work on me. It's just as well.
Arthur and Don, thanks, guys. You do realize, I hope, that by commenting on this post you have blown any chance of consideration for membership yourselves in this august organization?
I've not had my dander thusly lathered since Great Grandad was blackballed by the Buggy Whip Weavers Benevolent Assn.
Nonsense.
Money is only a perk ( a nice one, but still..). You've got half the equation right - the desire to support a worthwhile organization - but if it's not worthwhile to you as a member how worthwhile it is?
Rated for the real world.
To which I would add, " Terry, yis ugly, yis momma dress you funny and yis got a silly name."
http://www.wga.org/content/default.aspx?id=84
to even figure out if you qualify (we don't) you have to earn 24 "points" earned by their "approved" list of folks who buy their stuff. To earn 24 points you have to sell a full-lenth screen or television play of 90 minutes or more, plus pay them $2500.
But, if you ever get in, you get to vote on the Oscars!
So, turn your novel into a screenplay!
Look at yourself in the mirror every day and announce your authorship. Change your OS banner to AUTHOR PAUST..
Actually change your name to Author Paust....let them dare challenge that!
Duane, I wonder if this was just the first screening barrier. Next would come instructions to kill the Wicked Witch of the East or some such nonsense. Never ending until one suddenly gets the right inflection on "open sesame." They're a cyber gated community. Need to keep the rabble out. I'm surprised Terry's last name isn't Zimmerman.
Dunno what I'd do, Ferns, without you ladies on my side.
Thanks, Roger. I do respect Scott Turow, tho - his writing anyway. He's a Chicago guy, too, I believe.
I didn't pay, Neutron. The $90 would be the dues were I accepted.
Abrawang, I'd like to teach them the not-so-secret finger shake.
Damn, Thoth, I'd forgotten about the Hustler pieces. Actually I am published in True Detective. Have several stories in those mags some 25 years ago. Used the name Ben McGillicutty.
What a terrific idea, Marilyn! Maybe if enuf of you gave me a buck I could call it "a significant advance" and they'd let me it. Then I could open the bathroom window and let all the rest of you in.
My sentiments precisely, Seer. Thanks.
V, I'm trying to picture meeting him at a Guild soiree. "Hi, Terry here! You may called me Terrence."
Kate, I've thought of screenwriting. Even have a script about half done. My daughter joined the Actors Guild without any fuss. All she's done is some "extra" work.
We don't need them, Scanman.
Thanks, Libby.
No question about that, Jon. Thanks, bubba.
Steve's Mom, I hear ya!
I'd do that, Ande, but afraid I might start giggling uncontrollably, which would frighten the cats.
Thanks, Erica. I'd like to think so, but I suspect most people prefer to dismiss them with a poke at the "delete" button.
Wait. The money. Did they keep your $90?
had they accepted me. They might be out-of-date elitists, but at least they aren't out-of-date thieves - yet.
What these crazy guys are doing to you is insulting.
Good to know:Now you can get your money back before resigning.
What an arrogance!
The advancement statement says it all:"All you need is...love???...no,MONEY!!!..."
OS should think about a Members'Guild.That is probably far better and encouraging then what you have encountered.
I did not know (but I had my suspicion)that selling ebooks would leave nothing for the author.
It is sickening.We have to work out a concept that is working in a totally contrary direction.JLSatre said it so well.
I for my part am not willing to pay anyone but you for your books,and if there is a possibility like a self-publisher,as Cranky Cuss has been involved with,you can count me as a member.
But I still prefer giving you the money.You know what you are worth,so you can definitely be on the market.
Have you ever considered being a member of the international pen club?
How does the tip on OS function?Could I pay into your account,or is there someone else(the provider) to take the cash or 50% of it?
I always thought this was more of an American thing.
I am actually quite shocked about such rudeness even so I know that this is fashionable and usus.
100 % for you,Matt!!!
Here is my order for the wood-book.
(100 % for that one and another for your first book,sums up to 300%!!!
Bob, that "see no evil" mentality seems to be popular among the dinosaur set.
Thanks Doug and Belinda. I'm sure they found my little tantrum rather amusing in their exclusive club room. "Oh, look at this. One of the barbarians actually thinks he could one of us...ahahahaha."
As we were reminded recently, it is best to stay off the Titanic.
I mean, i doubt i coulda crafted that "traditional exclusionary admission requirements during such a significantly grim technological sea change " sentence ...
Ha! I learned a new word today..." hoplophobes": fear of weapons...also fear of armed citizens, which i gotta admit i got
a little bit of, but that doesnt include you, cuz you are my friend
and wouldnt shoot me, even if i showed up some morning at 3 am.
We will use the password, "obsolescing", so you know it's me.
I like pizza. Any kind. And diet coke. Get alot of diet coke.
Also, I like marijuana if ya got any.
I know an old dude like you would want to be a good host.
Hey, seriously: these guilders, i think they are a buncha elitist
troglodytes.
Jim, I dunno where that sentence came from. Maybe Newgate dictated it to me. Reading it over this morning I had to squint to figure out what the hell it meant. I'm still not completely certain.
You'll be welcome to visit after my wife kicks me out, which won't be long, I'm afraid. She's convinced I've been carrying on with Joan Stonebraker and has been consulting a divorce lawyer. Apparently I talk in my sleep.
could you not start a comedian show,I mean:Your Own?
It would be great fun watching you two.The dialogue between you just now is material enough for your first sketch.
If I order your book now,how many % of the selling is for you?
u? erudite warrior bearded elder type.
me? fuck knows...maybe a guy who is wispier than
usually allowed by gals when judging an attractive male,
yet with big shoulders and ALOT of hair.
and the friendship of a Paust.
if wife is wise enough to allow matt to go,
then alot of women are available...we just gotta talk em out of
their prejudices against our sex.
the worst one, after the whole animalistic rapist view they got,
is that we aint good at reading.
we read plenty.
they read faster cuzza their girly eyes, which are quicker to flick.
we can share the wine...
Bell, now I'd like to get a job as a waiter for one of their dinners for one night, just to satisfy my writer's curiosity. Maybe pinch a table favor or something with the hallowed AG embossed upon it. It would make a great OS avatar.
"Ein Prophet gilt nichts in seinem Vaterland"
"A prophet has no honor in his own country"(dict.cc)