He did it. He really did it. Cranky didn't just mock up a book cover that somebody could hold in front of the camera at the latest OS New York meet-up or paste on his blog to make it appear he'd actually written and published a book. He actually wrote and published a book! I know this because a copy of Send in the Clown Car: The Race for the White House 2012 was in my P.O. box this afternoon and now sits on my desk next to my laptop as I type this...
I almost typed “review,” but I can't review this book because I blurbed it and it is considered unthinkably unethical for a blurbist to review a book he or she has blurbed. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I blurbed Cranky's book badly – so badly that I belong in the trunk of the cover's clown car, a Volkswagen, which has a very small and cramped trunk. Now, I could make you buy the book to find out how badly I screwed up the blurb but that would be even more unethical. What I said was, and a boldface author's note emphasizes the gaffe, that Cranky and galactically famous comic writer Art Buchwald resemble each other physically. Now, even with the amazingly broad latitude traditionally allowed blurbists, I concede my physical comparison of the two comic writers did exceed the boundaries of turpitude granted me by my virtual license, if only because I have met neither man in person and the one has been long dead. Much better to have said their mugshots suggest similar smirks of satirical insouciance, I suppose. We'll hafta wait for the hardbound edition to change it.
We've known all along that Cranky is a good-hearted fellow, but some of us (count me in) might be surprised to learn he is also either incredibly trusting or as naïve as the love child of Pollyana and Forrest Gump. My evidence for broaching this conundrum is the result of Cranky having sent out review copies to various organizations and prominent individuals. That he chose to include brief blurbs from the following three proves my hypothesis and enables me to rest my case. He displays them prominently on the back cover above my blurb:
Book of the Year” ~ Birdcage Owners of America
Even I wouldn't put my name on this crap” ~ Donald Trump
Cranky Cuss's writing excites me. Want to see?” ~ Anthony Weiner
But enuf about the back cover, which is really rather plain. It's the front cover that will sell this book and put the expression “Cranky Cuss” right down there with other expressions Republicans use when talking amongst themselves about liberals, women, gays, poor people, blacks, Latinos and anybody who might vote for Barack Obama. The colorful eye-catching overall design is by OS's Dianaani, who uses the pseudonym Diana Ani Stokely in the book's credits. The delightfully cramped clown car, carrying three idiotic-looking elephants and one cool dude of a donky, is a drawing by Michelle “Cuss” Hernandez, the same author's daughter who drew the infamous caricature her dad uses as his OS avatar image.
Am I done? Pssst! Is that it? Whew. Good. The bill's in the mail, Crank.