YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
los angeles, California,
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Former Stand-up Comic, Comic Booker, Gag Writer. Currently marketing Madcap Comedy Screenplays, a Stage Play, a Book & selling jokes out of the trunk of my car......"Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha

Marilyn Sands's Links

THE MATING GAME
NO COMEDY ZONE
CHARLIE SHEEN
ANTHONY WEINER
ARNOLD SCHWARTENEGGER
Shh...IT'S PERSONAL!
BATHROOM READING
VISUAL CANDY
PERSONAL FAVS
I LOVE THE MOVIES
VENTS R US
RICK SANTORUM
IN A CLASS ALL IT'S OWN
OS WEEKEND FICTION
THE ELUSIVE EP
JOHN BOEHNER
BO OBAMA
NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
MICHELE BACHMANN
SARAH PALIN
NON-PARTISAN POLITICS ha ha
THINKING OUT OF THE BOX
POLITICS AS USUAL
RECOMMENDED BY ZAGAT
"YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! On-Line Dating Straight Lines!
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'
RICK PERRY
NEWT GINGRICH
MITT ROMNEY
THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES 2012
PILLOW TALK - Scripted
"FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE
DON KNOTTS DAUGHTER: "Tied Up In Knotts"
NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT SCHOOL SHOOTING, COLORADO ET AL
END OF YEAR SPECIAL
MY FAVORITE LINE in an Article
BEING A STAND-UP COMIC After 40
JUNE 22, 2012 12:23PM

"I HAD A DREAM"...last night ABOUT OPEN SALON!

Rate: 27 Flag

No, I didn't have a Chimichanga - it was a simple Hot Fudge Sundae with Nuts!

Some people can't remember their dreams - but I can: 

10)  When we hit 1,000 Hits - Money would come out of our Computers!

9)  We got an automatic EP on our Birthday!

8)  A Reader's Dog and/or Cat could also Comment on the same article!  That could mean 2 Comments per household!

7)  You got an EP with an asterisk if you didn't use WTF!

6)  If you got 20 Ratings or more on one Blog - you got a Once-Only Ticket to watch "The Editor Pick Process"!

5)  That person would then have to be killed!

4)  Immediately after Posting an article - there'd be a Cookie!

3)  For every year of writing on OS - your Butt Size would go up one!  Or maybe it's just me!

2)  If you could prove you had a Sex Change Operation, lost 200 Pounds by only eating Rhubarb or **had Sex with a Republican - you got an EP and an OS Bumper Sticker that says "MY LIFE SUCKS WORSE THAN YOURS"!

And #1)  All Spammers were safely in Hell!

  ** Okay - in some cases... had Sex with a Democrat!

 Feels like "The Last Days of Pompeii"!

last days of pompeii 

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Comments

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Another Bumper Sticker idea was "I WROTE FOR OPEN SALON & ALL I GOT WAS CARPEL SYNDROME"!
What's yours?
i have had many similar dreams.
god bless you for the courage to reveal them.
i shall reveal a real one:
this morning, i was
in art james' ah, uh, it was kind of an apartment.

anyway, this one intrigues me, for saturday is b-day:
"We got an automatic EP on our Birthday!"
i am wondering if it could be so..
Carpel TUNNEL Syndrome! Don't get old! ha ha
Thanks James! Come to think of it - I don't know if mine was a Dream or a Fantasy!
You know, I certainly hope that all the "buzz" around here about the "demise" of both Salon and Open Salon is nothing other than rumor. I think what's fun is to speculate how OSers would respond to and write about a pending "Armageddon".
I can just imagine the sarcasm and tongue in cheek and smarminess being bandied about as the humonguous asteroid, alien conquerors and zombies divide the earth and all its inhabitants.
Very funny. In this place the cookie would not be the chocolate chip kind but the spy ware sort. I have alway wanted to get a "tip"; the money kind not "get out of here with your stuff while you still can." R
Thanks Walter - yes, we're all in it to the en
Thanks Jerry - How will it all end? Will we see a Bright Light? Do I have to bring a change of underwear? What?
Ratings and such, not important to me. The folks whpo respond to my blog and whose posts I respond to and can relate to=they matter.
Thanks for stopping by Patrick! We even learn from the negative...not much - but you know what they say: "..if you believe the good stuff, you have to believe the other stuff too"!
"I Wrote for OS and All I Got Was a Football Jersey."
My bumper sticker idea is: "HONK IF YOU LOVE SILENCE".
""The Editor Pick Process"!

I've seen it!! Three monkeys sit in a room throwing their poo at the wall which has all the posts deemed 'Worthwhile' whichever gets hit with poo, gets EPed.

The ones that don't, get posted at Big Salon.

What? :D
Thanks John! Great hearing from you! If you're sellin' - save me a Medium!
Thanks alsoknowas! SILENCE! That's what we'll get when OS is no more! Then where will I get my Election Results & Stellar Commentary?
Thanks Tink! I believe your scenerio! But I think they're are more than 3 Monkeys!
This is hilarious! I want the bumper sticker. What a conversation *yawn* starter that would be!
Clever. Most amusing. Thanks.
Fun stuff for a Friday afternoon. Thanks, Marilyn.
You're too late with your warning, Marilyn -- I'm already old! Yes, this clearly was a dream. :D

Lezlie
Thanks Zuma! Let's see...I have a Transistor Radio, a Blanket & Spam!
Thanks so much Mary S! Glad you got a kick out of it - hope it won't be my last!
Thanks so much Erica K! Let's see...I've got a Flashlight, Lipstick & a 12 pack of Condoms! I'm ready for The Rapture!
Thanks so much Lezlie! We're survivors! When the end of Salon comes - we always have our Diaries! I don't know about you - but mine has Stretch Marks!
Are you telling me money doesn't come out of your computer when you post here? It doesn't come out of mine either, but I assumed it was because the feed was clogged with spam.
P.S.: Congratulations! You've just won 10 bonus ratings and a trip to Southern California!
Your bumper sticker is perfect and this made me laugh!
Very funny.
#8 But chickens should be allowed to rate this too.

R♥
I have always taken it as a sign to move on when I have a dream about where I ply my craft, do my work, or slave away to sweat and shove and get my pay.

Once, when I worked at Jack-in-the-Box (hey, I was 16 and 17 years old, what did I know and what could I do, right?) I had this dream that made me wake up in cold sweats.

I was working the grill. Jacks (as they like to call it now) had a fairly large grill area for such a small store. The grill was full of burgers and I was holding a spatula in each hand, flipping these burgers as fast as I could.

The grill kept getting longer and wider and there were more and more burgers on it. I then realized I was shrinking and I was down to using one huge spatula I had to hold in both hands while running across the grill, grill cleaning "stones" tied to my shoes to keep from burning my feet. And at some point I was skating like an ice skater with the grill pads on my feet and this huge spatula that was now larger than I was and the line of burgers went on past where I could see the horizon.

I quit three days later and went to work for Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theater. Maybe not the best career path, but I never woke up in a cold sweat from the strain of rolling dough, cooking pizzas and getting to play unlimited pinball and video games with our manager after closing.

True story and honest, that was the dream.

As bumper stickers go, the only one I ever wanted to make was one that said:

I'd rather you were, too!

IN response to all those:
I'd rather be sailing, hiking, in Jamaica, eating dinner, etc. stickers that were really popular in the late 70's and early 80's.

--r--
Thanks Dan! I forgot the Bells & Whistles too! Just like a Jackpot in Vegas!
Thanks so much Lunchlady 2! Now tomorrow, tell us all YOUR dream! But leave out the part about Brad Pitt - the women on here are randy enough!
Thanks so much FusanA! Chickens in your yard - Okay. Chicken in the Pot - no!
Thanks so much dunniteowl! That's quite an illustrious restaurant career in your early years. I bet your reality & your dreams get mixed up sometimes - but they're very vivid & it makes you happy to recollect - I like your Bumper Sticker too!
Always blow away my cookies, preferably with one of Tink's AK-47's... funny stuff, girl!
I never think about OS when I dream....just trying to save my children from tomorrow. Never quite get there.
Thanks so much jmac! My Cookies don't get blown away - they're like Lead! But the money sounds good, doesn't it?
Thanks so much Ande - you're lucky you don't dream of OS! "Tink" would slither in there for sure!
Phenomenal! My favorites--in reverse order--are 10, 9, and 1!

You are a boon to OS!
EP? What's that? Who gives a rat's ass?
Thanks so much Paul! If Salon closes down - let's all meet on top of the Empire State Building like in the Movie "An Affair To Remember"! Date & time to follow!
[r] Can't I have a cookie for all the times I have used WTF?

naw, the butt size increase is definitely universal, Marilyn, it ain't just you.

I WROTE FOR OPEN SALON & ALL I GOT WAS .... "massive inconspicuous time consumption"! it ain't that funny, but it sure is true at times.

How come every time I do my most blood sweet and tears blogs there is a major distraction, like massive spam blowback, or end of os as we know it? I'm thinking it is a personal conspiracy. I suppose in lieu of being droned I should not complain. sigh.

Best, libby
Oh, I forgot to say it! HAH!!!!! great post.
That's funny John B! I never used that expression before - I have such tender ears! Right! You're so right about the EP's, John! Okay, then how 'bout a free cup of joe at Starbucks?
Thanks so much Libby! I love your Bumper Sticker! You really influence a lot of people around here Libby - whether you know it or not. Your voice is one of the best whether you get it in a Post or a Comment!
I wrote for Open Salon and I never even got a lousy T-shirt!!!!
awwww, Marilyn, I felt a real kinship with you from the first. wished I l ived in the marina and we could grab a coffee and some laughs at the ridiculousness of it all (or you in NYC -- I do believe you have a New Yorker's or at least ex-New Yorker's toughness and sensibility! -- but maybe LA area is really industrial strength toughness ... at least when in show business for sure. if you can make it THERE then etc. etc.)

I was suffering the poor me's today, so your message really warms and soothes. thank you. I was gonna nominate this one of yours for an EP and will still, but I decided that BEFORE you did such a sweet testimonial!!! not quid pro quo, my dear!!!! want that on the record. :-) best, libby xxx
M- RP not EP... correction.
Fair enough! Clever and funny, Marilyn. R
Thanks so much Thoth! "The future's not ours, to see, Que Sera Sera"! What will be, will be!
Hell, girl, we get cookies every time we log on here. I hafta sweep my laptop with SuperAntiSpyware several times a day to get rid of them!
I WROTE FOR OS AND THEY GAVE ME A GALLON OF WHITEOUT!.....
R
Thanks Chicken/Matt! Funny! No, Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal & Kumkwat - THAT kind of Cookie!
Thanks so much Steel Breeze! Witeout - I love it!
The death of Salon seems to be just a matter of time, and damned little of that.
Thanks Bobbot! You know what they say, "When one door closes...watch your fingers"! ha ha Don't worry - even better days ahead!
CORRECTION: Make that ...When we hit 500 Hits - Money would come out of our Computers!
I don't want my butt size to go up...what if I delete some posts?

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Thanks Algis! Do what you have to do to draw some attention. I say "If I don't watch my figure - nobody ELSE will"!
THIS POST HAS RECEIVED A READERS’ PICK AWARD
Thanks so much "OS READER'S PICK"! I was waiting for my Ship to come in - but unfortunately it's The Titanic"! ha ha