YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
los angeles, California,
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Marilyn Sands is a Former 80's Stand-up Comic, her Essays can be found on salon.com & her unsold Screenplays in her Top Drawer...next to the hard liquor! "Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha All my Articles are Copyrighted & yes, I'll know!

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FEBRUARY 15, 2012 1:04PM

FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE #5 Woody Allen's 1972 Sex Romp

Rate: 3 Flag

"EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK"!

poster 

 This Movie isn't for everybody - you know...Monks, Tebow, Santorum!

Woody Allen would know about such things - he once said "I was Breast-fed from "Falsies"! 

 That's not in this Movie - I just wanted to make a point!

This 1972 low-brow Movie was inspired by the 1969 best selling sex guide of the same name by Dr. David Reuben & each segment title is a question from the book - like some "Open Salon" Titles I've seen:

"Do Aphrodisiacs Work"?

"What Is Sodomy"?

And "What To Do When This Site Is Down"!

Please don't be offended by this Post - this is really educational & I'm doing a Service to many.  I don't know who they are right now - but when I see my Comments - I'll get an idea!  ha ha

With 1970's fueled humor & sex-crazed hysterics ably satirized by Woody; these 7 vignettes go past the Freud-Innuendo & go straight for the Jungular-Wit!

The cheap laugh is a prize Woody heaps on us with every zany sight gag & one liner; showering us with folly as he plays The Fool in all of his characterizations.

How could this movie go wrong with lines like:

THE QUEEN: "Kiss me quick"!

THE FOOL: "Yes!  Where is your Quick"?

It was the 7o's folks!

Or ...THE FOOL:  "Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here & we'll all be painting"! 

queenfool 

Or Comic-Actor Gene Wilder & his romance with sheep.  Thanks to Gene's tender courting - this indelible image has managed to ruin all of my human relationships!  

I didn't know this oafish practice could be so baaad!

  wildersheep

But my really Favorite Scene in this Movie takes place in a Control Center where Sperm are programmed by a whole team of robotic nerds. 

Woody Allen plays one of the chosen Sperm in a steamy step by step depiction of the mechanics of having a simple romantic evening.

everything-you-always-wanted-to-know-about-sex-but-were-afraid-to-ask 

Who wouldn't laugh out loud as Woody is type-cast; playing the soldier-like, white-uniformed Sperm; as they are dispatched Paratrooper-style into the great unknown.

  woody1

WOODY:  "I'm not getting shot out of that thing.  What if he's masturbating?  I'm liable to end up on the ceiling"!

THE COMPUTER OPERATOR: "Attention gonads we're going for seconds"!

Don't want to give you all the Punch Lines; you'll have to rent the dvd to see how Woody gets out of this Jam & has a Happy Ending.

But I will give you some data if you don't want to be a dada:

According to Google & my Funk & Wagnalls; 1 Teaspoon of the stuff spritzes 200-500 Sperm in each delivery.

And, the average speed of Sperm is 31 mph; which is faster than a Peruvian Jaguar - especially if she has a headache!

Please don't be alarmed at my ease in describing all this - this is purely Clinical - I'm just a layperson & it's not an endorsement or anything. 

Besides; I like the Battery Kind - you don't have to cook them Breakfast!  

Who am I kidding; I don't even know how to fill a Flashlight!  

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Marilyn,
A delightful romp down memory lane. Woody is one funny guy and what better topic for comedy than sex. Thanks for sharing this oldie but goodie. All the best to you in your world.
wb :-)
Did you really come up with "Jungular Wit"? Brilliant. Thanks for the memories of W.A.'s "Everything."
Thanks so much William! Nice to see another Woody Fan. I've always love all his quotes. Like, "I'm not an intellectual - but I have this look"!
Thank you so much Dan! Yes, I came up with Jungular Wit! Not too many people know - Freud wore Slips & Jung wore his Mother's Boxers - no wonder "Psychiatry" is all screwed up!
[r] Marilyn, what a hoot. There was this huge breast chasing people around the countryside iirc. And Gene Wilder having a cigarette with the sheep. And Burt Reynolds was a riot at the switchboard or something but I don't clearly remember all that white paratrooping sperms part, but it was hysterical!

Hey, what is the difference between a sperm and a politician? Answer, there is at least a one in a million chance that the sperm will be human.
Very funny, and I had totally forgotten this movie but will certainly give it another look. Woody is a national treasure. R
Thanks you so much Libby! I can't swallow Republicans either! Ouu! Don't give me the straight lines Libby! ha ha
Thanks so much Gerry! For the 70's - it was shockingly funny - to watch it today - still funny but Santorum calls it "Corn-Porn"!
Ahhh, Marilyn. You must be commenting after dark!
Libby - I hope I'm not sorry I did it! There's a lot of strange cats lurking after midnight. ha ha
I had forgotten all about this movie. But yes it was seriously funny ranks right up there with Bananas!
Thanks so much Desnee - another Fan of Wood! ha ha