In my day we had..."ICEBERG LETTUCE"
NOT...Frigin' Arugula!
"SALT & PEPPER"
NOT...KOSHER Salt & PRESBYTERIAN Pepper!
"WATER FROM THE SPIGOT"
NOT...a $2 Bottle from a Spigot!
"CORN FLAKES"
NOT...Sypherical O's & Hilarious Z's dusted in Moonbeams!
"A JERSEY TOMATO"
NOT...Ecuador's Finest!
"3 MUSKETEERS BAR"
NOT...2 MUSKETEERS & a Skinny WENCH!
"A SOCK"
NOT...A Plastic Baggie!
"A UNEEDA BISCUIT"
NOT...Jalepeno-Pecan-Patê Twists!
"WONDER BREAD"
NOT...1,000 Grain & a couple broken eye teeth!
"EX-LAX"
NOT..."Activia"!
"MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE"
NOT...Mocha Caramel IV Drip!
"WHITMAN'S SAMPLER"
NOT...2 Godiva Chocolates & a Ribbon!
"FRENCH'S YELLOW MUSTARD"
NOT...Ming Dynasty-Begonia-Infused Spread!
"ORANGE JELLO GRANULES"
NOT...Safron$$
"S'MORES"
NOT...a sweaty M&M & 2 Miniature Marshmallows!
"KETCHUP"
Okay, Ketchup!
And "BAYER ASPERIN"
NOT...a shot of Propofol!


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