YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
los angeles, California,
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Former Stand-up Comic, Comic Booker, Gag Writer. Currently marketing Madcap Comedy Screenplays, a Stage Play, a Book & selling jokes out of the trunk of my car......"Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha

MY RECENT POSTS

MY RECENT COMMENTS

Marilyn Sands's Links

THE MATING GAME
NO COMEDY ZONE
CHARLIE SHEEN
ANTHONY WEINER
ARNOLD SCHWARTENEGGER
Shh...IT'S PERSONAL!
BATHROOM READING
VISUAL CANDY
PERSONAL FAVS
I LOVE THE MOVIES
VENTS R US
RICK SANTORUM
IN A CLASS ALL IT'S OWN
OS WEEKEND FICTION
THE ELUSIVE EP
JOHN BOEHNER
BO OBAMA
NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
MICHELE BACHMANN
SARAH PALIN
NON-PARTISAN POLITICS ha ha
THINKING OUT OF THE BOX
POLITICS AS USUAL
RECOMMENDED BY ZAGAT
"YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! On-Line Dating Straight Lines!
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'
RICK PERRY
NEWT GINGRICH
MITT ROMNEY
THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES 2012
PILLOW TALK - Scripted
"FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE
DON KNOTTS DAUGHTER: "Tied Up In Knotts"
NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT SCHOOL SHOOTING, COLORADO ET AL
END OF YEAR SPECIAL
MY FAVORITE LINE in an Article
BEING A STAND-UP COMIC After 40
MAY 8, 2013 3:10PM

"LAP DANCES For CHRIS CHRISTIE"! Governor's Pillow Talk

Secretly, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had Lap Band Surgery giving people fodder for the 2016 Presidential Race!

But the most surprised was his Cook - she didn't know what to make of "Leftovers"!

Sorry - No Before & After Pictures - I'll wait for his Big TA-DA Moment in a Speedo!… Read full post »

19 Comments
MAY 6, 2013 1:31PM

"THE FAT LADY Didn't Sing...She Laughed"! Schadenfreude?

My Berlin Opera House Story 

berlin opera house 

In 1974, my late husband & I visited Berlin, Germany & the sobering Berlin Wall & Checkpoint Charlie - took a spin around The Brandenburg Gate & at the spur of the moment - went to the Opera for the 1st time in our lives!

What… Read full post »

9 Comments
APRIL 22, 2013 1:45PM

"It All Started With ZAPRUDER" EVERYMAN Wants To Be A HERO!

In 1963, Abraham Zapruder wasn't a Hero; but he had something everyone wanted - Footage!

You see, in those days; people took the occasional Silent Home Movie & Vacation Hi-Jinks for fun - not to shoot 'em for Evidence.

A private citizen, with a Business across from the School Book Depository;… Read full post »

23 Comments
APRIL 17, 2013 5:58PM

Boston: The Answer is "BLOWIN' IN THE WIND"!

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TO BOSTON & Us All

"Yes, how many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn't see...

The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind

The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many deaths will it take till he knows, that too many people have… Read full post »

14 Comments
APRIL 15, 2013 12:58PM

"AM I DEAD OR ALIVE"? My "Baader-Meinhof Gang" Story!

No Comedy Zone

Stuttgart, W. Germany 1972

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I'll never forget leaving America for 3 years and arriving on the Military Base in the wee small hours - our future Home.

With husband & kids in tow in the darkness of a new Country; at 2 am, our car approached the… Read full post »

16 Comments
APRIL 12, 2013 3:17PM

GEORGE WASHINGTON SLEPT Where? Tracking Down The Dollar Bill

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I don't know where he slept; but I'll let Martha worry about it!

Ever get one of those desecrated One Dollar Bills that asks you to "Track Down George"?

Being the first one I got - I was curious.  In Red Ink - mine says in 6 places: "Track this… Read full post »

10 Comments
APRIL 5, 2013 1:28PM

Dustin Hoffman's "Quartet"...Britain's Best Brings It!

Here's to you, Roger Ebert...Our Faithful Guide to the Silver Screen -  My "Quartet" Movie Review!

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Without looking up all the "Thumbs Up" of old Reviews; I'm sure the Late-Great Film Critic Roger Ebert was a Champion of Dustin Hoffman Movies as I am.

dustin1&nbs… Read full post »

16 Comments
APRIL 1, 2013 2:32PM

"Opensalonna Island"...CLOSED FOR REPAIRS!

 island2  

Shipwrecked in 2013, we poor souls were left adrift; to read, write & schmooze with our own until help arrives!

This hasn't been a Day at the Beach; some of us already got Sun-Poisoned, Piles or Pregnant!

bellyup 

Let's face it, it's like Club Med - without the Bead… Read full post »

25 Comments
MARCH 25, 2013 2:02PM

"How I got A TICKET @ "SPEED DATING"!

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By the way - I hate that old Saying - "You have to kiss talk to a lot of Frogs before you can rub their Belly"!

Oh, I shouldn't have?  No wonder they didn't call!  ha ha

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You know Speed Dating's not half bad - it's almost like… Read full post »

27 Comments
MARCH 22, 2013 12:14PM

YEAR 2169 Archaeological Dig: EP SURFACES!

The Year 2169 around 11:30

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Archaeologists, Jose Goldstein & Cool J McLeary sift thru the California soil & finally discover what they've been searching for.

They've just unearthed the 1st Woman with the Congenital Right Arm Deformity they've been stuggling to decipher in many a… Read full post »

20 Comments
MARCH 20, 2013 5:55PM

"MY $50 FRIEND"...Lending Money Moral! (make that Moron)

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At 20 years old, a handful of girl friends & I from Washington/Maryland were about to vacation in Atlantic City - to kick up our heels, meet guys & get a Tan!

It wasn't just "a day at the beach" - it was a rip roarin' 4 day Coming of Age;… Read full post »

11 Comments
MARCH 19, 2013 1:28PM

EP "COVER" Coveting...Climbing JACOB'S Ladder!

 

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It ain't the Oscars, the Pulitzer or the Nobel Peace Prize - but for some odd reason I want the "Atta Girl" from Jake!

So short of offering myself (and how many times can you do that) I decided to treat this like a Job Interview & send him… Read full post »

48 Comments
MARCH 14, 2013 11:27PM

"WHO SAID IT"? In the News...POPe Culture!

"WHO SAID IT" this week? 

PICK ONE:

"No Sex until - "I DO"!

"The Bachelor" Sean Lowe

or POPE FRANCIS

____

"I worked my Butt off to get where I am"!

Justin Bieber

or POPE FRANCIS

____

"My Wife's an Angel"!

"Survivor" Honcho Mark (The Bible) Bennett

or POPE FRANCIS

____

"Since… Read full post »

10 Comments
MARCH 11, 2013 2:48PM

"WHO ORDERED THE KOSHER MEAL"? Barack & Bibi's Swap Meet

 With President Obama's upcoming trip to Israel on March 15, 2013 - here's a Repost of my May 2011 satirized article...and I wish him & US luck! 

The White House, Washington, D.C.

May 2011 

obama net2 

It's no surprise to anyone that President Obama knew he had his wor… Read full post »

5 Comments
MARCH 9, 2013 5:52PM

"Seeing Red & THAT'S NO BULL"!

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Ever have a time where your life flashes before your eyes - but you don't even have the time to watch?

Well, right now - I have time to watch & this is what happened to me. 

It's not every day you get chased by a Bull!

Or maybe… Read full post »

4 Comments
MARCH 8, 2013 12:39PM

Stand-up Comic after 40: "BELIEVE IT OR NOT"!

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"The Punch Line" Comedy Competition

San Francisco, California

In 1987, I was living alone off Geary Street in the Theatre District of San Francisco - where Hookers would Walk the Walk; plying their Wares.

I had different Wares - Jokes! 

 Luckily, our paths never crossed… Read full post »

11 Comments
FEBRUARY 27, 2013 1:48PM

"Dumping My Dating DEAL BREAKERS...One by One"!

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 Finding a Mate is very easy or very hard!  It's very easy when Lust enters the picture  & there's no time for "Deal Breakers"...you're too busy tossing your Panties & now Buttonless Shirt!  **

lust2 Scarlett Johan.....guys, you know who I… Read full post »

24 Comments
FEBRUARY 16, 2013 12:35PM

"THAT SHIP HAS SAILED"...My Can't-Do-Anymore List!

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THINGS I CAN'T DO ANYMORE

1.  THE LIMBO!

Okay, I never did it - but now I'm certain & besides...I only used it for Sex & getting Raisins from under the Fridge!

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2.  SIT ON PARK BENCHES WITHOUT A TOILET SEAT PROTECTOR!

You can never be too sure!

bench1&nbs… Read full post »

28 Comments
FEBRUARY 14, 2013 2:48PM

"HEAVEN CAN WAIT"...My HOT Valentine's Day Date

cupid 

They used to say if "The Rabbit Died" you were Pregnant - well, "My Cupid Died" & I've got a Hot Date. 

A fresh new face on match.com has come forth & I'm going to Ruby Tuesdays on a Thursday - Today...Valentine's Day!

 Oh, I had my choice of… Read full post »

13 Comments
FEBRUARY 13, 2013 1:32PM

"WEARING Ali MacGraw"!

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When my 104 year old Aunt died recently in Arizona; I inherited an Antique Sewing Machine & boxes of Vintage Sewing Patterns - including Ali MacGraw!

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Aunt Lil was among other things, an exemplary Tailor; dressing herself in Paris Silks, Venetian Lace, Egyptian Co… Read full post »

5 Comments
FEBRUARY 11, 2013 4:07PM

"THE LURE OF THE KRISPY KREME"...Hitting Bottom - MINE!

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I'm Marilyn & I'm a K.K.aholic!

It not only calls my name - it knows my Passwords!

sophia4     

Sophia Loren is famous for saying:

"Everything you see I owe to Spaghetti"!

And Mine is:

"Make that a Dozen"!

In 1937, Vernon Rudolf founded this mood a… Read full post »

12 Comments
FEBRUARY 6, 2013 3:14PM

Fav Scene #8 "SIDEWAYS"- Groom Sows Oats before Bride Wines!

 MY FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE #8

poster  

town 

For someone who doesn't even know what Wine goes with "Fishsticks" - I loved this 2004 Movie!

How else am I going to get a Guided Tour through Napa Valley in Northern California & admire the fine art of Grape Squeezing!… Read full post »

11 Comments
FEBRUARY 4, 2013 4:40PM

"MONKEY BUSINESS"...John McCain Goes Ape Sh_ _!

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Who's the Monkey, McCain?

"May I present to you the next Vice-President of the United States...

...SARAH PALIN"! 

Ring a Bell, John?

Well, it all came about after Mahmoud Admadinejad told media that he was "Ready to be sacrificed by the scientists of my country & go into space"… Read full post »

6 Comments
FEBRUARY 3, 2013 7:51PM

MY FAV SCENE In A Movie #7 "BABY BOOM"..Diane Keaton Owns It

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Of all the movies we've all seen where "The Kid" steals the show - this Kid doesn't; but Diane does!

Yes, Single, Sophisticated New York Career Gal, J.C. Wiatt (Diane Keaton) inherits a Baby without Parenting Skills, quits her 401k & buys an Old House in bucolic Vermont in the… Read full post »

5 Comments
JANUARY 29, 2013 2:59PM

"Take One MORNING AFTER PILL...and Pray to CVS"!

pill1 

I don't think CVS' new Slogan will take off - do you?

"CVS - WHERE YOU CAN GET A FLU SHOT, A SEX PILL & A SHOESHINE"!

It was a long time coming - but we Gals got our wish! 

Well, not quite - Men don't take it!

Think… Read full post »

14 Comments
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