1. Expired-Milk Man: He dashes into homes to save people from the horror of taking an unintentional swig of soured milk.
2. Kotexia: Appears at the scene of menstrual mishaps with a discreet supply of pads and tampons. Crusades tirelessly for women of child-bearing age never to wear white pants in public.
3. Dee Ehm Vee: Has ability to alter time and reality to make desperate and anguished citizens waiting in line at the DMV believe they have only been at the facility for 10 minutes. Wins Nobel Peace Prize.
4. The Student Loan Forgiveness Fairy: Waives a pink pen, and permanently transfers billions of dollars of crushing student loan debt to the Koch Brothers.
5. Skrill-Axe: Appears with golden axe to destroy any boombox or loud vehicle blaring Skrillex in public. Beloved.
6. Doo-Man: Delivers any errant dog dumps back to the doorsteps of misguided, civically-disrespectful canine owners, wrapped in Eternal Flames That Can Never Be Stamped Out.
7. Grouperman: Gathers up all your local savings deals in one email, rather than 50 per day.
8. Snidely Criblash: Goes to the overblown, over-decorated, extremely tacky homes of multi-millionaire celebrities, sells all their crap to a sheik in Dubai, and then gives the money to homeless shelters.
9. Catty-Woman: Makes whispered, painfully horrible and funny comments about other women in public dressing rooms. Feared by all, but respected.
10. Binky Boy: Ends national-disgrace Congressional filibusters by inserting pacifiers covered in Krazy Glue into the mouths of Rotten Republicans.
I await patiently the 2013 summer movie season.